VENT.. trigs possible

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
VENT.. trigs possible
4
Tue, 06-19-2007 - 12:44am

my moods have been out of control but not to the extreme not yet, I am still taking my antidepressants but still no mood stablizer. I know I should take some but I refuse bc they MAY cause weight gain and as of now I am overweight according to my BMI and I think that is really causing my depression and moods to be out of control.

And ever since I got back from my vacation with my best friend I feel as if something has changed we dont talk as much and I am afraid that I am going to lose her as a friend, I know it is probably just my way of thinking but it still scares me, and now I have a new problem, about 5 years ago I was friends with this girl and her and I got into the chat rooms well I was talking to this guy and just thought he was wonderful and well we started to have a relationship (if you can over the phone) and she told me that if I didnt tell my DH then she would then she would try to get DH and I to fight and she even said that I didnt have an ED( which I didnt care at that time, but I was like 94 pounds then) well she has started to come around again and DH isnt happy about it at all and I cant say that I blame him, but I want a friend here so I can do things with when my kids go back to school and I know that Marsha will get mad, and even my T doesnt trust this girl, I mean other stuff happened but if I just cant open that can of worms up again, I just dont know what to do really, everything is telling me not to get close to her again, but I just dont kow what to do.

Then my mother was here last week, boy she is some piece of work. my neice, mom , DD and myself went shopping for my neice so she could take some college classes this summer ( it is called upward bound) well 1st of all my nephew called my mom the B and the S and then proceeded to yell at my mom on the way over here so she stopped the car and he got out and kicked her car and when I asked her about it she lied to me. ( mind you my neice told me about it) then my mom started to get on my neice about her size of shorts let me tell you they were size 9's in juniors and she is 16 years old and my mom was calling her fat and I just couldnt take it so I told my mom to lay off of her it isnt like she is over weight and they were size 9's in juniors not in womens and that she was going to make my neice have an ED, so she shut up and started in on me about my size she would say well wat size are you now and I wouldnt say anything so she would say " well I am a size 3" ok yes she triggered me I know I am fat but I have a thyroid problem and I CANT lose wt bc if I could I wouldnt be this size. sorry I am getting peeved. Why and how can a mother do that to her own child/grandchildren. I havent let my DD know that I have an ED and I probably wont I have been telling her all her 15 yrs that she is beautiful and that not everyone is the same size or shape and that being healthy is the way to go, and I think it has stuck with her.
Ok sorry this post was meant to be a update but it kind of got long and I just spilled everything out tonight and just really vented. like I said my moods are starting to get extreme.

Mary

Mary
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Tue, 06-19-2007 - 10:18am

Hey Mary,


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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Tue, 06-19-2007 - 12:34pm

I was in hospital for my ED, and to be honest it didnt work cause all it was for really was to get to a wt that I wouldnt die, my ED is getting better to a point but I wont allow myself to give it up it is who I have become, I do blame my mom for a lot of my wt issues when I was pregnant she told me not to eat much due to I will have a hard time losing it, she always called my children fatty even after I said something to her so I had to cut all ties with her until my children got older. With my mom if your a certain wtthen you arent worth loving and well I guess I am at that number now. I wanted to make sure my 15 yr old DD didnt have to grow up the way that I did so the ED stops with me at least I hope she is a teen and she will be going into public school.

the depression will get better I know it will I just have to wait it out. as far as mood stablizers I am really not for sure on them you know I will take antidepressants but I guess if I take a mood stablizer then I guess I am admitting to myself that I do have bipolar.

Yea I talked to Marsha and it was just my dumb depression that was all it was her and I have both been busy with family life, we are as close as we always have been this darn depression plays games, but today I am feeling great only have 1 child with me and him and I are having a blast

Mary
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Tue, 06-19-2007 - 9:07pm

Hey Mary,


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Thu, 06-21-2007 - 12:20pm

It's always good to hear from you, Mary. I am sorry that the ED is so easily triggered. I have always been on the weighty side & so many ppl said cruel things that I took to heart. Unlike you, I ate more to console myself. I have that under control now, but I am still easily hurt by other's remarks about my appearance. I try to keep it all in perspective & like myself for who I am. Keeping a list of all my good points generally quiets that damn *inner critic.*


I am happy to hear you got stuff worked out with Marsha. I hope you're doing better. We care & appreciate the trust you have by posting your concerns here. GL & GBU! (((hugs))) jan

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