I want it to end.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-06-2004
I want it to end.
6
Thu, 05-03-2007 - 11:33pm

I have nothing left to live for.

Please let it end.

I want to be happy again but I have nothing to look forward to.

I have made too many mistakes and it would be better for it to end now.

Please let it be over.

No one wants me enough for me to feel like continuing on.

Dying will be my only rest.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2006
Fri, 05-04-2007 - 3:26am

so, you know what...
i felt that same exact way last tuesday.

i still sorta feel that way, but i'm 22 and i moved back home with my dad recently and told him how i have been feeling for the past 6 years. he was very supportive and is getting me a therapist. i start on monday and i'm really scared. you see, i'm a prideful person and i hate telling people my problems. everyone thinks that i'm perfect and that i can do no wrong.

but i feel the complete opposite. i was recently dismissed from my absolute favorite university (cause I'm so depressed and couldn't focus on the demanding curriculum) and i feel like such a failure. when i got the letter, i was completely disgusted with myself. i've always been put on this pedistol and i feel like i just can't live up to it...

so, what i'm trying to say here is that i know how you feel. But i swear to you, it gets better. Life gets better. there are ALWAYS people that will support and love you, no matter how messed up you are.

My dear friend just took his own life barely a month ago. I wish that i would have known what sort of condition he was in and i will always regret not helping him or asking him how he was feeling.

people WILL miss you, people DO love you. No matter how many mistakes you make in your life it is NEVER worth it to end it all. You are worthy of a happy and full life and you will get it soon enough.

Honestly, just take a look around you and think of all the cool things that you have done in your past, think of your friends, coworkers, and family.

just because you may feel that no one wants you, doesn't mean that it's true. Choose to be around people that help you. Choose to be around happy/successful people. It won't make you depressed, it will give you the courage and the self esteem needed to carry on.

Lastly, get help. I haven't yet, but I am going to very soon and I hear it helps. It wouldn't be around if it didnt! You wouldn't be posting stuff if you didn't want to get help.

Please reply ASAP, I want to know how you are doing. I want to know your story...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Fri, 05-04-2007 - 10:30am

Hi and

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Fri, 05-04-2007 - 6:10pm

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Hello! I wanted to thank you for replying to the newcomer & sharing your story with us. It's much appreciated. I hope you will stick around & keep us posted on your progress.


You are doing the best you can. I am sorry that you aren't in school. I can imagine how disappointed you are. In the past, I had to put my life on hold to deal with depression. It isn't easy. It will take some work & it might hurt a little. But, you can get your life back.


You are important. You matter to us & to those in your family/friend's circle. Good luck & GBU! (((hugs))) jan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Fri, 05-04-2007 - 6:24pm

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Hi! It's good that you were able to share your thoughts. You seem very depressed about your situation. Perhaps you will share more when you are comfortable. For now, even though I don't know you, I care about you. Ending your life is permanent. Whatever problems, issues or a situation you are in, is temporary. You

 

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 07-06-2004
Mon, 05-07-2007 - 12:24am

Thanks so much for your reply. I can relate to your situation a lot, so it really helped.

I am also 22 and though I recently finished college, I am miserable, in part, due to the fact that I am unable to do graduate studies for the time being due to my underachievement in my degree. The worst part is that everyone around me expects so much and thinks I have everything going for me. I have always been strong, successful, and motivated in the eyes around me and it just hurts so much that I am not that person any more. I don't want to admit my problems to anyone because now they will not only know I am failing in all the plans I had laid out post-degree, but I will look weak, not strong. Honestly, the only reason I don't want to end it is because I am afraid what people would think if I killed myself. I just wish to be taken away naturally and suddenly so I don't have to have people doubt my strength and ambition even after I am gone.

I know I have lots of friends who support me, but it still hurts that I have no one who romantically cares for me. I just want them to love me for the person I am and my inability to find that after so long makes me wonder if there is something wrong with me that I don't realize.

I am doing better tonight than when I wrote my previous message, but even when I have moments where I think things are going better, there is some setback that just makes me sad again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2006
Wed, 05-09-2007 - 9:01am
bless your heart.i lost my mom when i was 29 years old,almost three years ago this sept.it really has messed me up and i will never be the same.but you have alot going for you,you are young and can get help and before long your grades will be back up.you can change this and be back on your feet again.for me my life has changed forever and i hurt daily not having my mom here with me and the only thing for me to do is go to counseling and work through the pain,please don't put your family through a funeral,i promise they will help you and they would want only the best for you.things can change for the better for you,just talk to your parents.please keep in touch,hugs,lulu