SIGH!!!
Find a Conversation
SIGH!!!
| Mon, 06-11-2007 - 5:48pm |
The thoughts came back again today and I almost went thru with it. But I saw pictures of my nephews on my table and started looking at them and realized I wanted to see them grow up. yesterday I felt down in the dumps not sure why, just did not feel like doing anything just lay around then today, found out Mr.X is dating for real. He wasn't ready to date when he was with me but now he is and it hurt me all over again. Like I'm not good enough for him and pretty much reasured him using me, I had doubts but now I know. So now I've cried all day long b/c I could not make him happy and he only wants sex from me. so may have swollen red eyes, terrible headache and totally exhausted from crying but I guess I'm still around. Feel like I only have my nephews to live for. I'm so sad and it hurts alot to be rejected by someone I thought I loved and apparently am not over yet.

Pages
Yea, my peachy is a cranky dog only wants you to touch her or pet her ect when she wants you to. lol I live in Columbus Ohio. I am in college but not going during summer. My school does not offer as many summer classes and is on Semesters not quarters like most colleges. Now I'm almost working full-time, but part-time and during school I worked less hours but still worked part time. It was hard last semester, but I got thru it with good grades. lol I'm really proud because there are people that were in my classes that did not do as good and their reason was basically because they partied too much. When I commuted to school and not living on campus like most of my class mates and did not spend a4days in a hospital at the end of the semester like the week before finals. lol Oh well I did good tho I was worried sick I was gonna have to drop classes.
Thanks for the link to the samaritians, I'll have check that out sometime. But so far this weekend I've been doing alright, my nephews were over and I played with them no time to think about things, but also had lots of dreams of my ex. over the past two nights. I wished they would go away. They might be worse for me than having suicidal thoughts. Oh well, I'll get over it with time.
That's great news about how well you did at school.
majoring? as of now I'm majoring in Fashion design, but I might change my major to Graphic Design. I go to the Art school in Columbus, you might have heard of it. I'm not sure, I love sewing and making clothes, not everyday clothing I enjoy making Formal Wear and purses, I could never design something that people wear everyday. lol Fashion is just too hard of a business to get into, and I don't think I have the energy to make it, and I hear it is a lonely profession b/c you work 24/7 trying to get your stuff out in the world. I don't think I could handle the lonelyness, The hard work I could, lonelyness no, I would loose it. I have all kinds of dreams about him. I had one that we were together, one that we were married, one that he told me he made a mistake and loved me ever since we met. then I have weird dreams about him murdering me, or him being murdered in front of me, one he was in an accident, one that he moved out of the state without saying good bye. Weird dreams like that. Here is a weird one that I had a few weeks ago, that I posted on another board and I found, I reread it today and remembered it. IT is so weird.
I had a weird dream last night actually. It was soooo weird. but It also had another guy in it from work. IT was so weird, that the other guy went on a drinking spree and became an alcholic and stopped caring about himself and life. So I was trying to help him and be his friend. help him get over his pain and drinking problem. And it turned out we ended up together. Anyways, but ya we ended up together and went on a trip together and Mr.Ex followed us in my brothers car and we ended up at a hotel unplanned and we were going to take a shower or something but I couldn't take off any clothes or something like socks ect. and it was Mr.ex put glue on them so I could not get them off b/c he did not want us to be together. Then we left and he had written his name on the side walk out side in green glowing maker or something. and It started raining and I just collapsed started yelling and screaming let me go let me go and everything disapeared around me and I was just laying in the rain on his name. During the entire dream it was dark and glommy and very weird things happening around us.
Ya I believe things happen for a reason and people come and go for a reason, there must be a big reason for this guy being in my life, just have not figured it out yet. but I'm sure with time it will come.
Pages