SIGH!!!
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SIGH!!!
| Mon, 06-11-2007 - 5:48pm |
The thoughts came back again today and I almost went thru with it. But I saw pictures of my nephews on my table and started looking at them and realized I wanted to see them grow up. yesterday I felt down in the dumps not sure why, just did not feel like doing anything just lay around then today, found out Mr.X is dating for real. He wasn't ready to date when he was with me but now he is and it hurt me all over again. Like I'm not good enough for him and pretty much reasured him using me, I had doubts but now I know. So now I've cried all day long b/c I could not make him happy and he only wants sex from me. so may have swollen red eyes, terrible headache and totally exhausted from crying but I guess I'm still around. Feel like I only have my nephews to live for. I'm so sad and it hurts alot to be rejected by someone I thought I loved and apparently am not over yet.

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Hey Caitlin,
First ((HUGS))
I am sorry you are going through such a difficult time in your life.
Hey Caitlin,
How was your appointment?
(((Caitlan))) I am sorry to hear that you are still plagued by the thoughts. However, you have done very well for a longer spell. That is clearly a sign of progress. It does take time. Having to face him & some of his actions must make it very difficult to move on.
I know that the board will support you in whatever route you choose. IMHO finding a new job would help you greatly. I don't know how you've managed as well as you have or for as long as you have. Now that he is dating someone else, it's only natural that your wound has been re-opened. Not having to see him & what he is up to would give you the distance to get better healing to that wound.
I am glad you have your nephews to keep you from acting on the thoughts. I hope you can reinforce what we see from your posts. You are a good person. You are a sensitive young woman. You are juggling school/work & are a productive member of society. You are a bright, savvy lady. You have lots of potential. In spite of problems, you have persevered & working hard @ regaining your wellness. Remind yourself of all the accomplishments you have made in life. You MATTER! Keep in touch. We care & want you to see the worth in yourself:) (((hugs))) jan
Hi Darla,
Thanks for repling. Nice to meet you. I tried yoga once but I think I signed up for the wrong class and I could not do much of what they were doing and so I did not go back. lol OMG I know what you mean about pets/animals. When I was 12, My first sucide thoughts came to me at least the first I can remember, but I remember I was seriously thinking about doing something and crying and my dog max came up onto my bed which he never did and laided now next to me and made me feel alot better and laid there until I felt better. I believe he knew something was wrong with me and I was upset and feeling down. My appointment went well, I told her about what happened monday but I started getting some realization and logic back by the session. I realized I was not being rational or realistic, and she helped me realize I should be happy he is going out with other women, so that means he will leave me alone. I should be happy about that. but there is part of me that is crushed and apparently hoping he would want to be with me. But that is not going to happen since I sorta overreacted to everything the other day and I deep down I know it would not work out between us.
Anyways, I'm Caitlin, I am 18 will be 19 in 2weeks. I am fron Ohio. I have 1brother(5 yrs older. he has two boys and one stepdaughter. My nephews are the highlight of my life right now but I would never admit that to anybody. lol I go to an art school and I am into alot of art stuff. I'm am trying to get into volunteer work to consume my time and trying to get into sports to get outdoors more and not be inside all the time. I recently got out of an 8month relationship type thing with an older man... which had something to do with my hitting rock bottom a few months ago. But I've felt like I had depression since about age 11/12 and slowly progress to now. I also have two dogs, My peachy Girl, her name is Peaches really and she is a beagle, she lives with my dad. and I have lady that lives with my mom she is a mutt, not sure what she is but has some terrior. Peaches is 100% my dog and my favorite ya I shouldn't do that but she is 10 and my baby girl, grouchy dog but my girl. Lady was my sister-in-law's dog and opposite of my other dog loves attention and clingy and only about 5-6. So ya, It was nice meeting you. How did your theraphy seesion go, or maybe I should just check your post/thread thing. lol
Caitlin
Howdy Caitlin!
I about laughed when you said that Peaches is your baby but she is grouchy.
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