here again (poss trigs)

Avatar for markshay
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2003
here again (poss trigs)
4
Mon, 02-26-2007 - 11:23pm
I'm sorry for being a bother. Am at the place where I am wondering if I'll ever be able to pull it together enough to manage to raise my girls. I know that I really am a pretty lousy person. No matter how I look at myself, it's always the same, and I struggle day to day just to manage to function in the littlest ways. Fear of rejection and anger from those around me are what keep me moving at times, (at least moving to the point where it looks like everything is ok). I can't stand to look at myself, just the sight of me, makes me sick. I have NO energy nor motivation to do anything, mostly would just love to sleep but back pains interfers with that. I feel like a big whiner who has no real reason to be whining and totally worthless. Yes my therapist knows a good deal of what is going on with me. She was trying to get me to talk to the doctor or nurses to let them know but I can't do it. It terrify's me to ask for any kind of help. Not to mention that it won't help anyways, just get myself into more trouble. I think I am just waiting until I become totally paralyzed by all of this and I won't have to deal with the guilt and hopefully won't have to know what is going on. I'm rambling, sorry. Again, sorry to post, I probably shouldn't have.
Sandra.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Tue, 02-27-2007 - 11:47am

Hi Sandra,


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Avatar for markshay
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2003
Thu, 03-01-2007 - 8:57am
Thanks Lori for the response. I wish I could say I was doing better. No one other than my therapist knows what is going on right now. Not that those around don't notice me being lazy and more blah than usual but I end up telling them that I am just tired. (which really I am very tired). Probably the biggest problem I have is fear. The absolute terror I feel is overwhelming and way more than I can handle. Anyways, thanks again for you response.
Sandra.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2006
Thu, 03-01-2007 - 10:25am
Sandra, what is the weather like where your living? It's very "blah" here in the midwest. Everything is all muddy and slushy, and the sky is gray. It sure doesn't help my depression and mood swings! I think it was Lori that mentioned seasonal depression in another post. It's not so unusual for people to feel a little more down at certain times of the year. Also, do you think you may have social anxiety disorder? I ask this because you mentioned something about being afraid. I know how that feels. Your not alone in all of this, someone on this board is always here to offer kind words and support.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Thu, 03-01-2007 - 10:48am

Hey Sandra,


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