Hospitals! TRIGS! LONG

Avatar for careyfeel
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Registered: 06-18-2003
Hospitals! TRIGS! LONG
10
Sat, 07-14-2007 - 2:23pm
I have been diagnosed with MDD,BP 2, BDP, SI and PTSD.I have been in the hospital three times in the last two years(a fourth time because of STAPH which nearly kill me; I caused it because I burned myself)
In May of that year I was hospitalized because of depression and the need to withdraw quickly from a medication.The hospital was excellent.I know tht this sounds funny to say but as far as psych. hospital go, I liked it.There were 6 or 7 sessions a dayIn November,2006 I tok an overdose of Tylenol( I just wanted to sleep for a very long time, but it was considered a suicidal gesture.My "T" called 911 and the ambulance took me to the nearest hospital.I was in ICU for 2 days and then sent to ther psych.ward. ( I had to take this horrible medicine to get the Tylenol out of my system).It was horrible.I was so bored!There was a community meeting in thh AM and a goals meeting,There sometimes was a self-esteem meeting in th afternoon and a short goal metings at night.We had less than 3 hours of meeings all day (if that). Some of the nurses were nice , but some were unconcerned or seemed like they did nit care. One of the nurses implied that we were being punsished and locked up for what we did.Weekends were horrific and there was nothing to do. That made me even more depressed.
At the end of May I feared I was going to commit suicide so I went to the hospital.I was in the ER for 13 hours and although I had been told that I would be taken to the hospital I liked,I was taken upstairs to the psych ward.I was beside myself.I got there at 2AM on a Friday morning.After intake It was 4AM before I got to bed. I read a whole book whilw i was t6here.I was released on Monday. One of the nurses came to my room Monday morning(she had the wrong room) and told me she was supposedto be my night nurse the night before but had forgotten to tell me.
My son sufferes fromm MDD(and probably other disorders).Last year he went to a psych.Hospital and it also did not have many programs,etc.
Last Sunday he took an overdose of pills(Fortunately there were not many in the three botttles) and they were not that strong(there were more in the fourth bottle but they were not fatal) He did not lost consciousness and was able to answer questions coherently although his speech was slurred. We called 911,He spent a day and a half in the main hospital. He then went to the psych ward Tuesday night. He was no longer suicidal,knew he made a mistake and really wanted to return to work.He recognized that he did what he did was out of anger.He wants to get on with things he plannedqand feared he would lose his job.Because the psych. ward does nothing over the weekend and he,like, me become more depressed when he is bored, his Dad and I supported his decision to leave.
The psych wards and hospitals in this area only keep patients from3-7 s. WE both have excellents therapist and psych days on the outside.On one hand I think hospitals should keep you longer,but on the other I do not think people get much help in the psych ward.
THank you for listening.Fran
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Registered: 02-12-2004
Sat, 07-14-2007 - 10:21pm

Hi Fran,


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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2007
Sat, 07-14-2007 - 10:53pm

I have never been in a hospital and lately have thought about checking into one. I suffer from PSTD , anxiety and ocd. The family is fine, money well everyone could use more…..work is very stressful.
I have had suicidal thoughts I feel since the day I was born. Never attempted. My soul is tired. I didn’t start a discussion I am replying to you because you have been where I wonder about…checking into a hospital.
Somedays are good and other days….just hard. But you can’t explain the feeling to others that haven’t been at the breaking point.
I want to thankyou for sharing your story because it does answer my questions about hospitals.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2007
Sat, 07-14-2007 - 11:01pm

I have never been in a hospital and lately have thought about checking into one. I suffer from PSTD , anxiety and ocd. The family is fine, money well everyone could use more…..work is very stressful.
I have had suicidal thoughts I feel since the day I was born. Never attempted. My soul is tired. I didn’t start a discussion I am replying to you because you have been where I wonder about…checking into a hospital.
Somedays are good and other days….just hard. But you can’t explain the feeling to others that haven’t been at the breaking point.
I want to thankyou for sharing your story because it does answer my questions about hospitals.

