Alone with my grief

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2007
Alone with my grief
3
Tue, 07-17-2007 - 12:02am
It has been exactly two weeks since my best friend shot and killed herself. It has been two weeks since I sat next to the hospital bed and kissed her goodbye. The week after was so busy with the planning and the taking turns sitting with her family. Now everyone has gone home and here I sit. I am over the denial and teetering between bargaining and anger. I just don't know where to go from here. I have so many questions I want to ask her. I have become obsessed with the details of the suicide. Was she crying, was she high, was she scared, was she at peace? I knew she was depressed, I knew there were problems, but I don't understand how you make the decision knowing what it will do to all of us left behind. Her fiance just keeps saying he wants to be with her and now I can't even grieve or cry because I am so worried that he will make a split decision he can't take back.
I am sorry if this is not the place to be posting this, I just don't know where to turn. I am not ready for a face to face support group, I just have soooo many questions and don't know where to turn.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
In reply to: alhop
Tue, 07-17-2007 - 12:54am

Hi Alhop and welcome to the board... You are, indeed in the right place if you are seeking support, information or simply a safe place to "vent" or grieve...


Please accept my deepest sympathies at the tragic loss of your best friend... At times like this, there really ARE no words, but I want to offer you what I can in terms of support and my thoughts on what you shared.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2007
In reply to: alhop
Tue, 07-17-2007 - 7:37am

Alhop,


Lori basically said it all.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
In reply to: alhop
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 10:06am

(((Alhop))) I am so sorry to hear about your friend. Please accept my heartfelt sympathies.


I know from experience, that those who are left behind will always have questions. They must learn to accept the fact, that there may never be answers to those questions. You were not responsible in any way. Ppl intent on taking their lives, will do it somehow, even if we try to intervene.


Like Lori has said, you are following what we know is the path of grief. You are questioning. How soon you pass through the stages depends totally on you. In that you are NOT alone. We're here for you if you want to vent or cry or question. We are very aware that this will come in your own way & your own time. There IS no hurry.


A support group can be a great thing. I attended one led by a chaplain after the death of my only sister. I had many spiritual concerns. It was nearly a year after her passing that I was able to *face* them. So, you find the timetable that suits you. The board will be here.


Good luck & GBU! Please keep in touch. jan

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