Newbie! And a question.
Find a Conversation
| Wed, 02-23-2005 - 1:01pm |
Hello! I'm new to this board, my name is Victoria, I'm 20 and I live in Montreal. I've been gradually cutting out my meats and cow milk (although I still eat eggs) for the past couple of months. There are a lot of reasons I wanted to do this - like most of you, I don't like cruelty to animals, I plan on getting my degree in animal studies starting next year and I volunteer at the SPCA, and it seemed a little hypocritical to be eating them and then trying to help them, you know? Plus the pounds I've been trying to shed have been coming off a lot faster since I started not eating meat. :o) So that's me, I'm looking forward to getting to know you!
I'm sure this question has come up before, and I went back a couple of months in the posts but couldn't find it. If you went out to dinner at a friend's house, and they knew you didn't eat meat but served it anyway, would you just not eat it? What would you do?
My boyfriend and I go over to his parents at least three or four times a week for dinner. They know I'm trying to go veg, but they still keep serving meat. I can't quite tell if they just forget, or they don't want to cook two separate meals, because they are really nice people. Last night, for instance, we had hamburgers. I didn't want to appear rude and not touch my plate, but I would have been starving if I'd just eaten the bun! So I ate it, but I felt super sick after, and now I'm not sure what the proper thing to do would have been.



Pages
That`s a tough situation, Victoria! Although my boyfriend and I are both vegetarians, whenever we go over to his grandparents` houses, they always serve us meat! And they know that we don`t eat it, too. I think to them, they see this as kind of a "phase". My BF doesn`t want to offend his grandparents, who he`s very close to, so he ends up eating the meat and getting pretty sick afterward. I don`t want to be rude but I try to avoid eating it at all costs (sometimes just smelling meat will make me physically ill now). It`s been a few months since we`ve eaten with them, so I haven`t had that situation recently but in the past, I would just try to make the most of their side dishes. Green beans, veggies, bread, pies, that stuff.
Do his parents serve other dishes that you could chow down on instead? I think it`s pretty rude that they know you`re vegetarian but they keep serving meat. Perhaps they just think that whatever they serve, you`ll eat it since you have in the past, like they realize that you say your
If you keep going over and eating the meat that they serve they will continue to serve it. Probably figuring that you must not be serious about becoming veggie. If you simply stop eating it they will get the picture and stop serving it. You can also remind them that you don't eat meat before your next visit. You can bring something to eat so that they feel like they have to cook something special. You can eat just the side dishes. You can stop going over if you don't want to say anything.
My parents were having a difficult time with the concept that my children really weren't going to eat animal stuff. They kept giving them stuff when they would go over, dairy products mostly. When I saw what they were giving them I would always say, "Mom we don't want the kids to have that it's a dairy product." She'd say stuff like one time won't kill them. I'd say "That's not the point. I don't want them to have it." After a few times I finally said that the kids couldn't come over any more if she was going to keep giving them that stuff. She asked what she could give them and I stocked her up with vegan junk food treats.
You have to tell people exactly what it is that you want. Be specific and remember that people don't remember. It is hard enough for most people to remember the specifics of their own life, let alone the specifics of someone else's. It isn't rude to remind someone that you don't eat meat and to say that you will bring your own meal or help prepare a separate one. But you definitely have to stop eating the meat when you go over there or they will figure that you aren't serious about not eating meat.
Heather
http://ecowares.myarbonne.com]
Hi, Victoria!
At school I used to make "tomato burgers"- there was a deli line (like a do-it-yourself Subway) and I'd have a bun with tomato slices, cheese,
hi and welcome!
if that happened to me, i would remind them that i am vegan and decline the food. i'd just go hungry until i could get home or stop somewhere on the way home to get vegan food. in fact, whenever i'm in a situation where i suspect there may not be food for me, i usually eat beforehand so i don't go hungry and then just nibble on whatever DOES happen to be vegan.
there is no "proper" thing to do (though i don't think you should make yourself sick!) - you have no one to answer to but yourself. personally, eating the burger would violate my ethics. i also don't think it would be rude to decline to eat it, and i don't think etiquette ever would require someone to violate their ethics, but only you can decide for yourself where your values are and what is more important to you.
Hi Victoria!
Welcome to the board. It's nice to see another Canadian here. I'm Alison, community leader for this board. I live in Ontario and I've been a vegetarian for almost a year and a half.
In answer to your question... yes, I would just not eat it. I would eat side dishes instead, and if there were no side dishes I would politely decline and eat later. I have had most of the people in my life support me wholeheartedly in the decisions I am making. I hope that when your family realizes that you are serious, that they support you in this too. It definitely helps.