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Registered: 03-11-2004
Sun, 07-15-2007 - 12:50am

Hi! Just wanted to add my thoughts

 

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Sun, 07-15-2007 - 1:09am

Hi, Fran! I think there's good & bad in everything. I noticed when I was admitted that some nurses were more attentive than others. However, I would like to think that overall, I was given the best care by *most* of the nurses. As a result of that, I am still here;)


As for weekends, I don't care what hospital you're in or even what you're in for, the number of staff

 

 


 



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Registered: 02-12-2004
Sun, 07-15-2007 - 11:08am

Hi Oneday4me,


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Avatar for careyfeel
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Registered: 06-18-2003
Sun, 07-15-2007 - 2:39pm
Lori:
Thank you for your replies to my message.When I was young(ages ago) I made some minor suicidal attempts but did not even go to the hospital.I was in a day hospital for three months(which in those days was horrible).They did not do anything for me except almost poison me with medication.
I have been suicidal off and on during my life and have seen lots of "T" s and have been given many different medcations.I also have a host of physical problems and have had several surgeries.I went to the first in-patient hospital in May, 2005.I had fought with my "T" for many months about going into the hospital.At a visit on a Thursday my "T" thought I was acting strangely and I consented to go the the hospital.I thought I was going to the day hospital, but the hospital said they would only take me as an in-patient.At the time I did not realize that I was having a reaction to medication and had to be withdrawn from it quickly..
I guess I was spoiled because this hospital is one of the best in the country(at least on the East Coasr).
Later in June I went to the day hospital there which also had a great program.
In August I went to a regular hospital because I have a horrible STAPH infection.I almost died and could have lost my arm.I was in ICU for 4 days and then in the hospital for another five, Few people know that I got the injury from burning myself.
In November,2006 I took an overdose of Tylenol.I did not think they would hurt me.My "T" called 911.I was in ICU of the main hospital for two days and then went to the psych ward where I was for four days(Unfortunately I arrived on a Friday).At the end of May I wanted to commit suicide by cutting my wrist.I could not find anything sharp enough to cut it with( my husband locks up medications and sharps)..
I was in the ER for 13 hours before I went to the psych.ward. I wanted to go to the other hospital.I was there for three days.
My son was angry because my first hospitalization was when he was having college exams and one was when he went to Grad school.
He had a lot of problems in Grad School and finally had to come home. He was really depressed and suicidal.He was in a psychiatric hospital for a week and a day hospital for a week..He sees a counselor an is on medication. He got teo different jobs and semed happy except he called his Dad and me all kinds of names. He was angry with me because I had him when I was "sick" and "crazy.". He sai I never should have had kids.He expected us to pay his bills and do everything for him. He called me worse names than I said..
Last Sunday when he took the pills,he took the smallest amount he could find(mostly 8-10)in each bottle. He could have taken a week of my pills(which are sorted for the week) and could have died morre easily.He was never completely unconscious and was always coherent.
He said he took the pills because he was angry at the computer. After he took the pills,he got dressed, wrote a suicide note and lay down to die.Fortunately his Dad and I were not long coming home.
Now he says he wished he had a camera so he could see my face when I saw him on the floor.Yesterda
y he told us that he thought about laying down on the kitchen floor to "scare" us.
he was in the main yhospital for 2 days and then in the psych ward for four days.He was no longer suicidal and wanted to return to work.It was going tto be the weekend and we saw no need for him to be there.
I know he is angry that I have been so sick during his life and I can sometimes understand why he is. I feeel guilty because I love him so much and messed up his life as well as my own.I know he dies I will too.I am angry at myself and guilty because I
got angry with him when he calls me names,etc. I am afraid he is "modeling" my behavior and that makes me feel guilty.Thank you for listening.Fran
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Registered: 02-12-2004
Sun, 07-15-2007 - 7:21pm

Hi Fran,


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Registered: 03-11-2004
Sun, 07-15-2007 - 11:15pm

