What to do......

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2007
What to do......
5
Wed, 03-14-2007 - 3:02pm
Hi,
I am not quite sure where to go with this other than I wish I could go through with a plan to leave this nasty cold world. It seems like every day is the same, wake up, go to my inherited family business where we have no money due to alot of reasons, hope for someone to pay their bill so I can pay mine, go home, make dinner, roll cigarettes, go to bed, wake up and do it all over again. All I do all day long is worry, worry, and worry somemore. There are days that I just wish to be taken away by a car accident or something I just cannot handle this anymore! I cry at all times of the day but I cannot let anyone know because then I am a weak person who just needs to suck it up and deal with life as it comes. I am tired of dealing with my life the way it is. I know that people are going to tell me to change my life but how do I do that when my elderly parents are depending on the business for their retirement and I already lost their house because I can no longer make the payment on it? I had perfect credit three years ago, and now that is shot to heck. I have brothers and sisters but the parents depend on me and my big brother for everything. My parents are not well people, heck, I am not a well person but I cannot afford to go to a doctor. I pray to god every night to help me through these hurdles that he has thrown my way, but no help comes. I truly believe the only thing keeping me alive right now are my two grandkids. My granddaugter would be devastated if I left this world. She is only 5, so she would have happy memories of me, but this is really hard. I have thought about suicide for over a year now, and it seems like every day I get a little closer to talking myself into doing something drastic. Well, now I have to go and improve my life by going to college, put on a happy face and act like everything is going great. Thanks for listening, and if you have any advice or want to hear more about my sad life, I will check in again tomorrow sometime. Thanks
forkliftlady2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Wed, 03-14-2007 - 6:42pm

Hi Forkliftlady and welcome to the board--although, I wish no one had to hurt "that bad" so as to need such a place... I hope you'll stick around and let us get to know you and vice versa. This is a really safe, supportive place to be!


First let me say I am not a doctor and despite those "cl" initials in front of my name, I am not here to diagnose or tell you that my way of doing things is the "right" way. I believe strongly that we have no right to judge other people unless we've walked in their shoes and also, that healing can be as individual as we are!


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2005
Wed, 03-14-2007 - 8:58pm

If the business isn't making any money, would it be better to sell it or close it? It might be less stressful.

Grandparents are very special. You're a blessing to your grandchildren just by loving them. I was in my early twenties when my grandparents started dying, and it was still way too soon and devestating. I wish they were still here with me.

You've tried your best with this company, that's all anyone can do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2007
Thu, 03-15-2007 - 3:01pm
Hi Lori,
I appreciate you responding with such kind words. I also believe that I am depressed because I have all of the symptoms that you described. I tell ya, it is really hard to roll out of bed in the morning knowing what I have to face. I am just really tired of dealing with everything with life. As I stated before, the only reason I am here is for my grandkids and whenever I think about doing something drastic, I look at my granddaughters picture and tell myself that I cannot leave her. Your post started the waterworks as I have no one with which to discuss my feelings with. My husband is a really good guy but he does not understand what I go through day in and day out. I did make an appointment with a doctor for next week, so hopefully someone will understand. Anyways, I have too much on my plate and I know this. I will talk to you later as hubby is coming in right now. Ok, I am back. I can not discuss things like this with hubby as he expects me to be happy all of the time and with the pressures that I am under, I find it hard to be happy all of the time. Anyways, I thank you for your kind words and yes I will be checking in here for a long time to come as I have stated before, I have no one with which to discuss my problems or anyone that understands. Thanks again!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Thu, 03-15-2007 - 5:45pm

Hey there,


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2007
Fri, 03-16-2007 - 2:50pm
Hi Bluerains:
Yes, the discussion of selling the company has come around but there are a number of problems associated with that. First off, we have been in business for almost 30 years and things started to go downhill when my dad was diagonosed (sp?) with colon cancer after going through quad by pass heart surgery. This business means the world to my brother and both of us are in extreme debt because of the business. Couple that along with the fact that I live in Michigan and people up here just do not have any money to buy food let alone a business. Things are so bad up here my elderly parents have to go without heat because the gas company refuses to give them any more gas to heat the house. I have checked with all the agencies and get no help from anyone, so they rely on space heaters and such just to keep warm. The other reason we do not want to sell or close the business is because of a brother in law of ours that wants to destroy us and we just will not give up. I have made an appointment with a lawyer to discuss our options and maybe things will get better. I think part of the reason I am so depressed is because of my husband. I love him with all of my heart and he is a really good guy, but we spend literally 24 hours a day, 7 days a week together and it is getting to be too much. Thank goodness, he goes back to his regular job next week, I hope! I can not concentrate on anything while he is here because he always tells me that I am doing it wrong. And I mean everything! It feels like walking on egg shells so as not to p!ss him off and when that happens I just clam up and get accused of having an attitude. Sorry about the rant........I am sorry about your grandparents, I know how special they are. My grandparents were not very loving with me at all, and I always said that when I became a grandma, I would never treat my grandchildren the way that they did. So, another weekend is upon me and what do I have to look forward to? Sitting in the house, which I am unable to clean because hubby will not leave. Does anyone think that I am weird because I like to clean house alone? He just does not understand that and never leaves, so my house is dirty and I hate it! I cannot wait until racing season starts, then at least I have Saturdays to myself! Take care all and I appreciate the responses! It feels good to have people understand me!