Good luck to you! I can't wait to get to know you better.
Hi ladies,
thanks for the warm welcome and input to my question.
Delurking.... (And I'll introduce myself soon, too.)
You could always say that allergic to meat and/or it makes you phisically ill. I guess, technically, if one's body reacts infavorably to food, then it's an allergy. If they get really miffed, you could tell them that you would be more than happy to eat the meat, if they have no problem puking in their bathroom within a half hour after dinner.
I agree, about the whole in-law/family thing. My in-laws are big red meat eaters. They live an hour away, and they often come down on Sunday afternoons to visit. Always, we eat at a steak restaurant. It was only within the past few months that I've all but refused to eat meat. It's real fun to find stuff at a steak restaurant. This past Sunday, I settled on French onion soup (good, but very high in sodium, as I could taste the salt), and a house salad, which looked smaller than my SIL's grilled chicken salad (minus the chicken). When I commented on the size of the salad (thinking it wasn't worth the what they were charging), my husband offered me his cole slaw. I also filled up on rolls.
My MIL makes a wonderful lasagna. I almost hate to ask her to make a separate one without the ground beef.... However, I figure that if she just provides the ingredients while she's cooking the other one, I could make me a smaller, meat free one, just cheese and sauce. However, she would make a separate one, if that's what would make me happy. Generally, she'll do what she can (usually, whithin reason) for her kids if it will make them happy. (Including me, the one child-in-law she not just really likes, but loves; Yeah, I know that sounds pompos, but I'd have to take the time to explain the rest of the family for you to get it.) If I wanted a meatless lasagna, I would get it. Other than that, with the meals, I can just opt to not eat the meat.
Actually, if my husband's older sister and one of his brothers knew that I am all-but vegetarian, they would think me wacko. Actually, I think the SIL already thinks that of me. I'm curious as to what her reaction will be when she finds out I quit smoking. (She already thought it interesting, and I think a bit impressive when she found out that I NEVER smoked indoors unless I was at a bar, or someplace dining alone. Likewise when I told her that I would REFUSE to even try to have kids if I was still smoking. She not only smoked with her first child, but I think smoked through the pregnancy. She not only still smokes, two kids later and smokes indoors. Then she wonders why her kids have problems.)
Oops. Im digressing.
Hhhmmm.... I've seemed to have lost my train of thought. This is typical of me.
Anyway.... I hope I've helped.
Laura
Hello, Laura!
I'm Jaseann... you've probably seen some of my other posts (like the one to this discussion, for example!) and I quit meat "cold turkey" 8 years ago (except for the one meal under unusual pressure of paying a final visit to my grandfather) and am glad that, while some relatives don't understand my choice they all accepted it- and they'd been calling my cousin's (then new) wife a vegetarian when she still eats fish and, I think, poulty, and my other cousin was noted by the rest of the family when she gave up beef products! Eric eats less meat now, since he cooks for his wife, so none of us grandkids eat a ton of meat... but I am the only one to give up all meats. But after everyone had a few months to get used to it, our food choices were just facts.
But my father is Southern and he and his sister can't imagine life without fried chicken and real ham (which apparently cannot be replicated with any degree of success by any Yankee, but what he can find is better than nothing!) And I don't think Grandma (on the cousin's side) can iimagine eating vegetarian. Well, except for when she's visiting us, since I cook for my parents and myself (I still live at home since I have health issues and am mildly disabled, and Mom is in a wheelchair and lost some of her language and use of her right hand to a stroke last year!
Even if the lasagna doesn't pan out- though I've seen so many good, meatless, lasagnas and used to make them myself before I had to give up wheat products (I have celiac disease)- you could ask for a good salad or garlic bread (which can be bought nowdays) and so on. I did finally find a casserole that I can make with gluten-free
I haven't read all the other replies so I apologize if I repeat someone!
I personally would make a sandwich with the condiments, veggies.. A roll with cheese, lettuce, tomato, onion.. mmmm yummy. IF they didn't have those I'd go off the side dishes. On top of that you can always bring something along from home so you don't feel inconsiderate having a special meal made for you.
I'm married to a carnivore ;) I always make two meals or just make his and then eat the side dishes. Sometimes it gets so frustrating to cook two separate meals though!
I don't think it's rude at all to decline meat when it's your life choice not to eat it. Anyone who cares should accept it even if they don't understand it.
I personally get tired of hearing.. Well the animals are going to get killed whether you eat them or not.. See it's already been killed so you not eating it didn't make an impact.. GRRRR...
Thanks for the compliment on my babies. I love them all to bits! My Dad and brother and I are actually considering getting another dog and cat for our new house. I can't wait.
Pages