OMG counsler said about ex...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2007
OMG counsler said about ex...
3
Thu, 05-10-2007 - 5:08pm

This may or may not have a trig in it... But

I could not believe what I heard, but it all makes sense to me, what she says about him, It is scary, from what I've told her about him how he treated me, and I'm realizing things about myself. Low self esteem, the attention I got from my past relationship kept me there, when I was uncomfortable with him at times, That I probably do not miss him, I miss the attention. Some of you might know about the past relationship, but I'm not sure if I meantioned the age difference between us, I'm 18, he is 37. I thought it was weird but didn't think much of it. She said I was probably a person of sexual abuse from him, he manipulated me into thinking it was ok, here I am a vunlerable young girl with low self esteem, I can get her to do whatever I want. She thinks he is at the fence post with being a child molestar, that I was safe for him, but he still got the fantasy of being with someone 19yrs younger. I told her things I've told him and he did not care and how he had nick names for me ect that seemed like he was on that road. for example: I told him he was old enough to be my father, (he was looking at pic of my nephew at his first b-day with chocolate all over, he joked that I hurt him and probably a child abuser, I told him that he was the child abuser b/c a few months ago I was only 17.) Now I'm almost 19. That he acted like he forgot how old I was, b/c he liked that I was so young. He used to call me his slave girl. she said the fact that he called me girl and not woman, that he wanted control of me b/c he wanted me as his slave, that children usually do not have any control that children might be his fantasy, and he made the nick-name for him as Dirty old man. & then other things he did and said like the rules did not apply to him... now he was diagnosed or anything, this is what she thought, now I'm scared & do not know what to do, what to say to him, he coaches his daughters basketball team and softball teams, & I remember once I knocked over a team picture off his desk and he freaked out said I was going to ruin the picture of his girls. OMG now I'm scared for these children he his coaching, mentoring, teching, and supervising, and his daughter. I mean what if it is true he has a thing for young women and girls. I'm really freaking out and this was the only place I new I could tell this, without judgement, hopefully. He is not the cause of my depression but he helped me hit rock bottom with it, I do not want to quit my job, I love the other people there, but what to do, should I leave just because of him. thinking of all this I have not had any thoughts so that is a good thing I guess.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Thu, 05-10-2007 - 10:09pm

Hey Caitlin,


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2007
Fri, 05-11-2007 - 9:24pm
nothing happened sexually between us before I was 18 so I would not be able to do anything, but I was barely 18, I was consenting the entire time so, just the thought that he might have a sexual fantasy with young girls scares me, that he was with me to fullfill that fantasy and that I was safe for him to do so. I'm not sure that was the reason, I might have been an ego boost for him, but that just scared me that I might have been his first victim although I am an adult and consenting, just some of the qualities and ways sexual predators think that she was describing match the way he thinks and thought. I made the mistake to think I could be friends with no sex with him he said he was liked that idea and seemed happy about it. He also thought it was weird that I was happy today I think the antidepressant is finally working I was happier today, talking more and more entergetic. He said you changed what changed and happened. I thought I was no longer with him under his magic control but just told him I do not know. But I ended up going to lunch with a friend and him today, he drove then their boss showed up and took the friend to drop off lunch to his g/f. So I rode back to work with him. and he tried to get me back to get me to do the Friends with benefits thing we did before.I just told him it was over, never going to happen again, he wanted to know why I told him because I did not want to fall in love with him and he did not want me to fall in love with him either, he asked if I could not seperate the two, I said I could because I did for so long but it was getting harder keep doing that and the guilt and keeping secrets too hard too much engery given toward him. I need that energy to get myself better not give to him. and yet again he wanted to use me for sex yesterday he said he everything was cool and we could just be friends then today he is trying to get in my pants again. he is so confusing made my head hurt. Stressing me. He also asked me what happened that I was in the hospital for 3 days, I tried to avoid it not tell him but I told him why, the attempt did not tell him why b/c I do want to go there. But then he just acted really worried about me, said Caitlin why did you do that, do not ever do that again ok. You could have died, don't do it again please. I just snapped at him WHY, you wouldn't care anyways you made that clear to me, that there is only one thing about you think about, that he would not miss me. I told him why I seemed happier b/c I thought the meds were kicking in finally and I'm thinking more clearly I'm not in that fog, he said I was more fun with me being happy. but I do not understand why he seemed so worried and never wanted me to go thru my thoughts again, I do not want to but the only people that have told me that love me and I know he does not. and I do not want him to or want to love him either. I guess I cannot be his friend I tried I really wanted to try but he can not handle him self or control himself around me he said I was right and he would stop from now on but he also said that yesterday. I do not know what to beleive. I guess I took a step backward with him. I believe I can handle being around him and being his friend I'm fine with that, I did not think about anything that happened between us today and that felt good not having bad or good memories arise or wanting to get back with him. I just wish my life was not so complicated at the age of 18. I was just at the counsler yesterday but I feel like I need to go again already, so much happened since my session yesterday.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Sat, 05-12-2007 - 10:21am

Hey Caitlin,


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