a friend of mine
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| Sat, 04-14-2007 - 9:49pm |
A friend of mine suggested I come here for some support and hopefully help. My life is a shambles right now. I suffer from anxiety/panic/depression plus I'm DID. I have a personality that is trying to talk us all into taking the "easy" way out and end our lives. Unfortunatly it's starting to sound better all the time. The depression we're suffering right now is killing us on it's own. We keep fighting against it and know in our minds and hearts it's not right but i don't know how to get this feeling to go away. Any suggestions? I'ld tell the pdoc but I'm not ready to do another IP.Though I am going to talk with him about upping my medication. Hopefully that will help. At this point I would rather be zombied out then have these feelings. Just needed to share with people that I hope will understand and not judge me.
Kea

Hi Kea
I know how you feel. But there must be a reason that we both posted here tonight. I feel hopeless too, but we have to hang on and see if the sun comes out tomorrow. I guess we have to look at what every we can to find some hope. It could be the smallest think. I was just watch my dog try to barry a dirty sock in the couch. I lost track of everything around me while watch him. I don't no how long I was watch him, But it gave me a little and I mean little peace for a while. Everyone was calm inside. I wish I could help you more, but I do understand where you are and I hope we both can find some light.
Joan
Joan thank you for the reply. It was really hard for me to post here. You're idea to look for any small thing was a good idea. My friend has told me to take baby steps. Today was somewhat better then yesterday and hopefully tomorrow will be better. I need to work my way out of this deep dark hole I've fallen into. Luckily I do have a personality that is very strong and so far she has keep us safe. I just hope she can continue to do so. Life is precious and I don't think it's my time to leave this world yet.
Kea
I believe that the strong personality will stay strong with baby steps. My Dr told me that baby steps are more important than large ones. Large ones miss parts, baby steps covers all parts. I know when your down, it's so easy to look down. But it sounds like the strong personality is looking up to the light. She will get the others to look to the light and the suicidal one may even look to the light to. I'm looking for the light, but it's still dark here. The light came and went before I knew it.
Joan
Hi Kea and welcome to the board--though I wish you weren't hurting enough to need it... I've not read the other responses to your post yet--so forgive me if I say/suggest something that's already been said!
First, I think it's important that you know you won't be judged here--AND you're not alone! I myself have suffered from depression, anxiety and at different times had dissociative episodes--though not to the point of alter personalities. I also have worked in the social service field (though I am not in a professional role here) and so I have some knowledge of how frustrating and scary it can all be--and I'm sure some others here are also familiar with at least some of these issues.
Lori I do have a strong protective personality that has so far kept us from doing anything harmful to ourselves. It's just that right now kAY (the suicidal one) has been working on a very fragil depressed person to want to go her way. Luckily right now the rest of us are against it and refuse to go their way. But there is this nagging inside that won't stop. But fight against it Sheila will continue to do. It's not easy but the fight must go on I'm asking our pdoc to up our meds when i see him Thursday. Hopefully this will quiet Kay and give us some much needed peace. I have a therapist that doesn,t acknowledge any of our problems. My only real support is here on the boards. Thank you for your kindness and suggestions
Kea
Hi Kea,
Lori I don't have insurance so I'm at the mercy of the government programs. Believe me you don't get the same treatment as our wonderful government pays less. My pdoc won't even let me change therapists which i would do in a heartbeat.
Kea
Hey Kea,
Jan these thoughts have come on since my DD and grandboys came here to live. The boys are no real problem but my daughter has fallen back into letting me be "mommy". She doesn't take care of her kids, she expects me to. She doesn't help with housecleaning or even cook for her boys. She's caused alot of conflict between me and Mel. She's always depressed which is not good for someone like me who has personalities that are suseptible to such things. Now I'm left with having to set her and the boys off on their own or lose my own life. This is heartbreaking to me. I'm afraid for them and afraid for me. Sheila's trying to work on a solution that will be good for everyone. I know all she has is me as her Dad has already given up on her and her drunk husband she has left. She has no job, which we're trying to find her one and she has no friends to fall back on as her controlling husband ruined all her friendships. I want to get her into a rent controlled housing but I worry about what will become of the boys. She has left my 12 year old raise the 7 year old since he was born. She takes no responsibility for her life or the life of her boys, yet claims to be such a wonderful mother.
She is bipolar and finally is on medication but I think she needs her meds upped as they don't seem to be working anymore. I feel helpless i'm her mother and should be able to make things right. But I'm only human. Why is life so difficult and hard I wasn't brought up this way.
I do use breathing techs and visualization. I have a place inside I retreat to that is what I call my safe place when things get to bad.
I just want to be happy again I still remember the times that I was so I know it's somewhere within my reach.
Kea