I wanted to let you know, Fran, that we DO care about you. IMHO, Lori was spot-on in what she posted. Your ds's behavior reminds me alot of what my dd exhibits. Many times she knows exactly what buttons to push & is very much aware that I will worry excessively over her behavior. That I will feel guilty & think that my anxiety/depression caused her bipolar. I think your ds may be manipulating you into thinking he is modeling your behavior. In fact, he clearly knows what reaction he will provoke, because he knew it would make a good picture. In spite of the fact that his suicide attempt was half-hearted, anyone who would go to such measures, most assuredly has issues of some sort.


No matter how sick you were when you gave birth, it isn't right that he is throwing this in your face. Good heavens! Lots of kids have been born into worse situations. You surely have done your best. He is allowing himself to make excuses for verbally abusing you. You should NOT take this abuse! He is not accepting responsibility for himself. I feel for you, Fran, since my own dd does the same. Please don't enable this sort of bad behavior. He must

 

 


 



Avatar for careyfeel
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2003
Mon, 07-16-2007 - 12:30pm
Hi Lori:
Thank you for your response.I do see my "T" once a week and usually talk to her on the phone once a week or more.She was the one who got me admitted to the first hospital and called 911 when I took the Tylenol overdose(because I refused to do so).I see my "psych doc" every 4-6 weeks. They are at an out-patient psychiatry center and there is a psych. doc. on call 24 hours a day. Here we have an organization called "Mobile Crisis." People from there will come to you home to evaluate you or to the ER.If is an immediate emergency they will call 911 for you.At the one hospital I had to write down emergency numbers and contacts as well as medications before I could leave there.I have a list of emergency numbers by my phone but it has to be updated.The fire department and paramedics are across the street from my home and the nearest hospital is about 1 1/2 miles away.
I do get distracted easily and have memory problems.Usually I try to print my posts out so I will not repeat myself.Last week was so stressed filled that I forgot.The memory problems may be due to medication, age or something else.
Since he has come home from Grad School my son has been manipulative and cruel.He blames all his problems on his Dad and me.He says that we did not teach him "social" skills." Although it is too long to explainhe has actually been very mean. Both my"T" and His "T" and the people at the hospital have toldme not to let him do this to me and to tell him how much it hurts me(it does not work). Last week one of the things I felt guilty about was telling him I did not like him calling me names etc. I think I told you he told me I should not have had him because I was "crazy.".
is "T" and mine know all about what he has ben doing and we had a family session about 2 weeks ago.Both of them think he has been "baiting" me>One of the things he has said for the last year is that "he wants me to kill him"( he would not kill himself; he said I brought him into the world and I should take him out)>Because until now he made no attempt at suicide his "T".etc. thought he was saying it because he was so angry.
Even at the hospital they thought he was only suicidal for a little whileand did it out of anger). None of the drugs he took were ones that could really hurt him and the hospital knew that.
My husband does not trust me and one of the problems in my life is that he is very controlling.He calls me names and treats me like a child.WE ARE NOIOT EQUAL PARTNERSIN OUR MARRIAGE!Hwill not even let me buy groceries (he does). He has never hurt me physically only emotionally.
I had to quit my part-time job in April for health reasons(one was the memory issue since I was in retail).Last December I got an inheritance from my Aunt and God-Mother.Since then I have had to put a down payment on our car(I do not drive), pay my son's bills from Ohio, pay for various bills that I did not expect to pay, and begin to pay for my son's school loans.I now have hardly any money left and have not done one thing for myself( so want to go away).Now I have to pay some of my son's hospital bills-I just do not have the money.I paid over $400 for medication for him on Friday.
My son works and makes a fair saary and my husband makes an excellent salary.I am not allowed to share in the budgeting and use his check book. I should not have to work unless I want to, but I will be forced to work sooner than I thought.
I know I am very "wordy" so I hope you are not upset by this message.I am not offended by what you said - the advice you gave me was excellent.Thanks for listening, Fran