Failure? (Trigs)

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2006
Failure? (Trigs)
6
Wed, 02-21-2007 - 9:05pm
After work today, I went to the pharmacy to get a few things I needed before I got home to take a hot bath, eat a little something, and crash in front of the T.V and computer. There, I ran into my ex, who approached me, and asked me how I was doing. I wanted to scream "Oh, I'm just wonderful, despite being dumped by you, you idiot!!!!" Instead, I said "Fine" through clenched teeth, and went back to my shampoo sniffing. He knew I wasn't happy, and walked away, not saying another word. After I went home and took my bath, I looked in the mirror while I was brushing my hair, and what I saw disgusted me. I don't look like a twenty eight year old woman. I don't even look human. My eyes are hard and glassy, my face looks like it's carved from granite or something. I hated what I saw so much, I busted the mirror with my hairbrush. I've really lost it. I sat on the bathroom floor and cried for about an hour.
That whole incident scares me and disturbs me. I've tried to deny this for a long time, but I need professional help. I needed it even before my break-up and all of the other things that's been going on. I can't do this on my own. I've been looking up phone numbers for different therapists in my area. Has anyone on here ever felt bad because you couldn't do this on your own? I know I'll see things different later, but I'm so disappointed in myself that I can't pull myself out of this dark hole without any help.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-15-2006
Wed, 02-21-2007 - 10:24pm

Yes i've felt bad because i couldn't do it on my own. I'm in therapy now and I'm doing it with the help of a therapist. my dh isn't helping much and tonight is a bad night. I went to the gym and did water arrobics when i got home i came home to a sink over flowing of dirty dishes the table was filled with dirty dishes book bags, shoes, jackets and home work littered the living room and diningroom and well the kitchen was horrific. all six of my kids are home and my dh is laying on the couch watching a basketball game. i just got so disgusted i came right down to the computer room because i knew if i stayed up there i was going to loose it. i'm out of my ambien and can't get it filled so i'm goin gto be up all night again!!!

Robin

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-15-2006
Wed, 02-21-2007 - 10:26pm

I'm sorry i didn't mean to take over your post but i just realized i did.

I can imagine how you felt at the pharmacy running into your ex. i know it hurt. Sometimes we look in the mirror and don't like what we see and it makes us upset. i've sat on the floor and cried from my reflexion too. don't worry about wht you are on the outside look at what you have on the inside.

Try to list 5 good things about your self. I know you can come up with 5 good things.

Robin

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Thu, 02-22-2007 - 11:02am

Hi there,


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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Thu, 02-22-2007 - 11:28am
I have definitely been there and it is awful. Dont be afraid to get help. Wish I could post meore to help you but I am too down myself.
Hugs
Jessica
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2005
Thu, 02-22-2007 - 3:18pm

Of all the pharmacies in the world, he had to go into that one!

What a way to end your day. I think you were very classy when he approached you.

I've also felt uncomfortable about starting therapy, support groups, etc. It's a natural feeling. No one says, "when I grow up I want to have a nervous breakdown and join a support group!" No one lists "therapy" under their hobbies on a job application.

But there are a ton of therapists out there and they all have clients so there must be a lot of people in the same boat.

Try it and if you don't like it you can try something else.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2006
Thu, 02-22-2007 - 6:45pm
Thanks again you guys. Robin, don't worry about "taking over" my thread. I just took that as you showing a little empathy, so don't worry about it.
I DON'T think I'm an ugly girl. I actually think I'm pretty in an average sort of way. But I was so filled with rage last night, the face in the mirror kind of reminded me of a rabid pit bull. I've NEVER seen myself look that way before, and it was kind of creepy.
What makes this break-up so hard, is that he's a good guy. He never cheated, or mistreated me in any way. We argued over alot of stupid things towards the end of our relationship, and I understand why he would think I was pushing him away at that time. Maybe later I'll realize he did the right thing before things got really ugly. He wanted to remain friends with me, and I got a little nasty with him, and told him I wasn't going to waste my time with him.
I'll be getting an evaluation here in about a week, and I'll keep everyone posted on how it goes.