I did it!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2007
I did it!
2
Fri, 05-04-2007 - 10:26pm

I told my brother No and stuck with it, he only wanted $5 for cigarettes but I was told by my new counsler that I need to be more agressive than passive, which is one of my problems. and that some of my thoughts come around/up when I feel like I'm being used or am getting used. I've been used so many times different ways, also let down and lied to, way too many times to count, that I lost trust in anybody.

I cried today for the first time in a week, I was doing so good about not crying over stupid stuff. I found out today that my ex (glad he is my ex now) reason he could not come over to visit (the last time & reason we broke it off) me was to go to the company gym, wow was that a blow to my esteem, and being mentally stable. The gym was more important to him than seeing/talking/hanging out with me. I was devesated, stunned, he said somthing important came up. Yeah, important, to go run on a treadmill. Whatever. I've been out on leave for two weeks today was my first day back and my boss told me he asked about me, told me to go say hi, b/c people do miss me around there. I was surprised by that. Here I have a man that cares less about me, I'm nothing to, a man that used me until he could no longer, b/c I couldn't handle it anymore the emotional rollercoaster, and my counsler seems to think that he played a big roll in my ground levelness with depression. But he asked about me, where I was?? Why does he care, he made it pretty clear he doesn't, why can't he mind his own business, leave me alone, let me get better with out him. Is that so hard to ask? I think he likes to hurt me, it is a fun little game to him, and I'm his little puppet, and he is a giant pulling the stupid strings.

ugggh, first bad day within the last week, that is a good sign right? I hope so? I was fine until today, didn't think about him for an entire day yesterday! except before I went to bed and realized I didn't think of him all day. lol but that still counts right?

:)

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
In reply to: livenlearn06
Sat, 05-05-2007 - 10:16am

Hey there,


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
In reply to: livenlearn06
Sat, 05-05-2007 - 12:00pm

Everything counts Caitlin. Every step forward is progress no matter how small. Hold on to the small things. When they're all added up they make a LIFE!


Crying is a good thing. It actually keeps the cortisol level in balance & that hormone is increased by stress. It's a relief/release for women. We all need a good cry. Sometimes when I need one & can't, I watch an old tear jerker & let it all out! Tears are healing, as well.


We're happy to be here for support