Struggling to hold it together!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-15-2006
Struggling to hold it together!
9
Fri, 03-02-2007 - 9:42am

I'm slipping big time. all week i've thought about my "wall". we had a therapy session and it didn't go well. i confronted him about what he said that he would feel relived if i were to leave or to die. he said he didn't mean that he would be relieved that i were to die and me thinking that shows that i have a problem. i sent him an email and i poured out my guts to him. i waited all day long for him to send a response but nothing. when he got home i asked him about it and he said he didn't recieve it. so i printed it out and handed it to him and he said he read it. a fw hours later i asked him what his response was and he said he didn't have one. to me that was a kick in the gut and i told him in therapy that. I poured out my heart to him and he had no response. i spent time in the parking lot just crying because i couldn't drive. I ran into my phyciatrist at the office just by accident and i told him i ran out of my ambien and that i havn't slep in almost 2 weeks except a few hours here and a few hours there. he asked me why i didn't get it filled and i told him i didn't have the money. he told me how dangerous it is for me to go without sleep and he brought me a bunch of samples in so i could sleep. i've been without 5 of my meds that i really need because we just don't have the money for it!

I feel my self lsipping further and further into an abyss. we go back again next thursday together and i don't see the point. he wants all the changing to be me and he says he doesn't do anything wrong. just like he has said for the past 20 years! I feel like i'm stuck on a merrygo round and i cna't get off except to jump into the unknown!

Robin

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Fri, 03-02-2007 - 12:11pm

Hey Robin,


Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2005
Fri, 03-02-2007 - 4:10pm

Robin,

I'm sorry. DH and I are in couples therapy too and it's not helping me at all. It seems like the therapists always like him better. He acts like an angel in therapy and they buy it. I act the same as I always do so I come across as the b*.

Guess what our therapist told us? I was talking about how my DH is inconsiderate, selfish, and never does anything romantic for me.

Well the therapist said, "Men can't help being inconsiderate. They have an XY chromosome and women have an XX chromosome, so women have more genes. Men can't help being the way they are." or something like that. She basically gave my DH and excuse to be selfish and thoughtless forever, not like he needed one!

Then she said that I have to teach him to be romantic and thoughtful! Like I want to be teaching an adult these things! And doesn't she think I've been trying for years? He doesn't listen to me!

I agree with Lori though, don't kill yourself over a man. Leave him first. I've thought about leaving DH so many times! I love him so I'm still loyal so far. However if it came down to it I would leave before letting him be the death of me. (Literally).




Edited 3/2/2007 4:19 pm ET by bluerains
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Fri, 03-02-2007 - 5:01pm

Hey Blue,


Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket 
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Fri, 03-02-2007 - 7:58pm
Robin
So sorry for your trials. Please hang in there. i wish i could give you more but im trying to get through the day but im sending you hugs and thinking about you.
Jessi
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2006
Fri, 03-02-2007 - 8:42pm
Robin, you deserve to be treated so much better than you are being treated now. That is NOT love! If you continue to let others treat you this way, you will never be happy! Remember, you are NOT the problem here, it's your husband. It wouldn't be right for me to tell you to leave him, but a person can only take so much of this treatment. You need to start taking care of yourself, and putting yourself first.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-15-2006
Sun, 03-04-2007 - 9:18pm

Well this weekend i've been home. we went to my dd's all star basket ball game and she played awesome.

I took my son to a playdate but mostly was home. i won't be going to my friend house until thursday to spend the night so i'll be here. this weekend i've really been trying to get some kind of reactio out of him. he's been in the computer room all day working on bills. i was listening to some of the music from the laundry room (which is right next to his computer room) and listening to the lyrics and they made me cry. i calmed down and walked in while he was on the computer. i started to rub his shoulders and try to make contact with him. I leaned down for a kiss and he ignored that i was there. usualy in the past he would have grabbed me kissed me or something but today it was like i wasn't there. it hurt more than anything at all.

When in bed at night we have a king size waterbed and during the night we usually reach for each other. I think that is because he is asleep and doesn't know what he is doing but that is as far as it goes. It hurts it hurts deep in my soul. I know he knows how much he is hurting me but i don't think he cares. It is tearing me to pieces. one minute i want to leave and just leave him with the kids then i think i cna't do that to the younger ones they need me. then the next minute i give it all i've got and try to make some kind of connection with him but i may as well be a speck on the tv that is ignored. i don't know how much more of this i can take. I've told him how it is tearing me up but he said there is nothing he can do about it. i've been physically sick for weeks now! I go for a remicaide treatment on friday but i'm not sure if that wil help anymore. 75% of a flair up of crohns is caused by stress and right now i've got more than that. al though this week as been an ok week with me and the girls.

They are at their aunts house again for the weekend and the one i'm having the most problems with the 17 year old called me today and asked her if i'd take her to the mall tomorrow so she could buy herself some jeans. her sister ripped two of them trying to get her too big butt into them and she said she ripped her last pair while at her aunts house chasing the dog. I told her i would take her to the mall but she had to help me around the house first. so tomorrow night while i go to the gym i'll drop her off at the mall across the street from the gym. She also called and asked if she could bribe me! she wants a friend of hers to spend the night next weekend. she told me she'd bring me a choclate shake and she'd really try to watch her mouth and help out more around the house. she told me she knew i was having my treatment friday and if i wanted to come home after the treatment instead of my friends house she would make sure the house stayed clean and the kids stayed quiet. I won't comes home becaus ei need the rest but i was surprised she offered. i'm not holding my breath that the peace will last but i'm hoping.

Robin

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-15-2006
Sun, 03-04-2007 - 9:27pm

You know what gets me is these phyciatrist and therapist say it's not in a mans genes to be romantic. well what the heck happened when we met them and they sent flowers took us out to dinner held out hand during the scarry parts of the movie or begged us to marry them. what happened on the wedding night did they have an act to play. what happened the first year when everything was romantic what happned to that. is it in the rule book that once you've been married for a while that all men have to turn into Ted Bundie (from that tv show the one who walks around with his hands in his pants lusting after other women) I just don't get! what happened to the man who stood at that alter and told me he loved me for ever and he would love me for better and worse. well i've loved him through the worse all the financial mistake he's made all the times he left the cap off the tooth paste or the times he forgot my birthday? What happened to all the time i've loved him while he was working late and still managed to have dinner on the table when he came home. He tells me i'm not the same person he married but atleast i've still got the romance and crave it what happened to his end of the bargain. if i were to get flowers now i'd probally have a heart attack. if i were to walk down the aisl at walmart and he were to reach his hand up my shirt or down the back of my pants like he used to just for the thrill of it i think i'd have my husband declaired either missing or insane. it was only a fw short years ago we acted like kids in a movie theater not anymore. he makes sure if and when we go to a movie theatre there is a seat between us to put his jacket and his darn soda!

Damnit i want a man to give me the things i deserve i want the roses the candle light and the hugs and kisses 'm not too old for that yet. how can i teach my kids that love really does exist if they don't see it between their father and me.

i just wonder i know i'm rambling on here. and no i haven't had a drink but sure could use one right about now!!!
Robin

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Mon, 03-05-2007 - 11:18am

Hey Robin,


Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket 
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-15-2006
Mon, 03-05-2007 - 1:52pm
I've asked that question to him while in therapy and i've asked it when we were alone. he says the onlly reason he hasn't left is because financailly he can't. he said he can't afford two house holds. I know that is true because right now we are barely surviving as it is.