Sick of just about everything

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2006
Sick of just about everything
6
Thu, 02-22-2007 - 7:03pm
I just need to let some stuff out. I know I have become depressed over the winter. I usually do get really down when it is cold and snowy but this year I feel I just have been hit harder with it. I have tried taking meds in the past, but they just aren't me. Plus, they make my stomach upset. I try to exercise to relieve my depression. But lately I feel like nothing is going right. I work full-time, but it is a stressful job. I am also an evening student, so much of my free time is spent doing my homework. And I have been coming down with a cold or something every other week. It seems like I am constantly sick. Doesn't sound like much is really wrong, right? Well, I am just not really happy with anything. The only thing that truly makes me happy is my pets. I don't think I would ever have the nerve to really end my own life, but I have just thought about it and I would miss my pets terribly but I don't really think I can say that for anyone else. My boyfriend is verbally abusive most of the time. I am 40 and he is a couple years younger than me, but he has all this energy and he complains about me constantly. I have tried telling him to move on if he isn't happy with me. but he won't move on. Probably 'cause there isn't a soul out there that would listen to his b.s. for long. I feel so trapped. I grew up in a family that was relatively poor and uneducated. I have been trying for years to better myself and have had nothing but stumbling blocks along the way. It's all so hard though. My mother was always depressed and still is. There is a mild depression that I have inherited, and at certain times it seems to intensify. It just seems like everyone else has great things going on and are surrounded by people that love them and I just feel very alone. My pets are the only things I truly cherish and that make me feel happy. I just never thought at this age I would feel like this. It upsets me to know that I am this far into my life and i can't find a better life. I really hate complaining like this because of course things could be much worse. I am not an ungrateful person. It just seems like my life has so many good things missing from it. At my age, my friends all have their families and their own thing going on. I live alone, which I prefer, but I guess I just feel really lonely and misunderstood.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2006
Thu, 02-22-2007 - 7:42pm
Hi, I'm sorry your going through such a hard time. Do you think there are any new meds out that wouldn't upset your stomach, and make you feel funky? I know alot of people who've tried different ones, and they usually find one that works.
I'm kind of on the same page you are, some things different, but I know how you feel. Life just seems to be draining me right now. It seems that no matter how hard I try to make my life better, there are so many potholes along the way.
You don't live with your boyfriend, do you? You mentioned that you live alone, so I assume that means not with him. Have you ever told him what's going on with you? I'm not excusing his behavior, especially since I don't know very much. But maybe he'd be kinder if he understood. If he doesn't, is he worth it?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2005
Thu, 02-22-2007 - 9:21pm

Hello and welcome. You don't have to feel lonely anymore, you can join us. :)

What kind of pets do you have? I love animals. My landlord doesn't allow them but I dream of getting a pet one day. You're very important to those special animals who need you. Giving animals a good home and love is very, very important!

Maybe you will move on from your boyfriend and let him complain to himself! You could probably meet someone new at school one of these days. You never know what will happen next week, next month, etc.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Thu, 02-22-2007 - 9:29pm

Hi and welcome to the board... I'm glad you found us--though I'm sorry you aren't feeling so well these days.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2006
Fri, 02-23-2007 - 6:14pm
Thanks for your reply! I just may end up trying some meds if this keeps up. I just have been so sick lately - my immune system must really be low right now. I do not live with my boyfriend. We USED to live together and it didn't work out. We broke up for a while and then got back together. Things really haven't been the same. We have been together for so long (6 years) that i think we both feel too invested to just let it go. But the trouble is that I HAVE told him over and over again what is going on with me. he isn't the understanding type. That is what bothers me the most and what has made this "spell" I am going through so much worse. He is the type that has to be doing something all the time. I have been in school as well as working, so I spend a lot of my free time studying. I certainly would rather be just shooting the breeze but I can't right now. I have done everything I could to not completely push him aside until i finish off this last semester of school but he isnt satisfied. And I am 40 and he is 35 and it is really a BIG DEAL to him that I don't go out drinking with him - you know, act like we are still really young and hang out in bars until 2:30 a.m., etc. I am just really venting now, so sorry I am kinda getting off track. We just arent all that compatible. When we first started dating, I would run around with him. But it just became too much. I don't have the energy level that he has. I have even told him that I feel he needs to find a younger girl - one who has less responsibilities. That only makes him angry. he says that he wants me. but he wants me to be someone I am not. I am sure my situation with him has just really depressed me further. I just really feel like I need a break from the world right now. That isn't so easy to do.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2006
Fri, 02-23-2007 - 6:35pm
Thank you also for your reply. I do usually see a therapist, but she had to take a small leave of absence. so, i have been kind of handle things on my own. I think you are right, though, i have been isolating myself. Mainly though because I have been going to school for 10 years now, taking one class a semester pretty much. and there were a few breaks here and there. And I am in my last class, which has a TON of homework each week. I have been really busting my butt to get it done. I really haven't had much of a life for the past 10 years because I always put school first. My boyfriend hasn't been very supportive either. I mean, he wants me to finish school, but it is for his own selfish reasons. If he was truly being supportive, he wouldnt' be in the background complaining all the time. he wants me to be the way his mom is with him - taking care of EVERYTHING for him. My plate is so full right now, but he doesn't see it that way. Because his mom has energy to spare and she would probably stay up and do her homework in the middle of the night so she could tend to him first. and he is 35! So I have just been depressed because all the decisions I have made are catching up to me. I don't know what to do - but I am also depressed 'cause of the weather, and because I have been coming down with every cold/flu that has crossed my path lately.
anyhow, because I have been so bogged down with school, my friendships have suffered as well. I just keep telling myself that in a couple more months, this will be over and I will be able to do whatever i want with my free time. but yet I am so scared. I want my life to be my own and it seems like my boyfriend keeps trying to control my decisions. And I have become more and more isolated from my friends and family. That is why I am happiest when I am at home, by myself, with my pets. I have been sleeping every chance I get because I don't even want to be awake really. I would rather be sleeping and avoid everything.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Sat, 02-24-2007 - 10:20am

Hey there,


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