New here, possible triggers...
Find a Conversation
| Mon, 04-09-2007 - 7:35am |
Hi,
I was wondering, do the suicidal thoughts ever go away for good? I have suffered from suicidal thoughts on and off since I have been a teenager (I'm now in my late 30's). Sometimes they come when I am depressed, which is understandable in my mind, but other times I don't feel like I am depressed but still occasionally have intrusive thoughts of suicide, so it is not always "situational". I do have a therapist who I have been working with and I am on medication. I believe a lot of it has to do with self-esteem and abuse that I suffered as a child. I would just like the thoughts to stop. I don't think that I would ever really do anything to hurt myself without calling my tdoc or pdoc first and letting them know where I am mentally so they could try to help. I've been assessed for suicide in the last two weeks, by my tdoc, because of a depression that I am in. I told her how I would do it, I have the means, I think of it often, I have been very close to doing it before, but at the last minute I always think of my two kids and stop. They are my only saving grace. I don't want to do anything to hurt them. I don't want them to live in pain every day like I do...
Thanks,
Peg

Hi Peg and welcome to our board--though I'm sorry you (and the rest of us) have gone through enough so as to need it! This is a safe, supportive place to be and I am hopeful you will hang out with us and let us get to know you--and vice versa!
Hi, Peg! It's nice to see you on the board;) Sorry to hear about your scary thoughts. I agree with Lori that sometimes a pattern develops & it's difficult to break. In the past when I was plagued with thoughts of harming myself, they lasted for a very long time. The pdoc finally diagnosed me with OCD. Many times my thinking is obssessive & it seems that fighting these sorts of thoughts just make them worse.
FWIW, perhaps you can allow the thoughts to pass over you or through you. Do not give them any credit. In spite of their nature, these thoughts cannot harm you. Only you have the ability to act upon them. Keep busy with exercise or mentally stimulating activities that distract you from focusing on them. When they sneak in your mind, focus on positive thoughts. Focus on what is happening *here & now* not what might happen or even will happen. I know it takes some training on our part & it hardly seems fair that we have to struggle like this, but learning to discredit the thoughts is essential.
I am sorry to hear that you have the mode & means to complete your plan. I hope & pray you have entered into a no suicide pact with your *t.* Also, for your own safety, consider removing these items from your home.
We care about you & want you to feel better. GL & GBU! (((hugs))) jan