it gets better...

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2006
it gets better...
6
Tue, 07-10-2007 - 5:10pm
Hi Everybody! Once again it has been a while since I have posted but I have been lurking from time to time to check how everyone is doing. Well, Lori, you told me to write when I was out of the country I hated so much and the time is now. I have officially moved! It might sound weird but I am in Portugal right now for the summer and will be joining my friends in September. Part of me just can not believe I actually managed to get out of the hole I dug for myself and yet here I am. I moved in a shared house with some pretty cool people. They have immediately accepted me as their friend and things are definitely looking up. I still can't believe that around this time last year I was thinking of ending it all.. Things are so different now. I guess I wanted to write here because a lot of you guys (especially Lori) had once been the only thing that kept me safe and I wanted to send a message that things CAN change. It is not an easy transition but it can be done. I am not sure if the demons ever go away. Mine have been around. I still feel like I am somehow different than the person I was before being attacked and I despise this feeling. I still miss the perfect life I had before everything happened and I miss the boyfriend I was with at the time, feeling I never got a decent chance with him. I find myself wanting to be with a man physically but I have no ida how to do that right now. It used to come so naturally and now I feel too scared. Still I don't mean to get negative. Life has tought me that it does not always show us its cruelest face and when the storm is over we are still reminded of all the great things it has to offer. This year has been extremely good to me. I felt the love of friends and the worth of my achievements nomatter how small they might be. It had been a long time since that had happened!
What I am trying to say is that it really is worth it to stick around because life might just surprise you. Even if we don't see it at times of trouble there are always people who care even if they never laid eyes on you before!
So, this is the update
Hope I didn' bore anyone to tears. Things are good. I am probably going to be returning to the place that I viewed as a prison as I have started (along with some other extremely strong women, can't take all the credit) an initiative against domestic violence and rape and strangely enough I still want to be involved.
So, I hope everyone is keeping safe
I am looking forward to hear some news from all the wonderful people on this board.
Rosaura
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Tue, 07-10-2007 - 11:54pm

WOW! What an awesome post! Thank you so much for sharing what will truly be inspirational for those still fighting their demons. ITA that some demons will be with us always. For me, they sneak in when things are going along pretty well. Just enough to throw me a bit off balance. With time & healing, they are easier to dismiss.


Congrats on what you have so ably accomplished. It's a blessing that you can positively

 

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Wed, 07-11-2007 - 11:18am

Heyyy Rosaura my dear, how wonderful to hear from you!!! Jan is right--what an awesome post! You give me far too much credit sweetie, I have been here to support you but YOU had to do the hard work, YOU had to continue hanging in there with me/us when times were so very hard and I'm SOOOO glad you did!


It's wonderful to hear that you are out of the country that was not a good place for you... And though you may at some point decide to go back due to the program you helped create, I venture to say you will go back a very different person and much less isolated then you once were. You will do a lot of positive things with your life, Rosaura. I can feel that in my gut that you will help a lot of women especially, out of that dark place we are all so familiar with here.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Wed, 07-11-2007 - 12:37pm
I know it's hard for us to accept compliments, gf. But you have helped so many. Take those accolades as they come:) PLJHJ.gif(((hugs))) jan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Wed, 07-11-2007 - 1:21pm
Awww, Jan, ty so much! That's so sweet of you to say! And, not to sound "copycat" with the compliment thing (because it IS most sincere!) but I DO want to say that you have been a great asset here too and I appreciate your friendship! Hugs, Lori
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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2006
Wed, 07-11-2007 - 4:11pm
Lori!!!!!!! Jan!!!!!!! If I could put flowers on this post I would! It is so good to hear from you both! I think this is the point I wanted to make writing this post. I feel it is important for some people to hear that no matter how dark the place we are at at the moment it doesn't always has to be this way. We can not change the past but the future hasn't happened yet. I saw a sunset today I never would have had I given up. That's something!You are right Jan, some of those demons are very cheeky bothering us when they shouldn't but I guess everyone has their scars. And as for the compliments... really I feel it is important to let you know how much you have helped me because you really make a difference to some people. It takes amazing courage and strength of character to do what you guys do on a daily basis. I don't think I could do it, not just yet, because I can relate all too well with those feelings of despair and sometimes I can not handle it. Lori, you have been with me from the beginning and Jan I had the pleasure of knowing a little bit later. Both of you are doing a great job. Sometimes the sad truth is that for whatever circumstances a person might be so isolated a few caring words on a computer screen may be all they have to hang onto. Maybe you are right Lori, maybe I was meant to help another way. For now we have established a network of volunteering lawyers (including of course me) who give free legal advice to women victims of violence. It is still an infant project but we find people are willing to help. We also do campaigns and speeches to explain the law cause so many women have no idea what their rights are.
So anyway, before I get carried away with it again, Lori, you are right about my reaction being normal when it comes to men. My therapist explained it all quite eloquently. It is just that now I start realizing that I haven't really done much progress. I have male friends (not too many but still) but I find myself too reluctant when it comes to dating. I met this lovely guy on the plane over and I turned him down for a date when he called me a few days later. I have no idea why I did that but I am kind of kicking myself right now...And the worst is that I get nervous anyway at the thought of going out with him. Go figure.
So, my dear dear friends!!!! Got to go. Faro is absolutely brilliant
I will be coming back and I am always thinking about you. Pat on the back ladies! You are very much needed here
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Wed, 07-11-2007 - 11:13pm

Hey Rosaura,


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