Everything just seems so hopeles (Trigs)

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2006
Everything just seems so hopeles (Trigs)
6
Sat, 02-17-2007 - 8:05pm
My boyfriend broke up with me exactly two weeks ago. He was the only thing good in my life, and I'm so lost without him. It seems that I have absolutely nobody to turn to. My best friend seems so self absorbed. I get so angry with her sometimes. She knows how much I'm suffering, yet, she only talks about a man who she's cheating on her husband with. She knows I don't approve of what she's doing, but she talks about how wonderful, and sweet to her she is. I feel like I'm her sounding board, and I want to scream "What about me?" When she goes on and on about HER life, not even asking me a simple "Hi, how are you feeling?" It almost feels like mental torture.
I'm the oldest out of five children. I'm the only one with a full time job, and they all ask ME for money all of the time, and I don't make much of it. I have problems saying no to them. I also help my mother out alot with money issue's, and there will be times I resent her so much for it. There is never ANY financial or even emotional support for me.
To make matters worse, my car is about ready to give out on me. I have nobody to help me with that. I have no problem taking the bus or walking to work. I don't live that far anyway. I'm just dreading the weekends off, and being stuck in my house, while other people my age are out doing fun things. I work the kind of job where I'm by myself all of the time, and don't really have the chance to make friends at work. I feel so trapped in imprisoned, and I feel I'd be better off dead sometimes. And I know this is ridiculous, but I feel like such a coward for not having the guts to make it happen.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Sat, 02-17-2007 - 10:06pm

Hi and welcome to the board. I wish it were such that none of us needed such a place...but what I do know is that it is a safe, supportive place to be and I'm glad you found us!


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2005
Sun, 02-18-2007 - 4:58pm

I'm really sorry about your breakup. That is so hard and heartbreaking.

As far as your friends and family. You seem to be the "giver" in a lot of one way relationships with takers. I think it's better to be alone. From personal experience, if you speak up and set boundaries with these people they will probably throw a fit and/or vanish. But. It's no big loss.

In fact, once you stop giving them money, you may have enough to fix your car or even get a new one! You'll have money for fun, for taxis and buses if you need them, etc.

I work alone too and I'm pretty isolated as well. It can be hard but it's better than being around toxic people. First you have to get rid of the users in your life. Once they stop draining your energy, you'll be able to notice other people and eventually you'll meet someone who knows good relationships are 2 way streets. Those people are rare but worth looking for and waiting for.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2006
Sun, 02-18-2007 - 6:32pm
Hi, thanks for the support. I feel a little bit better today. I've thought about alot of things today, including my best friend. Her husband DID find out a few weeks ago, and has forgiven her. That's their business, but she's still seeing the guy, and I don't want to hear about it. Maybe I'm a little bitter over being dumped, and over the fact that her husband is so crazy about her, he'll do anything to hold onto her no matter how horrible the things are that she does. This may sound childish, but I think I'll avoid her for awhile. If she asks me why, I'll tell her the truth.
I think my biggest problem is, is that I'm looking at the big picture, and focusing on all of the bad things, instead of the good things that could be. I'm not even going to try to get everything taken care of at once, that'll push me down further in my dark hole. I DID decide that I'm going to take some classes in the spring at the local community college. That will get me out of the house, and meeting new people. Not so worried about my car, the college is pretty far away from my house, and it would be much cheaper to take the bus anyway.
I understand that things are not going to magically change overnight. I'll be here more when I'm down and out. And hopefully, I'll be able to offer someone else some help and support.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Sun, 02-18-2007 - 11:25pm

Hey there,


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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-15-2006
Mon, 02-19-2007 - 12:17pm

You have the access for a bus or walking, join a church or a comunity center get out and meet people. geesh i wish i could meet more people. everyone i know right now has a family and can't spend much time away. I love to go to the gym but right now i don't have the gas to get there. you know i wish there was some way i could meet someone another women my age intrested in the things i'm intrested in and someone to spend time with. I'd love to go to the gym today or something. hmm maybe i'll gather the 3 kids that are at home right now and we'll go take a walk or something. i feel the depression sitting in.

why don't you dress warm and go outside and take a walk look for signs of life through all the cold i'm sure you can find something out there to cheer you up.

if not i'm sending you some cyber hugs just for you to help you feel better and to know that there is atleast me out in this big huge world thinking of you right now.

Robin

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2005
Mon, 02-19-2007 - 2:48pm

That's a great idea to take college classes!

You have a lot to be proud of! You're a hard worker and that dedication will eventually pay off.

Hopefully things will work out with your friend but if you need a break it's a good idea to have some space for now.