Ladies I really need your input...long

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Ladies I really need your input...long
26
Thu, 04-24-2003 - 6:12pm
You all know we are moving into my mom's house. This is necessary because we need the room. My problem is when I was 6 my dad's friend's brother molested me in the dining room and everytime I walk in there I remember. As if that wasn't bad enough when I was 11 and at a neighbors's with other kids I was molested by the girl's father. Of course this man was very involved in the church and had a wonderful reputation. After talking to him my mom came back and called me a liar. How could anyone that religious and important be a child molester? Then I was babysitting one night and the brother of a neighbor nearly raped me. Luckily this man's gay brother and his lover heard my screams and saved me. This man was out on bail for rape after just getting out of jail for rape. While I was in school the neighbor came over and begged my mother not to press charges. She felt sorry for him and didn't. When I got home I was furious and demanded what about me?! I was her child ...didn't she care about me? At least my father stuck up for me. He hunted him down in all the bars and when he found him beat him to a pulp. The man was convicted on the other rape charges and hung himself in jail. This move and this neighborhood holds no fond memories for me but I need the bigger house for my kids. What would you do? Mac knows about Frank Bianco, the one who molested me when I was 11, and I don't care if his name goes out over the web. Mac is so pissed he will probably go after him if Frank says anything to him. My ex befriended him after I told him...tells you about the hate level in that marraige doesn't it? The rapist's brother lives right across the street and i have to look at him daily. What do I do? I plan on moving in and not associating with any of them. WE are putting up a privacy fence and hibernating but I will have to see these peole when go out for my walks. Should I ignore them? Should I confront them? It happened so long ago but I still suffer from it. Why should they get away with it? Sorry I am venting but after all these years still hurts so badly. Do I have a sign on my head...:Molest her"? this is one of the hardest posts I have ever posted.

I will not even go into the drug, alcohol and child abuse that went on in that house. Pleasant memories in that house...not yet, but I'm planning on changing its karma big time. Sorry I dumped all this on you all. Believe it or not this is just scratching the surface of my life. So far it has not been a happy experience. that is until I found all you nuts:) All my love, Bernie

PS. Sorry this has been such a big downer but I needed to get it off my chest and into print. It may not help to relieve it but at least its out:)

Hugs, Bernie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-1999
Thu, 04-24-2003 - 6:52pm
What a lot of stuff you are handling. I guess I would be very hesitant to move into that house with all those horrible memories...and the molesters are still living near??? Guess I would seriously think about selling the house and buying what you need size wise without those awful memories. Hope that is an option for you.

Hugs

RJ


 


Avatar for capwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 04-24-2003 - 7:26pm
((Bernie)) you are another strong woman. Sometimes we have to face those monsters that scare us the most in order to see that they are only weak and worthless human beings after all. But if you truly can't bear to be in that neighborhood I say don't move there. Sell the house and find another. My last suggestion is...hire Guido to rid this earth of all those creeps! Oh boy...now I'm probably in trouble with the cyber-police! Well, as long as I am we can also have Guido take care of Scott Peterson, hmmm?

Many hugs cutie!

PS: Oh yes, Guido is my dh's imaginary hit-man. He takes care of all bad men who hurt women. Isn't that a great idea?

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Avatar for hulagirl_leilani
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Thu, 04-24-2003 - 10:42pm
Bernie under no circumstances do you ever become someone's victim.... Never! So do what ya have to do and put your nose up in the air chick and do it...

God never makes junk! Chick! your as important as the trees and the stars in life and don't you forget it Bernie!

Aloha oye!

Hula Girl

Aloha,

Lei

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-1998
Thu, 04-24-2003 - 11:34pm
Bern, I could never tell you what to do; I only know that if it were me, I don't think I could bear living there with all the memories in the house and the jerks across the street. Would it be a home to you? Or just a house? Do you want a home, or just a house? Seems like after all you've been through, you deserve a home that feels good to be in.

