Well, here it goes (Possible trigs)

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2006
Well, here it goes (Possible trigs)
6
Tue, 02-20-2007 - 5:19pm
I'm not as sad right now as much as angry. My best friend just sent me an IM. Guess what? She's getting "remarried." (Actually, renewing her vows. But she thinks this is a way to "start over", and a pretty wedding gown and cake is going to erase what she did.) She typed at least three paragraphs about all of this. Again, she just got righ to her point, no "Hello, how are you?" or anything like that. I read through all of them, and when I finished, she types "Well, I've gotta go." Then, she signs off. I had just about had it. I typed her a long email explaining how I felt our friendship was one sided, and I felt like her sounding board. I told her our friendship wasn't ALL about me, it should be a 50/50 thing. And we didn't have to talk about my break up every second. But after my breakup, I'd say that 95% of our conversations revolved around her and her "boyfriend" who I'd never met, and I don't think she realized how miserable and unhappy I was. I told her I didn't want to cut her out of my life, but if things didn't change, I'd have to. If I know her the way I think I do, she'll take this very personally, and this makes me feel bad. But I did what I had to do.
I remember talking to someone about a hard desicion I had to make once, and she said "In order to make an omelette, you have to crack a few eggs." That sounded so stupid to me at the time, and didn't make any sense at all. Now, I understand it perfectly. The things you have to do to make life better can be difficult and messy. Things can get worse before they get better.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Tue, 02-20-2007 - 5:45pm

Hey there,


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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2006
Tue, 02-20-2007 - 6:27pm
I really shouldn't have brought up the "remarriage" like that. It really has nothing to do with the way I feel about our friendship right now, and really isn't any of my business. I do apoligize for that. It's easy to spew out venom when your feeling angry and hurt. I actually want them to be okay.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-15-2006
Wed, 02-21-2007 - 9:12am

you have to crack a few eggs." That sounded so stupid to me at the time, and didn't make any sense at all. Now, I understand it perfectly. The things you have to do to make life better can be difficult and messy. Things can get worse before they get better.

It makes perfect sense to me. as a matter of fact this morning i think i broke a few eggs. i'm just praying that my "recipe" comes out ok in the end.

Robin

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-15-2006
Wed, 02-21-2007 - 9:16am

I'm glad you wrote your friend the email. hopefully she will understand what you are trying to say and take it to heart and try to help change your friendship.

I know lately to my friend i've been treating her as a sounding board. she doesn't say it bothers her but my eyes opened a little. I spent the night there last night and enjoyed talking to her kids and playing with the animals. it was a quiet peaceful night when aparently my house was anything but!

Robin

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2005
Wed, 02-21-2007 - 8:44pm

I know how it feels to get more and more annoyed with someone until finally something happens that is the last straw. You've tried to tell them all along how you feel but they just don't get it. Then finally you blurt everything out at once and it's not pretty, but why didn't they listen when you were more subtle about it?

I understand why you were upset with your friend. That was very tactless of her to gush about a second wedding when you're still healing over a breakup.

Hopefully she'll be able to see your side of it and put herself in your shoes. This doesn't have to be the end of your friendship. If she really listens and thinks about what you said, it could actually be a new beginning of a closer friendship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2006
Wed, 02-21-2007 - 9:10pm
Thank you for the support. You guys are the best!!! And bluerains, you are so right. I can't think of another woman in the world who would want to help plan a wedding, much less be excited about one after breaking up with the man she loves. It might seem silly to some people, but it's just one of those little things that can trigger alot of pain.


Edited 2/21/2007 9:20 pm ET by alittleafraid