really struggling trigs

Avatar for markshay
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Registered: 06-04-2003
really struggling trigs
9
Sun, 04-08-2007 - 9:07pm
I am so struggling just to make it thru each day. There's really nothing that is a cause for this either. Altho I do get very upset with dh for wanting attention from me right now and I find it very difficult to give the girls attention as well. I really just want to be left alone and lay in bed. At least sleeping some gives me some relief of feeling so badly. The P doc changed my meds from just wellbutrin to 1/2 of the wellbutrin with cymbalta. A couple of weeks ago we tried celexa with the wellbutrin but that just made me feel physically lousy on top of being so depressed. I hate being in this state. I think about wanting to hurt myself most of the time altho I really don't want to leave my kids but then I start to feel like my being around them this way is worse in the long run. I am afraid of the damage I am doing to my kids by "showing" them this side of me. I've considered being admitted BUT that just makes things so much worse! Not only do I have to $200.00 out of pocket to be there, then dh isn't able to work as much since he has to pick up the slack with the kids. It all just stinks. I stink! I so desperately did NOT want to end up back in this black place again. At least I have made it thru this past week/weekend. Not sure if that is a good thing or not that it is over. I so badly just want to give up, I don't have the energy to fight anymore. Sometimes I scare myself that I might just do something impulsive but I guess If I do, it will just have to be dealt with. Not wanting anything, just needed a place to vent where others know where I am coming from.
Sandra.
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Registered: 02-12-2004
Mon, 04-09-2007 - 10:36am

Hey Sandra,


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Registered: 03-11-2004
Mon, 04-09-2007 - 3:00pm

I am sorry to hear about your struggle, Sandra. Having dealt with it myself, I know how easy it is to stay in bed & pull the covers over my head. It does give us a temporary relief. Unfortunately the problems will still be there waiting):


It's hard to give attention to others when we feel so down about ourselves. I hope that you can communicate your feelings to your dh. In turn, I hope that he will give you a hand with the kids or get someone to give you a hand. It's ok to ask for help when we're feeling like this. Depression is just as real as diabetes. It's not shameful to be a diabetic. It isn't shameful to be depressed. We understand that here & will be glad to support you as you regain your balance.


Please seek help right away if the thoughts of harming yourself become overwhelming. You are a good person with worth & value. You matter to many, including your dh & children. In spite of being under so much stress, you must love your kids very much to want to protect them. I can assure you that if your children could answer the question, *do you want your mom in your life or not?* They would absolutely want you. They need you. Hopefully the med change will kick in & you will begin seeing light @ the end of the tunnel. It is possible. You will get better. It never happens soon enough, so hang in there. GL & GBU! (((hugs))) jan

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Avatar for markshay
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2003
Fri, 04-13-2007 - 7:27pm
Still here. Still really struggling. I'm so tired of feeling like this. Continueing to live like this is beyond my strength to keep going. Even if I do come back up some, I'm still a screwed up person and always will be. oh well, I just don't even have anything to say.
Sandra.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Fri, 04-13-2007 - 9:05pm

Hey Sandra,


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Registered: 01-03-2007
Sat, 04-21-2007 - 8:20pm

hi sandra, im new here. man, i can relate to what your saying so much right now. the last week has been so hard. iv been in a very deep depression myself. if you dont mind id like some info. im just curious why your feeling so down. tell me why you are feeling so bad right now. its nice to know im not alone out there. the last week iv felt like doing myself in as well. i have two children and a boyfriend of 12 yrs. i cant wait to hear from you. as soon as you write me, ill write back. ill even give you my email if it will help. i hate that your feeling so down. we women have to stick together.

rosevillemomof2

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Registered: 03-11-2004
Sat, 04-21-2007 - 9:00pm

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Hi, roseville! I am glad you stopped by to support others. It is much appreciated.


I am sorry to hear that you are so down & thinking to throw in the towel. In the event that the thoughts of harming yourself become overwhelming, please call a friend, a hotline, your dr. or go to the nearest ER. We care about you & want you to feel better about your life. These thoughts are just that. Thoughts! They are NOT you & cannot harm you in any way. Many times the situations we get into are temporary. Acting on the thoughts is permanent. Having others listen to how we feel gives us relief & hope for the future.


Please keep in touch. Share your thoughts & feelings when you are able. GL & GBU! (((hugs))) jan

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Registered: 01-03-2007
Sun, 04-22-2007 - 1:01am

hi jan, thanks for your thoughts. im feeling alot better at this moment. i just have so meny things going on with my body, it gets very depressing. i have really bad acid in my stomach even after taking 2 pills for acid, i have really bad pain in my left leg (it feels like someones pulling all my tenens), i have really bad pain in neck and shoulders (disk deteriation in neck, arthitus in neck) and aching in lower back, and on top of all that diareha (s.p). so it makes me so depressed. im only 37 and have all these issues. it gets tiering feeling pain all the time. like i said, im feeling better now. but iv been feeling really bad the last week. all i want to do is sleep. its nice to have someone respond and let me know they care. thanks again jan.

rosevillemomof2

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Registered: 02-12-2004
Sun, 04-22-2007 - 5:24pm

Hi Rosevillemom,


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Avatar for markshay
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Registered: 06-04-2003
Tue, 04-24-2007 - 5:24pm
Roseville, thanks so much for you response. Sorry I wasn't able to get back to you before this, I was in the hospital from last tuesday til today. I'm not sure I feel much better but sure am glad to be out of the hospital. Was in for the depression and suicidal ideations and as my therapist said, my feeling of complete exhaustion. I wish that you had no idea what it feels like to be this way since I know how misserable it is. Are you seeing a therapist and taking meds? If not, I suggest that you do those things because it can make a difference and if there is any possible way to feel better you should try it, because as you know this way feels really horrible! Really I don't know why I feel the way I do. I know that I am totally entrapped in fear!!! Fear/terror has me immobilized and so trapped. I also feel so very alone (mostly because of the fear as it keeps me isolated). There isn't any "thing" in particular that I am afraid of, it's just a general fear that has me (my internal self) buried so deep that it is suffocating. I have been dealing with this for the past 20 years. It really stinks! I am now on 3 different antidepressants and a sleeping pill. I really don't want to be drugged into a zombie (which I'm not, altho I am a bit jittery and have some trouble with being able to concentrate on seeing things). If there is anything else you would like to know, ask, I'll try my best to answer.
Sandra.