Love ya,

Red

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-25-2003 - 1:34am
Bern, I know how difficult that was for you

to post. I hope that a different option can

open up for you, sooner the better.

But if not....

Now I only say the following because I know

you to believe strongly in God. Remember the

verse "I can do all things thru Christ."

That also means that it is possible for you

to live there in peace. You are a very, very

strong woman who can stand up to evil.

And you yourself just said you will change

the karma in the house, or whatever it is

called. You said it because you yourself

know you can do it.

I would not confront the neighbor. That

is still a "god-sized problem", and let God

handle them for you. All you need to to is

take your walks, if they say hello, you say

hello back. Don't let your mind sidetrack

you. You and I have seen the impossible

happen. And even if things do not happen

overnight, you can do it, Bern.

You really can.

Will pray for your strength.....

love,

Cindy


~*~ Aloha to all .... ~*~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 04-25-2003 - 8:56am
Bernie, my heart goes out to you, this is hard, My oldest daughter was raped when she was 12, by a friends friend, and she closed her eyes to it, taking his side, I had a uncle that messed with me when I was 10, and then traceys (my oldest) her daughter was sexually assulted when she was 11, by daughters husbands brother, so its been very hard, infact I dated the guy at the time, never knew he was like that. Its hard, I keep myself away form my uncle, when at family gatherings, I make sure I am not alone with him to this day. My aunt has no idea about this. As for my daughters rapist, he got 9 months in Livingston co jail and that was it, I pray that I never see him in my life time. It isnt easy putting the past behind you, I know, And this idiot being so close isnt going to be easy,, pray to God for his help to make YOU THE better person, ignoring him and his family, maybe you can get with the area police and schools and make your house a safe house, for the children that walk to and from school, if in danger they can come to you,And I know sex offenders are suppose to register with the local police dept, not sure he has, but I would make it known, and ALL families around should know his history, It might bring up all the bad feelings, remembering that time, and the rest, but think of the next child you help. I do feel it is good to talk about it, it heals us, I think. my heart and prayers go out to you, This person should NOT go on as nothing happened, and families NEED to know, I know I would want to know if I had a offender in my neighbor hood or even in my town! It is very scarey,, hugssssssssssssss,love ya...Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Fri, 04-25-2003 - 12:30pm
Bernie, I wouldn't do it, don't move back, find some other solution to needing space. This can only bring you sadness in the longrun and you don't need this. I was also molested when I was only 6 and almost raped at 15. I have terrible memories from this. Therapy does help, but the memories do not go away. You need to do what is best for you my friend!! Hugs, Gabby

       


 


                              &n

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 04-25-2003 - 2:10pm
Bernie no matter how hard you try to change the karma of that house it will haunt you for as long as you live there. Normally I would say let the past be the past but this can never completely be the past. Why put youself though that again. I with everyone else no matter what I would not live in that house or near those people. You survived that terrible life don't go back to it now. No matter what or how crowded your house feels don't do it my friend.

Thanks for being brave enough to share with us. I cannot wait to meet you in May.

Love

Mary

                          &n
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 04-25-2003 - 2:41pm
Bernie,, I do agree with the other ladies, I dont think I could put myself back into the house with all the bad memories, continue renting it, or sell it and buy a new home and you , Mac, and your son have a fresh NEW start, why open a can of worms, You deserve to be happy, and that is with good thoughts and feelings, where this house is going to haunt you, dont do it,, wow I wish I was gonna meet ya,,ok I am jealous, what can I say! Mary,, stop rubbing our nose's in it that your gonna meet Bernie! grrrrrrrrrr,, just kidding Mary, gosh I gotta pick on somebody!This time in your life is time for you and to be happy, dont hurt yourself.love ya,,HUGS!!!!!!!!.........Pam
Avatar for foxie5
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-25-2003 - 5:21pm
Bernie, I am so proud of you for being a survivor. You have come a long way in spite of your tough childhood. If there is any way to avoid moving there I would, can yousell both houses and buy one new one? Keep me posted!! Big Hugs! Debby

 

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