Hi Eveyone

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2006
Hi Eveyone
4
Tue, 08-14-2007 - 11:06am
Hi Everyone,
After trying the get my husband to listen to my feelings and that I needed help emotionally that I attepting suicide by taking an overdose. Come to find out that while I was in the hoispital for a week my husband slept with someone else. He says it just happened and that it didnt mean anything. That they couldnt control themselves.
Cindy
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
In reply to: sober1368
Tue, 08-14-2007 - 2:30pm

Hi, Cindy! I don't think we've met. Nice to see you:)


I am very sorry to hear what has happened. This is like adding salt to an already painful

 

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
In reply to: sober1368
Tue, 08-14-2007 - 3:49pm

Hi Cindy and welcome to the board... I am sorry you are going thru such a tough time right now but I'm glad we can be here for you and others and that you were able to find the courage to talk to us!


Jan gave you some good advice ---your first priority should be safety! How is that issue NOW? Are you currently feeling safe? If not, please reach out for additional help immediately. You ARE important and things WILL get better!


I do not believe affairs or one night stands "just happen!" The fact that your husband could do something like this when you were at your lowest point tells me that there were probably some important issues that needed work within the relationship to begin with. Do you feel that is accurate? Has he ever done anything like this before, to your knowledge? Has he generally been supportive when you go through a rough time? Did you previously consider the marriage a strong one? What about him? These are all questions that you might wish to consider BEFORE making any hasty decisions as to whether you want to try and forgive the betrayal of trust and work through it or if it's time to call it quits and move on.


Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: sober1368
Wed, 08-15-2007 - 2:11am

I'm so sorry that this has happened to you. I can relate in many ways. I have Bipolar Disorder, anxiety disorders, and other mental illnesses. I wasn't diagnosed properly until after my dh and I got married 7.5 years ago. I was diagnosed approx. 6.5-7 years ago. It then took two years for the medication mix to be right for me. During that two years, he had a long term emotional affair. It started due to my depression, my inability to talk to him at times, etc.

Unfortunately, our stories are not uncommon. Depression of a spouse often sends the spouse looking for comfort, for normality, and for support that we are unable to provide them at the time. This is especially true when it's a long and/or serious depression. That is the reason that they look outside the marriage, not that it makes it okay. They are making a choice to betray us. This choice is not of our making or of our illness' making. It is a choice of the WS's making alone. (In other words, don't beat yourself up for being depressed. That isn't your fault. However, his choice to deal with this problem in this way was his choice, something that is his fault, and his alone.)

My magic wand is broken, unfortunately. I've had it in the shop for some time now. I call once in a while to see how the repair is going. They keep telling me that it's probably not repairable. ;) Therefore, I don't have any magic answers. It's difficult, but now you have to deal with your mental illness AND his betrayal. It is NOT fair! I *know* that! However, there isn't anything that can change it or make it go away.

I would suggest that if you aren't in counseling, both of you need to seek individual counseling prior to marriage counseling. You need to deal with your depression and your feelings over the A and how you want to deal with it. He needs to figure out a better way to cope with your mental illness and how he's going to deal with the A. Between your counselors, you should be able to figure out the right time to start marriage counseling.

If you want to, feel free to pop in on my A board. You can link in via my siggie. Although most of the people there are dealing with emotional affairs, we do have some people whose spouse/SO has carried it over into a physical affair. There is also the Betrayed Spouses board.

Please, let me know how you're doing!

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket





Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2007
In reply to: sober1368
Wed, 08-15-2007 - 7:04am

Cindy,


I am so glad your attempt did not go through.