Sad to say it, but I have decided to ..m

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sad to say it, but I have decided to ..m
10
Sun, 05-04-2003 - 12:38pm
disown my ds if he doesn't change his ways. My heart is breaking, I love him so much, but I will no longer allow him to use dd as his verbal and emotional punching bag! My poor dd has had the year from hell, and instead of being there for her, encouraging and uplifting her spirits, he is determined to knock her down at every turn. He is the most critical, selfish, selfcentered young man I believe I've ever encountered, and believes that every "good turn" he does for someone should have a benefit for him. He can't find it in his heart to help me get organized and cleaned up in anticipation of putting this condo up for sale, without taking it upon himself to throw away things without asking if I want to keep them, finding fault with my pack rat ways, and just generally looking down his nose at me and his sister. I sent him an email to this effect this morning, telling him to stay away if he can't be a decent loving human being.

I am so depressed right now, waking up tomorrow is not a high priority. I haven't slept for two nights, awakened by horrible acid reflux several times a night. I feel so alone in this struggle we call "life", miss Mikey, hate being responsible for everything, and have run out of "strong"! Thank God for my daughter, she is the one thing I feel I've done right! From now on, my efforts will be concentrated on her, and ds can find his own way in the world. He's going to end up a very lonely man if he doesn't change his ways. The last straw came a couple of weeks ago, when I got dd's bank statement in the mail, for the account all your donations went into. He had helped himself to $200 back in February and did it without asking or even telling me, just withdrew it to help gf out of a jam with her parents. His response when I confronted him about it? "Well, she's not going to need it anyway, she'll never make it to college!" My blood pressure must have risen about 50 points right then, and I just wanted to slap his face! So, my friends, if I'm not my usual cheerful self, I'm sorry, but right now I hurt a lot. Tears are very close to the surface and I can't find much to be cheerful about.

Sorry for the downer, just ignore me and go on to a happier post. I imagine one day I'll be okay again. Frankly, I don't really care one way or the other.

Apologetically, Pam

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Sun, 05-04-2003 - 1:07pm
Pam our children are sometimes the ones that hurt us the most. It is not easy when a child is not doing the things we need from them. Just had a visit from my dd and it was not the most pleasent time I have spent with her and her dh. This has been a rough time for you and things will get better my friend. You can do this you know you can and the depression and heartache you are feeling now are so normal. Just put one foot in front of the other and you will see that you can make it. I wish I was there right now to give you a big (((HUG))). I will do that very soon when I see you in Vegas.

Love

Mary

                          &n
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Sun, 05-04-2003 - 1:31pm
My dear friend, don't ever apologize for sharing your feelings. That is what we are here for. I hope it helps to let it out here with us. I wish I could give you a big hug and tell you everything will be ok. Shame on ds for acting like this when you both need him and need the family to stick together. You know it will get better, please don't get discouraged, I worry so much about you my friend. Please IM me at messenger if you want to talk. Your friend, Gabby

       


 


                              &n

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-1999
Sun, 05-04-2003 - 3:46pm
Hugs, Pam...our kids are the ones that can hurt us the most. Please don't apoligize for venting..everyone including you have been so kind to me with ds in the service and far away. Yes, I think I would distance myself from him a bit 'maybe' he will grow up a! Think I would let him make the first move as far as making nice. but protect yourself don't allow him to hurt you..get your 'strong' back...That's what you will need!

Sorry you are going thru this...take care of yourself and your dd

Hugs

RJ


 


Avatar for cl_campmum_of3
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Sun, 05-04-2003 - 3:50pm
Oh Pam, I sure do feel for you! I bet you are feeling the stress pretty much right now, not good at all!

I hope that things will settle down between you and yoru ds and that life can start to flow nicely between you all again!

Do not feel bad for coming on to vent... this is really the best place for it!

Wishing you lots of luck over the whole thing.

Oh and I wanted to tell you that I heard from someone who gets Acid reflux majorly bad that if you take distilled water and combine it with aloe vera juice and drink it up that you will find that it helps a lot. The fellow who told me said he would eat rolls of tums every day and since he started doing this he no longer needs them.

Now of courwse this is just taking his word for it, never have I tried it .

Lots of luck and hope you can get some rest and things will be better soon!

Hugs, Lor

     

 

          

Avatar for grams2many
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sun, 05-04-2003 - 5:12pm
d


Edited 8/8/2003 11:25:04 AM ET by grams2many

Grams

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-1998
Sun, 05-04-2003 - 6:52pm
I hear ya, Pam, and agree totally with everything the others have said. Just last night I had to hang up on one of my little angels (not!) because she was getting just a little too huffy!

Hang in there and just like some of the others have said, let him come to you. He'll come around one of these days. You don't need the aggravation.

And don't apologize! We love ya!

Hugs,

Red

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2003
Sun, 05-04-2003 - 8:03pm
All I can think of is an expression that "there is ALWAYS someone out there

that is worse off than you any day of the week." What can I say? You have

every right to feel like you are but the only thing I can think of is many

prayers, hugs from family and friends. I also do not know if you are the type

of person who NEEDS to talk about problems or just being quiet is your thing

but there are some great groups you can latch on to all over the country that

can help. It is not easy to disown anyone, expecially a son but I can only

think it may be the only thing that can work right now. You need something

posative to yank on that will allow you to throw your shoulders back and

hold your head up high and look life in the eye.

I could go on but I don't think I am saying the right things, just strugling

to find the right words. Just please know you will be added to my ever-growing

list of things and people to pray for and for whatever that brings you I hope

the biggest thing is peace.

Please don't stop writing letters like the above, we really do care.

Avatar for mindy46
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sun, 05-04-2003 - 9:58pm
i tell ya ((pam)) kids can drag us down, clean the floor with our emotions and make us sorry we ever had them,and yet they can turn around the next minute and make us happy.i hope that your son realizes how he has hurt you!!!if its any consolation,we have all been there,at times its hell being a parent,hang in there and dont let it get you down!!(((hugs)))mindy
Avatar for jan_magee
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sun, 05-04-2003 - 10:01pm
Oh, Pam, my heart is aching for you. With all you've been through, you sure don't need this on top of it. Maybe it's time to let ds fend for himself, and find out what it's really like out there in the world. I'm so sorry he helped himself to dd's college fund and was so cruel with his answer.

I'm sending lots of love and keeping you in my thoughts.

(((hugs)))

Jan

Jan


 

Avatar for corvettebabe1972
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 05-05-2003 - 3:01pm
Pam, I've thought about you all day after we talked this morning....just try to remember that you have done so much for him, and now he needs to be reminded of just that! And to know that even though you love him, you will NOT accept this type of behavior either towards you or dd!

I think one of the hardest lessons that parents have to learn is that we can't make the decisions for our children...they have to learn to live their own life and face whatever consequences that occur. We can only hope that they learn and eventually mature.

Hang in there friend, and know we all are behind you!

Love, Char