why TRIGS.. Abuse, wt , mentioned ect.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
why TRIGS.. Abuse, wt , mentioned ect.
2
Wed, 04-04-2007 - 3:48pm

Things start to go real good for me, then all of a sudden I am on an emotional rollercoaster and all I can think of is ways to hurt myself, sometimes just to hurt myself and other times I am fixated on thoughts of suicide and I even picture myself at my own funeral. My T wants me to go on a mood stablizer but as you all know I have weight issues and I will not gain another pound, and all of the meds for Bipolar that I have read about has weight gain as a side effect and that would just make it even worse. My weight is a lot of my depression I think if I can only lose some weight I think I would be happy but with hypothyroidism it is pretty much impossible to lose any kind of weight.

then I was talking to my mom and she told me that 1 of my abusers who had also abused my sister well he admitted to doing stuff to my sister but never mentioned about raping me at the age of 6, so he is made out to be this good guy and I am made out to be a liar.

So why cant I get past all of this garbage in my life and just have the will to live all the time, why do I always think of hurting myself? why cant I just be happy with who I am and not how I look or what my weight is? sorry venting there.. like I said my moods are all over the place.

Mary
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Wed, 04-04-2007 - 11:02pm

Hey Mary,


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Registered: 03-11-2004
Thu, 04-05-2007 - 10:26pm

(((Mary))) That's a shame that you feel as if you are a liar. It is written alot in reliable info, that children do NOT make up these stories. I believe you. I also KNOW that you were too young, defenseless & innocent to stop the attack. You are NOT responsible for it in any way. I know the pain of my mom's inability to accept what happened to me. It breaks my heart that she has contact with the man & thinks he's great. It has been very hard, but I know I am a good person who didn't deserve what happened. I've learned to accept the fact that my mom will never *get it.* I like myself in spite of what she thinks & what really happened.


Life is alot like what they teach @ Al Anon meetings. Take what you need & leave the rest. Don't allow yourself to be bogged down by details that you can't change anyway. Focus on the positives