Bettykitty = RabbitMarie

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2006
Bettykitty = RabbitMarie
4
Sat, 03-31-2007 - 7:07am

Hi everybody

I started a new thread so as not to hi-jack Bluerains' post. Yes, I am the one who used to post as RabbitMarie. Nothing "undercover" about the name change-LOL, just that it's been a while and I couldn't remember for sure which nickname I used to post here with since I used different ones for different boards. The fact that some remembered and recognized me even though it's been a while and I was only here for a short time pretty much explains my motivation for the separate "identities".

I used the other boards for information and entertainment but this was a warm and safe place where I could pour out my heart and soul and know that no matter how my words came out, the people here knew how to see through them to the feelings underneath and they were always responded to with care and compassion. I hope you guys realize how wonderful you are and how much you've made a differnce in so many people's lives. This board was a real life-line for me at times, a place reseverd to let out very personal and emotional things. For me to be able to view it that way (yes, even though we use made up names anyway) I had to separate the person posting here from the one who is trying to convince a teenager on another board that a pimple on prom night is not the end of the world-LOL.

I don't think it would be helpful to anyone for me to sit here and lie and say that I now have an amazing life that is all happiness and light and I never have troubles or fears or really bad days that get me down. Quite frankly, I'm positive that anyone who does say that is either lying, incredibly boring or too dense to know any better!

But I can tell you that my life is amazingly better, and happier, and brighter, and though troubles can irritate or challenge me they no longer just shut me down. And though I still occasionally burst into tears, now it's pretty much limited to either a one day a month hormonal episode or an especially touching segment on Oprah. :-) I honestly don't know if this will be a life-long lasting change in me but even if my depression is just "in remission" for a while, I will KNOW that I should always have hope, and remember that if I had given up and not stuck it out before, I would have gone through all the pain without ever getting a payout. Its funny that it was an incredibly cynical and one of the least optimistic of people who told me that "You HAVE to believe that good things are waiting around the next corner, no matter HOW MANY corners leave you empty handed. Because not believing it is f***ing stupid!" I think we should all have that taped to our bathroom mirror.

I didn't write any of this to waive the "look at me" flag. I know what it is to be in so much dispare and pain and be so close to the edge (and found the thought of letting anyone else in my life know this about me unbarable) that my only hope of making it through the night was if I could find something, anything, on the internet that would let me believe it was even worth caring if there was a tomorrow. Well I did. And it is. And I pray that everyone here will find a way to let themselves believe that too.

I wish I could tell you "all you need to do is..." and be able to finish that sentence with something easy that will work for everyone. But heck, I couldn't even tell you for sure what turned things around for me. But it started with me blindly reaching my hand out here and feeling several other hands grab hold of it. Even if there's nothing else in the world you can count on but you're willing to reach out your hand here, you can count on the fact that if you don't let go, they won't either.

Best Wishes
Marie

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Sat, 03-31-2007 - 10:50am

Hey there,


Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Sat, 03-31-2007 - 2:31pm

What a hopeful & inspirational message that was, Marie. Thanks so much for sharing:) I was especially encouraged by: But heck, I couldn't even tell you for sure what turned things around for me. That's the way I remember it. I can recall masses & masses of dark days & when things changed for the better(ever so slightly) I didn't even recognize it @ first.


Aren't you proud of yourself for hangin' on, hangin' in, hangin' around until your recovery began? I sure hope so! GL! (((hugs))) jan

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket


Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting






 

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 10-15-2006
Mon, 04-02-2007 - 2:27pm

But it started with me blindly reaching my hand out here and feeling several other hands grab hold of it. Even if there's nothing else in the world you can count on but you're willing to reach out your hand here, you can count on the fact that if you don't let go, they won't either.

This is exactly what has kept me alive and going for the last several months. It is what keeps me going everyday!

Robin

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Mon, 04-02-2007 - 9:24pm

Heyyy Robin,


Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket