In Need of Coping Skills

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2007
In Need of Coping Skills
4
Mon, 03-19-2007 - 7:31am
Ok I thought I was getting better but I thought wrong.  I am feeling so utterly alone.  The clencher was last night while my dh promised some time to ourselves and that never happened.  I cried myself to sleep this morning and now I feel dead inside while he just fell asleep with no problem.  I know this is juvenile but I just left the house to go to work w/o kissing him goodbye.  My thoughts are this: If he didnt have time to spend with me last night, I dont have a moment to give him a kiss goodbye.  Like I said, I know it is immature but my heart hurts and I am confused.  I just want to end this hurt...it is too much for me to bear.  I know I am truly depressed when my eating, sleeping and other things I enjoyed are all suffering.  Life just doesnt hold anything worthwhile for me anymore.  I always read this document when I am feeling down and it helps a bit (http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/) but today it just isnt helping.  I really do not want to go back to the house with him there. 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Mon, 03-19-2007 - 10:50am

Hi Darla (or would you prefer we address you by your screen name?) and welcome to the board.... I'm glad you found us and I hope you'll stick around and let us get to know you and vice versa if you so choose. This board (as do all ivillage boards) has some wonderfully supportive and caring ladies and it's a safe place to "vent" about life's big and little disappointments!


I am sorry your dh was insensitive to your needs.... Rejection (or even perceived rejection for many of us) can be very painful and even though yes, it may be "juvenile" to want to strike back--it IS a very normal response! In doing so, we hope the person we care about will "feel our hurt," show remorse and not do it again. In reality though, everyone is different and what is important or painful to you might not be as painful or as important to others. Yes, spending time with you SHOULD be important but I guess what I'm suggesting is that he might not know how hurt and rejected you felt if you don't take the day to cool down and then go back tonite and talk to him.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Mon, 03-19-2007 - 10:57am

Oops! I forgot to address what you asked for---coping skills! Sorry--lol! Okay, for coping with depression and anger some things that I've found helpful and/or recommended when working with others is: journaling, deep breathing, exercise, talking out your feelings, distraction (staying busy with work, housework etc), spending time with friends doing something fun, petting an animal, meditation and other relaxation techniques, a hot bubble bath, a nap, "comfort food," writing a letter to the person who is upsetting you (can mail --or not--either way is helpful to get it out there!), medication, hospitalization (when things get really bad/dangerous this is helpful/necessary for some people), spending time with a child, volunteer work etc., etc., etc....


Hope that helps a bit! Hugs, Lori

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2003
Wed, 03-21-2007 - 12:51pm

I am sorry to hear about your problems with dh. That's a shame): I have never been good with relationship issues, but was wondering if you guys are able to communicate? Just a thought, but do you think dh noticed you left without kissing him? Cause I know some guys that would never faze them;) Perhaps it would be better to get things in the open. Next time, have a chat & tell him exactly what you told us. Not kissing him probably made you feel better temporarily. In the long run, telling him why you didn't might make you both feel better.


As for coping, I am a person who battles anxiety & dreadful health concerns. Most of them are entirely unfounded. I meditate, belly breathe, practice progressive relaxation & repeat positive affirmations. Many times I write lists of my good points & refer to the list when I struggle with negative thinking. I have referred to the website you provided many times.


You DO matter. You WOULD be missed. You have value & worth. The depressing thoughts have caused you to lose sight of the good in you. But, we know it's there & we care about you. GL & GBU! (((hugs))) jan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2006
Wed, 03-21-2007 - 3:37pm

Hello there, sorry to learn you are also unwell, have you had a serious talk with your DH to make it clear that you were offended by him not making time for you to be together? He should certainly be more considerate of your feelings, but it is possible that he just didn't reflect enough and needs it to be made obvious where he was at fault.

As to coping skills... my psychiatrist ordered that I go swimming everyday. I consider it to be a real equal opportunities sport because you don't have to be good at anything to do it and it is fun to do on one's own. Exercise is very good for depressive people, Charles Dickens had a routine for going on long walks to keep his mood stable.

I also listen to classical music as a diversion when I'm feeling tense. In the UK classic FM station plays it for free, but then you also have to put up with the IDIOT presenters making inane interruptions >>:(

When I was plagued with very strong suicidal urges I used certain UK helplines to distract my mind, Saneline was one and CALM (a variant for young men only) was another which would help a little. I really think you should make it clear to your dh how you are feeling though, it is his duty first and foremost to help you.

Another strategy I could suggest is to watch a favourite dvd or read a favourite book.

I hope that helps. Are you on anti-depressants? Please get back to us if you need more help.