trigs
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trigs
| Sat, 05-12-2007 - 1:54pm |
I feel myself plummeting again. HE affects my mood so much it shames me that he has that power over me. All I can think of is 'escape.' I feel dreadful that I asked my young son if he could live here without me and the only thing I want to do is put a gun in my mouth. What a lousy mother I am,,,,,he tells me the faults of our children is because of how I raised them. He says he has to deal with that and try to fix all I did wrong. Everything I do is wrong, everything is my fault, I am stupid, I can't do anything right,,,,,so all I keep thinking is what good am I anyway? I feel like I am in a gutter right now, a dirty foul smelling gutter and I deserve nothing more than to put my face in the filthy water and drown myself. Why does God hate me so much?,,,,,I wish I was never born.

Hi Abby,
I do however am considering talking to my doctor about my 'lows' and how when I am like that I actually am considering 'leaving' my children. I am just so afraid, so afraid of what he will think or God forbid do. Things here are okay right now and I am floating and not sinking so that is a good thing. Thank you again for your kindness, your understanding,,,,,thank you for caring enough to write back.
Abby
Hi Abby,