How do others react?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2006
How do others react?
36
Fri, 03-23-2007 - 5:40pm

After seeing Allie's post where she mentioned that her casual acquaintances don't understand anything about suicide related issues I was wondering what experiences other members had had with others reacting to their being suicidal?

In January I was trying everything to distract my mind from the overbearing suicidal impulses and tried various UK helplines. One was the Samaritans which is very long standing and was mentioned in Fawlty Towers. The persons at the other end tended to be unhelpful, replying with scornful jibes to my confessions of being suicidal. I found Saneline (a helpline for those with mental illnesses) rather better and CALM (a variant for young men only) also a useful distraction.

When a professor recommended that I have counselling the first counsellor seemed rather uneasy and referred me to the university psychiatrist. The psychiatrist did not seem to be easily phased. He was quite calm one time when phoning me back after I had attempted to find him when feeling overwhelmed again although I received an odd look from the one other English speaker in the chemist whilst conducting the phonecall.

The head counsellor at the university was the one who took me to the hospital. She seemed sympathetic about the vague details of my home life I had given her, uttering an involuntary ejaculation at one point, but I got the impression she was rather tired of my company by the time we arrived there. The accident and emergency ?nurse treated the matter as routine. They have to ask a long list of questions, some of them rather silly. I believe they had an image wrong with one of the questions asking about psychotic symptoms. The nurse asked if I felt like I was being controlled by a robot, but I suggested that a marionette was a better simile, a concept he rather struggled with.

A really stupid nurse somehow mistook me for a doctor and asked where she should put a very distraught east asian man! *Why don't we have an eye roll icon* I was a little surprised about how the little man allowed himself to rant and burst into tears, I always try to keep myself impassive no matter how I feel, in my experience that has often been safer.

I've a feeling my father doesn't really grasp that I have been suicidal. Maybe it's because he has never been himself. I don't know. The pschiatrist I saw more recently was better at extracting information from me though is not impassive. When I accidentally gave details of school life and life with mother he said "terrible!" (he is Icelandic). I felt a little embarassed about this :o It's a regulation for them to send a transcript of appointments to patient's local GPs so there could be quite a number of doctors who know this stuff now.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2003
Fri, 03-23-2007 - 9:21pm

In the early 90's when I suffered a severe clinical depression with suicidal ideation, I was IP 3 times in as many months. I felt that the staff(having been one of the staff on that unit myself) were getting pretty sick & tired of me. I came right out & said as much. However, they assured me that was their job & that it was my depression & low self-esteem talking. I had only one Nurse Ratchett & looking back on the experience, she was pretty much everyone's Nurse Ratchett. (For those who don't know,

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2005
Fri, 03-23-2007 - 9:25pm

"I was wondering what experiences other members had had with others reacting to their being suicidal?"

I don't think they know. I'm pretty sure that no one would understand unless they felt the same way themselves.

Actually, I did find out that one of my cousins was suicidal just this past year. And I was shocked...she's perky, cheerful, glamorous, beautiful, extroverted, successful, etc...I guess she just hides it really well. So I told her a little about how I felt the same way. But I don't tell anyone else because I don't want to burden them and I don't want them to treat me differently, or worry, etc.

My husband knows, but doesn't understand either. He never knows what to say when I try to talk to him about it. I guess it's not fair to him to talk to him about it, so I don't much anymore. It just scares and hurts him and doesn't help me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Sat, 03-24-2007 - 12:10pm

Ohhh, I could write a BOOK on this subject (and actually, it's going to be PART of the book I've been working on from time to time lol) but time is limited right now because I'm due at a family birthday party for my niece who is now 13! So I will come back later and share more.... Hugs, Lori

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2006
Sat, 03-24-2007 - 12:50pm
Well enjoy yourself and wish your niece happy birthday from me!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2006
Sat, 03-24-2007 - 2:47pm

We all know about Nurse Ratchett Jan, I am the son of her real life equivalent! I disliked the idea of staying in the hospital due to the idea of being vulnerable to the nurses, just as much as that of being around those with very serious mental problems. I was very annoyed by the stupid nurse's lack of discretion, even if that patient could only manage broken English, she had no right to refer to him as though he were a sack of potatoes in his presence!

Do you feel that your friend and mother seemed hurt because they felt as if your state of mind was due in some way to their inability to take care of you? I'm aware I know nothing at all about them, but am curious as to how much detail you shared. I saw a documentary once about someone who was suicidal and in hospital and his mother was angry in a mixed up way because she felt let down that he hadn't confided in her and also at herself, because it offended her pride in her maternal skills.

@bluerain - I'm sorry you don't feel able to discuss it properly with your dh. I wish I were a relationships advice wizard. If I do ever come up with some worthwhile advice I will not hesitate to give it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2003
Sat, 03-24-2007 - 11:57pm

I have no clue. So, these are just guesses. My mother has always been a bit on the apathetic side, unless it's something that concerns her;) OTOH, my gf is a very kind & empathetic person. A couple of years after my illness, she told me about her depression & hospitalization after the death of her only db. I suspect it hit a little too close to home.


Why do you think people are uncomfortable discussing suicidal ideation? In your case or even in general. TIA (((hugs))) jan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2006
Sun, 03-25-2007 - 12:12pm

I'm surprised your friend couldn't be a better support to you if she had experienced a devastating loss that had made her ill in the same way you were. Do you have a network of real life support now?

I imagine that my dad can't really empathise because he has not been suicidal. I'm not sure if he really knows I actually am. He is a little bit senile now, but that hasn't fundamentally impaired his judgement. I have accepted that he won't properly understand never having been in my position :( (incidentally, he wanted a frog like Michigann J Frog for his birthday last Halloween, hence my screenname ;) )

Alot of people are not sentient enough to have an opinion - others who have not been suicidal themselves might be callous, or irritated because it upsets their established ideas on things. Noone would want to think that they could potentially be a danger to themself.

What does TIA stand for?

xxx

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Tue, 03-27-2007 - 10:32pm
Sorry): I went looking for the iVillage link to the list of board acronyms & couldn't find it. I forgot all about you;) TIA means *thanks in advance.* HTH (((hugs))) jan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2006
Wed, 03-28-2007 - 12:34pm

It's OK I know you have to compete with a 16 year old for your connection. That is no picnic :o

The other cl seems to have forgotten the thread too ;) I can post about some other acquaintances of mine with regards to their reactions later. Having made myself start dredging these things up from my mind, it seems that very slowly, more is rising to the surface.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Wed, 03-28-2007 - 3:36pm

 

 


 



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