I finally got it
Find a Conversation
| Sat, 06-16-2007 - 9:36pm |
Hi Everyone,
TRIGGER
Couple weeks ago I was at Forest view hospital. I was cutting and had major depression and was suicidal. One of the groups I went to was anger managment. One of the men there chose to work on getting out the hurt from is mothers suicide when he was 22, he now is 53 and it still is affecting him as it did them. As he got in to the real anger, the words that he spoke was of the pain he was in, that he needed her, that she had no right to leave him, he needed her help. The session gave answers to the same that we hear all the time,"what about your family","you are only thinking of your self", "your kids need you", I can go on and on. This group was very rough on me. I cried the whole time.
The anger that he was working on was the same thing that my kids would have to deal with at 13 and 19. I'm crying now just remembering that group. I hope you understand what I'm about to say. I'm sure my spelling won't help.LOL I was hearing and seeing what I have been told by my T and Dr. from someone that was living it. I saw what my death could do. I heard and saw what my death would do to my kids.
I finally got it. I finally got it. It snap me out of the suicide ideation. I want to live and I will ask for help when I need it, it will be hard but I never want to let things get that bad. Now I have my want to live affirmation board that I read all day, I made several small ones to put everywhere, so when ever I need it, it's there. I know how hard it is to listen to words of life is worth living. But if you can, go to a web site that has memorals to suicide people. Maybe one of them will hit your heart. Hearing the words is nothing like seeing the words.
If there is even a flicker of life or hope or anything grab on to it and be thankful for it, because you now have a place to start climbing to live.
Peace to everyone Joan

Hi Joan,
Thanks Lori,
In the hospital, we were in the trama group together. I must of told him a 100 times what he has done for me. I wasn't the only one that felt that way. We were a small group that had bonded with Hugs,suport, and tears were part of the trama group.
I have to live for my family and myself. I want to live. I'll fight to live. I'm learning to tell when thing are getting to much and I'm starting to fall back. Yes it is hard, but I'm doing my best to stay positive. I have inter meeting with my parts every day to talk about what they want to do. And at night we have an open dicussion about the day. This may sound wierd to anyone that doesn't know about inter children
I have talked to him since we have let Forest view. We both were released the same day.
I have had suicide thoughts, but I see the affirmantion board and it give me alittle flicker of hope, and I grab on to it. On my board, I have statments about the experience I had with this man.
Thanks for sharing your awesome news, Joan. We're glad to know that you *got it.* But,