not doing well

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
not doing well
5
Mon, 03-26-2007 - 8:43am
lots of bad thoughts. too many thoughts in my head are jumbled. i dont trust anyone to tell them how i feel. dh tells me they will take the kids away from us if i tell them how i feel. i cant trust anyone. im very very sad today,cant hold the pain in and i scratched my arm really badly with my nails to get some pain out.
j
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Mon, 03-26-2007 - 9:12am

Hey Jessi,


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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Mon, 03-26-2007 - 10:17am
Thank you Lori, my arm is just scratched, barely broke the skin, im fine. I have a really bad cold today and did not sleep well and was kind of having some weird mental things going on where i thought I was dying in my sleep and I would wake up scared and did not know if I was awake or asleep. I had taken some cough syrup, antihistamine and decongestant and I dont think it worked very well with me and being on my regular meds which I forgot to take again and that didnt help. I hurt my back and I am going to have an MRI tomorrow and I may need surgery if it is pinched nerve. DH paycheck was short because he was out sick and it will be shorter next payday too. We only had $300 to pay the car insurance, water bill, food and gas and medicine to last 2 weeks so it has been very stressful. Luckily the girls are on medicaid so their dr visits and medicine dont cost us a thing. I filled out most of my disability paperwork yesterday and will finish today but it really made me feel open and vulnerable to even admit all my problems so all this combined made me feel really bad. I am doing a bit better now. My girls are very happy kids it is just me that is messed up. They are my world and they make me so happy, I love them so much that I would never want to shake up their stability because I am so unstable. I just think of all the worst things that could happen to me and that I guess is my biggest fear to not have them around. I just thought that if you are suicidal then they automatically take your kids. I just get down sometimes and then have overwhelming thoughts that do not usually last a long time if I get help and talk to someone like DH or my sisters. No one gives me advice, they just kind of help me to get re-grounded and somehow I do feel better. Thanks!!!
Jessi
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Mon, 03-26-2007 - 12:39pm

Hey Jessi,


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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2006
Mon, 03-26-2007 - 7:49pm

Hi there Jessi, I am sorry you are under such stress, you certainly seem to have alot on your plate. I hope your health and financial situation improve. I forgot to take my medication lately and I think that contributed to a deterioration in my mood. I know medication can be unreliable and some don't work for certain people, but the only way even the right ones will work at all is if they are taken 'religiously' as my dad says.

Your daughters are lucky to have such loving parents. No sane person would separate you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Mon, 03-26-2007 - 11:31pm
(((Jessi))) That's a shame that you have so many stressors in such a short time. It's good to hear that you have others who can help you regain your balance. Also, that you have almost completed the paperwork. Try to focus on what's happening in the here & now. It's easy to get trapped into re-thinking the past, when you have to provide all that information. That will be such a relief to put those forms behind you & move forward with your case. Please take care of yourself. You are NOT alone. We care & want the best for you. GL! jan

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