alone TRIGGER
Find a Conversation
alone TRIGGER
| Mon, 04-23-2007 - 7:19pm |
I feel so a lone. My best friends said that they would always be there for me. Not. Since I have been out on this forced medical leave, they set up times that we could meet and then back out at last minute. They told me to talk if I needed anything. I did and asked if they would go to an Take Back The Night event. One by one they backed out. To busy that night. They are to busy for me. It's like I don't exist anymore. I've called my boss and faxed her, she hasn't called me back. My one friend was my union rep. and she emailed me and told me someone else is. The guy is a union rep., but he is more for the company then the members. I feel so abandom.
I have a major flashback this weekend and my Mom saw it. This is the first time that she has seen one. My sister said I really up set here. I never wanted to hurt her. My dd and ds also saw it. I just want to die before I loose then. I called my T and she hasn't called me back. I don't belong here. I either push people away or hurt them
I have a major flashback this weekend and my Mom saw it. This is the first time that she has seen one. My sister said I really up set here. I never wanted to hurt her. My dd and ds also saw it. I just want to die before I loose then. I called my T and she hasn't called me back. I don't belong here. I either push people away or hurt them

Oh honey.
I totally wrote everything you just wrote at one point or a million, during the last 5 years. I know exactly how it feels to be so alone in the darkest place you can ever imagine. I have had flashbacks too, and they are just horrible. I'm so sorry you're going through this.
I can say over and over that it will get better. But, I know you won't believe that. I never did either.
I just wanted you to know that you aren't alone...I wish there was more I could do to help you through this.
Can I email you?
Hugs,
keli
jsseastorm,
Sorry there might be a trig.
I'm not the most um knowledgeable in the area the, but got tons of help here the past couple weeks. I just want to let you know you are not alone, I sorta understand what you are going thru feeling like your friends are abandoning you one by one. that happened to me, when my depression started showing, I used to be this crazy wild funny exciting person but I slowly progressed to boring depressed blob. I'm not saying that is what you are that is just how I define myself. I think if they were your friends and cared for your wellbeing & know what else is going on they wouldn't back out, maybe it is time for new friends. I found my friends didn't really care about me that much that they were willing to listen to me to help me get better I was just an amusement box for them, someone that would listen to them. They were not friends, I hope your friends start being there for you or maybe you can do something to meet new people, like today I signed up for the office kickball team, even though most of the people on the team are twice my age I will at least get out & meet some people around my office maybe get some new work friends & hopefully have fun too. I know your kids would be devastaded if you were gone, they need their mother even if you want to die they still love you and will always love you no matter what you do. I've seen it my cousin committed suicide 7 yrs ago left a 2yr old daughter behind that was his replica it broke my heart more seeing her look in at him laying in his coffin saying daddy wake up, time to play, come on da da ect. she thru a big fit when they closed the casket & could not understand, she has had to be raised without her father & it is sad. My heart goes out to you. I hope you do not die even if I do not know you, I know that it is crazy for me to say since I feel the same as you but you are not alone & I don't feel like I should give out advice when I want to do the same as you but I thought I would take a crack at it hopefully & if it helps if I lived close to you I would tear up the night with you. lol
hang in there it will/should get better that is what I hear & read...
Hey Joan,
(((Joan))) This is a lot to digest. I am certain feeling as down as you are, it's easier to fall into the trap that you're alone. You are NOT alone. We're here. In spite of what your family has seen, they are there for you. Your *t* will call back. If you're a person of faith, then seek solace from your Higher Power.
Sometimes it's hard to see the forest for the trees. It is entirely possible that your friends truly weren't able to attend the event. When these negative thoughts pop into your head, fight back with positive thoughts. Think of all the positive experiences you have had with your friends. Write them down to refer to them later. Start
Joan