Ds came to visit this week-end...
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Ds came to visit this week-end...
| Mon, 04-21-2003 - 12:25am |
We talked until midnight the first night he was here about absolutely everything...EXCEPT his situation in Japan. Then, since we were both yawning, we headed for bed and made it as far as the kitchen. He said something and the dam just broke. We ended up sitting on the kitchen floor talking until 2 am. He really opened up to me for the first time about how things have been since the beginning of their marriage...not good. But even as he talked about the loneliness, frustration and sense of hopelessness, he would stop and say something about how hard it had been for his wife...different language, different culture, no control over anything, dependent on him for everything. He sounded so "reasonable"! (Frankly, and I know I'm biased, I never saw much effort on her part to learn to do anything that would make her life here any easier or more enjoyable.) The only time he broke down was when he talked about his son and then he just crumpled and the tears came. He's going to try to maintain as much contact as he can but that means probably 2-4 trips to Japan each year and, hopefully, she will bring Byron over here during his summer holiday. I would certainly be willing to help with the plane tickets for them! It's not good but probably the best that can be managed. There is a part of him, though, that is looking forward to maybe finding a girl someday with whom he can really share his life. I hope he finds her. He tried so hard to be a good husband and father. He has his faults but he did try...and got very little back for it.
This is hard for dd and me too. We are realistic enough to know that seeing Byron maybe once a year is not going to be enough to leave much of an impression in his mind...especially since there will be no English spoken in that home which means that we won't be able to talk with him much at all when we do see him. I am trying not to be negative and judgmental (not always succeeding!) and am concentrating on being grateful for the time that I have had with that wonderful little boy. He's left behind a big hole in our hearts.
Kat

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&n
(and I am not talking about your son or dil)
are just not good at adapting majorly; but
who knew. Maybe things can still be worked
out in the year to come.
Please keep us posted; we do care, Kat.
((((((((Hugs))))))))))
Cindy
~*~ Aloha to all .... ~*~
How did your ds meet his Japanese wife? Was it at college? I imagine that's a very tough culture to fit into. I give him a lot of credit just for trying to make it work!
Hang in there, dear Kat, things will get easier for both of you!
Hugs, Pam
I hope you get as much time as possible with
him.
Hugs, Sara
DS just needs to keep in touch with his son no matter how hard it gets. At least he has you to talk to and give him encouragemnet. And when the child is older hopefully he will make it clear he intends to spend time with his father. Many hugs sweetheart.
<
Hugs Mary
Grams
Many hugs,
Red
It's so sad for everyone involved. Have to say she is a smart lady tho getting son to go there with her. Had they not, I am fairly sure your son could have kept the little guy here. If he was born here, American citizen and mom wouldn't have been allowed to take him. Maybe I am awful, but if you and son ever get your grandson here...keep him. I don't think the USA will let her have him back.
My brothers wife is Korean and while his wife went back to vist often in the first years, never did he allow her to take the children. Thankfully their marraige seems to be a good one tho. Marraige number 3 for him I might add.
Hope things work out somehow. Little boys need their daddy and that little guy is going to end up resenting his Mom I think.
Hugs,
Rain
Hugs to you
Mary
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