I don't know what to do

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2004
I don't know what to do
7
Sun, 04-01-2007 - 3:56pm
My husband went ballistic on me (again) this morning. He screamed at me how I was crazy and kept twirling his finger beside his head to put a visual to his words. He says he is leaving me and the kids. Always Always Always whenever I drop my guard and let him in, go to him for support when I am struggling it comes back full-force and hits me smack in the face. He knows about my last 'episode',,,,,was so kind to me then and now it is like I am dealing with a whole other individual. It takes so much strength to not let him literally collapse me when he does this to me. How can I ever even begin to think about getting better when I live with one of the major reasons I do what I do to myself ? I cannot keep this house and my car and take care of my kids on just my income and how he knows that and how he smears that in my face over and over again. I am nothing more than a liability, something in the way,,,,,deep down I know that all he says is true and it makes my head swim with the despair of it all. It is just so hard keeping up the 'happy front' for the sake of my family,,,,,,one day my body and thoughts are going to just tell me to 'stop',,,,they will say 'no more' it is time to finally rest.
Abby
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Sun, 04-01-2007 - 7:10pm

Hey Abby,


Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Mon, 04-02-2007 - 11:23am
Hi. I've had suicidal thoughts since I was 15. I'm 31 now, so that's 16 years of trying to live with myself. Whatever you do...DO NOT CAVE IN! You're feeling this way, because you're exhausted, physically and mentally. You're fed up, and you want to throw in the towel. Don't! Fight and fight hard for yourself and for your kids. Men are insensitive, because all they worry about are themselves and their jobs. They don't know how to respect another person's needs, because they're too self-absorbed. Don't go to your spouse for support, because you'll get nowhere. He's obviously toxic, so avoid speaking to him as much as possible. Do the best you can to take care of yourself and your children, and don't validate his opinion. Only do what you can, because you're not expected to be perfect or to be supermom. You're doing a great job as it is. Keep your chin up. You're a good person, and you have too much going for you to throw it all away. Love from others will only be here sometimes. Love for yourself is there all the time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Mon, 04-02-2007 - 1:56pm
Hi Jubileemom and welcome! Do we have a "You go, Girl!" icon? Wish we did because that last sentence of yours holds so much wisdom and truth it takes my breath away! So powerful--thank you for sharing some of your experience/thoughts! Hugs, Lori
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Mon, 04-02-2007 - 2:03pm
Hi! Thank you very much! Glad to be of help! Cheers!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Mon, 04-02-2007 - 2:30pm

welcome30.gif


Hi! Thanks so much for posting your inspirational thoughts. Our community appreciates your support. Please don't be a stranger. You are always welcome here. (((hugs))) jan

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket


Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting



 

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Mon, 04-02-2007 - 2:53pm
Hi! Thank you very much! Happy to do so! Cheers!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Mon, 04-02-2007 - 3:05pm