How do others react?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2006
How do others react?
36
Fri, 03-23-2007 - 5:40pm

After seeing Allie's post where she mentioned that her casual acquaintances don't understand anything about suicide related issues I was wondering what experiences other members had had with others reacting to their being suicidal?

In January I was trying everything to distract my mind from the overbearing suicidal impulses and tried various UK helplines. One was the Samaritans which is very long standing and was mentioned in Fawlty Towers. The persons at the other end tended to be unhelpful, replying with scornful jibes to my confessions of being suicidal. I found Saneline (a helpline for those with mental illnesses) rather better and CALM (a variant for young men only) also a useful distraction.

When a professor recommended that I have counselling the first counsellor seemed rather uneasy and referred me to the university psychiatrist. The psychiatrist did not seem to be easily phased. He was quite calm one time when phoning me back after I had attempted to find him when feeling overwhelmed again although I received an odd look from the one other English speaker in the chemist whilst conducting the phonecall.

The head counsellor at the university was the one who took me to the hospital. She seemed sympathetic about the vague details of my home life I had given her, uttering an involuntary ejaculation at one point, but I got the impression she was rather tired of my company by the time we arrived there. The accident and emergency ?nurse treated the matter as routine. They have to ask a long list of questions, some of them rather silly. I believe they had an image wrong with one of the questions asking about psychotic symptoms. The nurse asked if I felt like I was being controlled by a robot, but I suggested that a marionette was a better simile, a concept he rather struggled with.

A really stupid nurse somehow mistook me for a doctor and asked where she should put a very distraught east asian man! *Why don't we have an eye roll icon* I was a little surprised about how the little man allowed himself to rant and burst into tears, I always try to keep myself impassive no matter how I feel, in my experience that has often been safer.

I've a feeling my father doesn't really grasp that I have been suicidal. Maybe it's because he has never been himself. I don't know. The pschiatrist I saw more recently was better at extracting information from me though is not impassive. When I accidentally gave details of school life and life with mother he said "terrible!" (he is Icelandic). I felt a little embarassed about this :o It's a regulation for them to send a transcript of appointments to patient's local GPs so there could be quite a number of doctors who know this stuff now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Wed, 03-28-2007 - 11:16pm

Hi Michiganjfrog,


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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2006
Thu, 03-29-2007 - 11:08am

Heh heh, yes.

Thank you for sharing, your thoughts are very instructive for us.

I am shocked by the behaviour of this 'EMT' you mentioned. Is that like an ambulance worker? He should have been reported for it.

And I agree about testing the limits with some acquaintances. You never know unless you find out.

I was refered to a psychiatrist for the first time in October 2004 by the GP. During that time I was in a state of constant high anxiety. I would go to pieces at trivial things like plumbing noises and rowdy neighbours. I had struck myself on the head in frustration but was later concerned about the ill effects of having done this. The GP became curious as to why I struck myself and then acted very uneasily and said that she did not know why she was uneasy about me, but that she was disconcerted by my smiling when relating this and was contacting the local mental health team. I saw two psychiatrists in the local hospital, an elderly man and a youngish woman. The first seemed to have quite a terse demeanour. He said that he had a problem with the 'nonchalence' I had towards my future and staying alive. I can't remember his exact wording. I was miffed to find out that in a letter to a third party he had written that I am "a very awkward character and not at all forthcoming (in interviews)."

The woman was a little strange, she would usually respond with 'right' in an affected voice. One of the two from the local mental health team who brought me to the psychiatrist though gave the impression of being genuinely anxious as far as I could tell, I think it was just before we saw the old psychiatrist, she was asking if my parents were aware I was not well, I made some immature response about only physical health problems being valid, and she refered to her own experience of being a mother in recognising when children had problems.

I remember that the JCR president did not change her demeanour towards me at all despite having some idea of my problems, although the Senior Tutor certainly did. Another boy on the floor above became aware of it too and when he met me would address me smirking to ask if I was alright in a sarcastic tone and to laugh ostentatiously when I was nearly out of earshot.

The second last person from that local mental health team I ever knew gave an opinion of sorts when I saw him. We were talking about the risks of side effects in medication and he said that the benefits outweighed side effects in that they enabled the patient to 'have a life.' He said that he would understand if someone were suicidal if 'they had fallen off the ugly tree' but that I was quite attractive. I'm not sure if he were attempting to hit on me or something :o

These experiences I have just written were from earlier memories than most of those in the original post. If anyone has a question they think I could help them with then please fire away.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2006
Thu, 03-29-2007 - 11:13am

Are these features specifically for cls?

Thank you, I have posted some earlier memories, we'll see if I dredge up anything deeper in time ;)

xx

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Thu, 03-29-2007 - 1:13pm

I will have to ponder what you & Lori have shared. It makes me ashamed to say that I worked as a psych nurse for most of my nursing career):


As for the Express Yourself package, it is available to anyone. Here is the link to try out the features & make a decision. http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/listsf.asp?webtag=iv-ivexytest&nav=start&prettyurl=%2Fiv%2Divexytest

 

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Thu, 03-29-2007 - 3:52pm

Hi Michiganjfrog,


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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2006
Tue, 05-01-2007 - 9:51am

Just checking in once more. I have been feeling worse lately and have been put on increased medication. I'm sorry I haven't been able to help support the other visitors.

I would like to add another couple of little anecdotes to the thread.

When I was an undergraduate I was interested in theology and was the sort of person who would enjoy conversations with Jehova's witnesses and Mormons (alot of people boast about practising their discourtesy with the same). I never broached the subject of suicide with any religious peers until I was a post graduate though. I once saw an African American visitor to the area who was very zealous (also the only African American I've ever known). He suggested that my depression and suicidal impulses were caused by Satan in a Satanic attempt to injure me. I think he believed that depression has diabolical causes because those suffering from it tend to be guilty of sloth.

Because my postgraduate college was at the East End the most common religion there was Islam and all greatly religious undergraduates were muslims. They once had a stall with a few of them taking frequently asked questions and I asked one of them about the implications of suicide ideation. It was necessary to stoop somewhat in order to keep eye contact. He had very roughly carved features. He seemed pretty bored by the topic of depresion, but said that those who kill themselves are OK if they have accepted Allah beforehand.

@Lori - *triggers*

is there any discussion area on ivillage for friends of those who have suffered sexual abuse but have not necessarily suffered it themselves? I've been bothered again lately by reminiscing about how a friend of mine was raped and I have never really come to terms with it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Tue, 05-01-2007 - 11:18am

It's good to see you again:) I am sorry that things have been rough for you. Seems that this is pretty much the norm for those suffering with depression. Ups & downs.


It's an easy trap for us to fall into. The negative thinking permeates every aspect of our lives. Though I'm not Catholic, I got the most reassurance ever from a priest. He had suffered depression & survived a suicide attempt. He told me that God loved me MORE when I was so down & that God was crying along with me. This was a comfort since I no longer felt others understood & I felt very alone. An old friend

 

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2006
Tue, 05-01-2007 - 6:26pm

Hello Jan. How have you been keeping?

Yes I feel like my thoughts are locked into a negative pattern and my brain is like a jar of mayonaisse with an abnormal label on it. Adopting nine little tadpoles hasn't helped like I might have hoped it would.

I think different types of spirituality must each help different people in different ways to different extents and for different reasons. It's a very individual and circumstantial thing, like how a specific individual might react to a bereavement.

The cognitive behavioural psychologist has finally scheduled me in tomorrow. I will see what that is like.

xoxoxo

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Tue, 05-01-2007 - 11:10pm

Heyyy Michiganjfrog,


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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2006
Fri, 05-04-2007 - 9:36am

Hello Lori. Yes I'm feeling pretty lethargic these days. I had intended at first to help set the other visitors a good example, but I really don't feel up to much. How are you doing?

The Footprints poem is unforgettable... I expect it is used in Chicken Soup for the Soul.

The psychologist finally scheduled me in and instructed me to keep a four hourly thought journal.

xoxo