Feeling Hopeless
Find a Conversation
| Wed, 09-26-2007 - 11:27pm |
I have been feeling very hopeless lately. Like there is nothing good in my life and I am all alone. I suffer from clinical depression and I take zoloft (generic). I also see a therapist every other week. The past two weeks have been one mini-crisis after another. I've had to have the plumber out, my car needs several hundred dollars worth of repairs, and I just realized that I have a dead or dying tree in my front yard that will need to go. I owe $30,000 in credit card bills and they are all for repairs, doctors, etc. I do pay my minimum balance on time, but all I can see is my increasing debt and I can't see a way out. Then last thursday I got a call back about my very first mammogram (I am 36). They saw something on it. They told me that it is probably fine, but especially since they don't have one to compare it to, they want to make sure that all is well. I realized then that I am all alone. If I really needed someone to go with me, there would be no one. They all have more important things to do. Mom lives in another state, sister has to work, work friends are working or on vacation. I have absolutely no one.
Then I started thinking about death as a solution to my troubles. I would not do anything, but right now all I can think of is that everything would be so much better for everyone if I was not around. I just can't see anything getting better. Everything is dark and I cannot see a future.
I also post to the depression board too, but these thoughts are new. I can't go back to the doctor because I need to work. Everyone in charge is gone and no one can sub for me.
Don't worry, I will not act on these thoughts, but everything seems hopeless right now.
Kay



Pages
Kay,
I don't Know how much help I can be right now, I am in quite the same boat as you, I spend most of my days crying and wishing God would come and get me. Maybe we can get threw this together. I am here holding your hand and giving you a much needed hug that we both need! Lets hang in there toghether!
Hi Kay and welcome to the board--although I am sorry you are feeling so badly as to need such a place! I hope you will hang out with us and let us get to know you---and vice versa. We are a very supportive and caring bunch--as is all of ivillage!
"Feeling hopeless" is one of the hallmarks of clinical depression... As you likely already know, depression can affect sleep, appetite, mood (obviously!), energy level, thought process, perception, impulse control, judgement, sex drive and much more. I am glad you are under the treatment of a therapist and are on medication. How long have you been on the med if I may ask? Do you feel it has made a difference? If not, perhaps it's time for a medication adjustment? This may be something you could discuss with your doctor or therapist. Do you find the therapist easy to talk to so that you can be totally honest with him or her? Is the therapy helping? I know for me, there have been times when I'd come as far as I could with one therapist and ultimately it was in my best interest to move on. But that may not at all be the case with you.
The fact that you've begun thinking about death is not a good sign... It indicates that something has changed or is changing--for the worse. And while it's good that you say you won't actually attempt suicide, it's of concern that those feelings are there. Have you talked to your therapist about the new thoughts? In my opinion both as someone who's been there (suffered from depression) and as a professional (not in the professional role here however) this is worth a call to the therapist if you are in between sessions! Or, if you don't feel comfortable doing that, is there a clergy person you feel comfortable talking to or a dear family member or friend? If not, there are hotlines/resources listed at the top of this page that you might consider calling.
Welcome, Kay! I am very sorry to hear how you are feeling. Depression does rob us of life's enjoyment. It does cloud our thinking & in some cases makes it impossible to concentrate well enough to figure things out for ourselves. Lori gave you many good ideas. If you have access to a local social services agency that provides free credit counseling, that might prove helpful. Also, iVillage has their own Debt Support Group: http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-mlsupport
Hi Kay,
I'm so sorry that you are feeling this way.
LUCKY
Thank you.
Well, I do pay my bills on time and I pay the minimum because I am afraid to otherwise.
Thank you for answering.
I cannot say this enough, Kay. WE KNOW how you're feeling because it has happened to us. Don't cut yourself off from others. Depression clouds our thinking. I don't know what you think other ppl see when they look @ you, but this is part of the destruction depression causes. I recall not answering the phone, simply because I was thinking noone would want to talk to me. That was NOT a normal thought. The phone WAS ringing. It WAS for me. It WAS a friend who wanted to talk. Our thoughts can become twisted & unrealistic.
You DO matter. Ppl care about you. If they understood the depth of your suffering, they would be there in a heartbeat. Reach out.
Please keep safe. Call the numbers if you need too. I will say a prayer for you. They say it's the darkest just before the dawn. I believe you have a dawn coming. Unfortunately, these things don't happen soon enough. Hang in there. (((hugs))) jan
Hi Kay,
Pages