what is it like to be happy ?
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what is it like to be happy ?
| Thu, 04-26-2007 - 6:26pm |
Do you ever think you feel a sense of happiness,,,,,and then it hits you like a slap because you feel you don't deserve to feel it or it is just so unfamiliar to you or you can't let yourself embrace it because you know it is so short-coming? I deal with that so often. At work is the only place I can truly laugh but while I cast the persona of a happy person my insides are quarrelling with my jovial outburst because it is like it does not have that right to 'come out' and show itself to others like that. I told my psych doc I don't know what it feels like to be truly happy, to know contentment, to have peace of mind. Are there people who actually have these treasures and carry them with them all the time? I feel I live as an actor in a play and do and say what I should do and say as per the situation that is set in front of me. I think most people I work with like me quite a lot,,,,but I hold such guilty feelings that anyone would care for me.
Life is like a chain-link fence that I keep climbing and climbing, getting my foot caught here and there and scraping my arms along its surface each time I try to get over to the other side. Depression is a tough-call. Depression is an invisible weight some of us carry with amazing strength everyday. It is when the depression starts too get to heavy,
too thick, too suffocating that all one can think is to find a way to escape from it.
Meds may help hold it at bay sometimes,,,,but so often life fuels the depression and makes it stronger than our meds can deal with.
Just so freakin' tired of it all you know? Too many people too worry about all of the time.
Always 'something' coming up, 'something' happening that taps into my 'stay alive' reserve. What do any of you try to do when you feel you are fighting with all your strength to keep that big heel coming down on you that is trying to crush you like some unsuspecting insect on the sidewalk?
I think I need more than my psych doc is giving me. Higher doses in meds doesn't make the problems go away he says. He is right but somedays one needs the 'med escape' even if the problems are all still patiently waiting for you when you come down again and your head clears.
I apologize for my many words,,,,just needed to write if you can relate.
Abby
Life is like a chain-link fence that I keep climbing and climbing, getting my foot caught here and there and scraping my arms along its surface each time I try to get over to the other side. Depression is a tough-call. Depression is an invisible weight some of us carry with amazing strength everyday. It is when the depression starts too get to heavy,
too thick, too suffocating that all one can think is to find a way to escape from it.
Meds may help hold it at bay sometimes,,,,but so often life fuels the depression and makes it stronger than our meds can deal with.
Just so freakin' tired of it all you know? Too many people too worry about all of the time.
Always 'something' coming up, 'something' happening that taps into my 'stay alive' reserve. What do any of you try to do when you feel you are fighting with all your strength to keep that big heel coming down on you that is trying to crush you like some unsuspecting insect on the sidewalk?
I think I need more than my psych doc is giving me. Higher doses in meds doesn't make the problems go away he says. He is right but somedays one needs the 'med escape' even if the problems are all still patiently waiting for you when you come down again and your head clears.
I apologize for my many words,,,,just needed to write if you can relate.
Abby

Hi Abby,
I'm glad you posted.... but sorry you are struggling right now. I know it's hard to feel so "unseen" due to the "mask" that we sometimes wear to hide the depression and our true selves because ironically, that is our fear--that we won't be seen--or, that we will be seen and JUDGED for it. Not here though and hopefully, there are other people in your life that won't judge you either!
Wow, that's a really deep question re: happiness. I know that the answers likely are different for everyone on some level and I know the question could likely be answered in a wide variety of ways depending on the person answering, their environment etc. But... I'll try (for a change lol) to keep my thoughts on this simple!
— Palmer Sondreal
I'm not sure how you get there from here. Keeping busy may help. Shoving the sadness to the back of the mind only works for a while. Eventually it has to be addressed. For me,