Ladies I really need your input...long

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Ladies I really need your input...long
26
Thu, 04-24-2003 - 6:12pm
You all know we are moving into my mom's house. This is necessary because we need the room. My problem is when I was 6 my dad's friend's brother molested me in the dining room and everytime I walk in there I remember. As if that wasn't bad enough when I was 11 and at a neighbors's with other kids I was molested by the girl's father. Of course this man was very involved in the church and had a wonderful reputation. After talking to him my mom came back and called me a liar. How could anyone that religious and important be a child molester? Then I was babysitting one night and the brother of a neighbor nearly raped me. Luckily this man's gay brother and his lover heard my screams and saved me. This man was out on bail for rape after just getting out of jail for rape. While I was in school the neighbor came over and begged my mother not to press charges. She felt sorry for him and didn't. When I got home I was furious and demanded what about me?! I was her child ...didn't she care about me? At least my father stuck up for me. He hunted him down in all the bars and when he found him beat him to a pulp. The man was convicted on the other rape charges and hung himself in jail. This move and this neighborhood holds no fond memories for me but I need the bigger house for my kids. What would you do? Mac knows about Frank Bianco, the one who molested me when I was 11, and I don't care if his name goes out over the web. Mac is so pissed he will probably go after him if Frank says anything to him. My ex befriended him after I told him...tells you about the hate level in that marraige doesn't it? The rapist's brother lives right across the street and i have to look at him daily. What do I do? I plan on moving in and not associating with any of them. WE are putting up a privacy fence and hibernating but I will have to see these peole when go out for my walks. Should I ignore them? Should I confront them? It happened so long ago but I still suffer from it. Why should they get away with it? Sorry I am venting but after all these years still hurts so badly. Do I have a sign on my head...:Molest her"? this is one of the hardest posts I have ever posted.

I will not even go into the drug, alcohol and child abuse that went on in that house. Pleasant memories in that house...not yet, but I'm planning on changing its karma big time. Sorry I dumped all this on you all. Believe it or not this is just scratching the surface of my life. So far it has not been a happy experience. that is until I found all you nuts:) All my love, Bernie

PS. Sorry this has been such a big downer but I needed to get it off my chest and into print. It may not help to relieve it but at least its out:)

Hugs, Bernie
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 04-25-2003 - 5:33pm
Guido, what a wonderful idea! Unfortunately I promised my father I would never seel the hosue. It really is a great place and having Mac there with me will make it easier.

Thanks for the input. Hugs, Bern
Hugs, Bernie
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 04-25-2003 - 5:36pm
Lei, thanks for the words of encouragement. Putting my nose inthe air and telling them all to go take a flying Sh*t sounds good to me. Hugs, Bernie
Hugs, Bernie
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 04-25-2003 - 5:41pm
Red if I could I would buy something else but right now this is the only choice open to me. I was thinking last night to really try putting the past to rest once and for all and go on from there. Thanks for the kind words. Hugs, Bern
Hugs, Bernie
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 04-25-2003 - 5:44pm
Cindy, thanks for those beautiful words of encouragement. I feel better already. Hugs, Bern
Hugs, Bernie
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 04-25-2003 - 5:49pm
Pam how awful for you all. Believe me I know what you are going through.

Alerting the police now after so many years would be fruitless and stir up

all the ugliness again. These people are older now and not in good health. This may be evil but I hope they meet their maker very soon. They will have a lot to explain once they get there. Hugs, Bern
Hugs, Bernie
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 04-25-2003 - 5:54pm
OMG Gabby I had no idea you went through the same thing as I. Unfortunately I have no other option at this point. All I can hope for at this point is these creeps meet their maker real soon. Hugs, Bern
Hugs, Bernie
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 04-25-2003 - 5:58pm
Mare I wish I did have another choice but right now its impossible to stay here.

Having Mac with me will help. Also, the distraction of all the cats and ds's dog should keep me distracted. As for the neighbors I plan on staying inside and not associating with them. I know its hiding but hiding is better than nothing. Hugs, Bern
Hugs, Bernie
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 04-25-2003 - 6:05pm
RJ, unfortunately my father loved the house and made me promise I would never sell it.

Some how I'll make it. Hugs, Bernie
Hugs, Bernie
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 04-25-2003 - 8:19pm
Bernie sometimes you do what you have to do. You are a very brave lady.

Love

Mary

                          &n
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 04-25-2003 - 10:20pm
Oh, Bernie, what a horrible childhood, and how scarred you must be from all the abuse. You certainly have risen above all that, but I'm sure the memories still haunt you at times. I have to ask, are you really sure you want to move back to that house? There must be other options, maybe you could sell it and buy a different one that would have enough space for you. I just hate to think of you shuddering every time you walk through that dining room! and I'm not sure you can do anything to it, remodel, repaint, etc., that would change those feelings for you. And to have to see "reminders" every time you walk around the block? Bernie, think really hard about this. It's one thing to live through such misery and come out fairly whole afterwards, but to subject yourself to it AGAIN every day, I wouldn't be strong enough.

As for confronting your abusers, I have two suggestions, first, get some good counseling to help you deal with the memories and do some healthy venting. Second, I found that writing letters to people helped tremendously, I just didn't mail them! But it was cathartic to get it all down in black and white. After that, you may feel that confronting is no longer necessary. You've "confronted" them on paper. Talking to them in person might dredge everything back up for you and make things worse, especially if they deny what they did to you!

I wish you luck with this awful situation, and some well deserved peace of mind.

Love and hugs, Pam