HELP!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
HELP!!!!
8
Mon, 05-05-2003 - 9:24pm
Hello Ladies,

How are all of you. I know it has been a while since I have chatted and/or posted. This new board will take some time getting used to but I do still miss the old board. To All Of You Ladies Whose Birthday Was Last Month And Is This Month-((((HAPPY BIRTHDAY))))!!!!*****MANY MORE TO COME AND YOU GO GIRLS!!!!!!

To Our New Sisters from Across The Pond. !!!!!HELLO FROM NYC!!!! ((WELCOME)) How are you? I hope that all is Good with the soliders coming home safe and sound.

Work has been very busy for me. I do not remember if the last time I was in chat and/or posted I let it be known that I had been involuntarily transfered to the Family Unit. I now have the absolutely daunting responsibility of helping the entire kit and kaboodle; whether it is a unit such as Ozzie and Harriet nucleus from our time or a Reba Special like the one we see on TV today. From pregnancy, newborn to 17.5 years of age-it is my job to help the family straighten out their lives or at least put some order to it.

As far as my own life is concerned, my ds is having a hard time adjusting to civilian life. I believe emotionally he is still realizing the impact of just how much his life has changed from 4 progressive and some what successful years of military life to starting over as a civilian. His ditzy wife is of no help. She is supposedly having a very hard time with her sister and has been putting pressure on ds to hurry up and find a place so she can move. Because of all of this drama going on in his life right now I have been the receipient of a lot of displaced anger. The suggestion of counseling is fruitless because the first month of their-excuse me-her marriage they were in counseling. The offer to leave and live somewhere else he may feel happier living has been met with such rage...Bottom line is that at this present time in my life I do not like or love my ds very much. Disgusting after 9 months and all these years of loving, giving and caring.

DD is still hanging around the floozy I have posted about previously-who introduced my dd to a felon not yet convicted. I told her she has to stop sneaking out at all hours of the AM to meet him because I hear her walking from her bedroom down the hallway and out the front door then I am awake until she comes back. Every time I try to talk to her about this choice her response is "my father-your x husband was no angel." I already know this, however, that does not mean she should do the same thing I did. She insists that based upon that reality I have no right to speak about her choice for a boyfriend. I think the damn child has lost her mind. I have the right to speak my mind about anything I want to. I gave her life and I pay the rent. I have a hard time believeing that theory of "good girl falls for bad boy and vice a versa." HELLO Lessons Can Be Learned By Observation!!! Or have I missed a point here? HELLO!!! I have also offered her the choice to find better accomadations to suit her love needs. She feels I am being petty, immature and unfair about this relationship of hers. I told her she two inches shy of my last good nerve then we can discuss that nonsense about petty etc. I swear if I did not see myself give birth to this female I would swear she was slipped on me by some inept, mean spirited and cruel minded nurse.

Why do I have a job helping people straighten out their lives when I have my own life to work on. Is that irony or a cruel twist of fate? The type of reality that makes me go hmm.

Raymond is back in my life-at least for a little while. His daughter recently got married and is pregnant-due in July. He said to me that now that his daughter is all grown up and about to be a mother herself he now has to put his love energies in another direction. Well Ladies two weeks ago he invited to me his apartment for a home cooked meal and entertainment. The menu was chicken cutlets, spaghetti and mixed vegetables. The mixed vegetables had corn in them-we all know that corn is phart food. You guessed it he pharted all through the bootleg tapes he had for entertainment. I shrugged off the pharting but when he asked me to spend the night that changed the whole evening. My eyes must have looked like they were about to roll out of my head because he asked me if I was alright. As I all but fell out the front door to get out of his apartment, I told him yes I was fine but no I will not spend the night I had to get home. He was a gentleman (with no pharts) about my saying no and drove me home. The last I heard from him he was with his daughter and he would be home soon. Whatever!!

I hope one day really soon I will be able to post a happy message about my life. Right now it sucks. Any suggestions my sistas about what to do with two grown children who seem to be loosing their minds. I will not loose mine for them. These are my years. Thanking all of you in advance for your love and support.

Karidad

Kari
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-1999
In reply to: karidad
Mon, 05-05-2003 - 10:11pm
Hi Kari, No answers for your kid problems...Sounds like it's time for your dd to find her own spot(How old is she?) And ds needs to muddle thru with his dw and figure it out. No more dinners with phart food for you either(sorry but thought that was funny) Good to see you!

Hugs

RJ


 


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: karidad
Mon, 05-05-2003 - 11:55pm
Thanks so much, Kari! Just when I thought my ds was the worst one, you've joined my club! Honest to pete, these kids will drive us CRAZY!! The person, (must have been a mom!) who said, "Insanity is hereditary, you get it from your kids!" was sure right about that!!

I really do love the irony of your situation though. I imagine it's kind of nice to help someone solve a problem, even while you have your own. Are you a social worker or counselor? I can't remember! Wish I had some sage advice for you, but my own ds is driving me right up to the edge! Thank God for dd, who lovingly pulls me back just before I plunge!

Hang in there, and pop in often. this is the only place to vent and restore one's marginal sanity!!!

Hugs, Pam

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-1998
In reply to: karidad
Tue, 05-06-2003 - 9:13am
Hi, Kari! Good to see you posting again.

I agree with the others...might be a good time to let the DD find her own place. I finally had to give my one DD that ultimatum when she didn't go by the rules of the house. It's kind of a relief to have them gone; at least they're not blatantly breaking rules right in your face. You'd worry about her anyway, so just worry about her being out of the house. It's much easier on the nerves. Sounds awful, but it's true.

Your DS does sound like he needs counseling, but if he won't go, I guess I wouldn't put a lot of energy into dealing with him. Distance from him as much as possible. With your job, you don't need added stress.

We love ya, girl. Don't be such a stranger!

--Red

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: karidad
Tue, 05-06-2003 - 11:51am
Kari, great to see you! As for the kids, gentle but Tough Love

is what they need. They will not learn any other way, it seems.

As for that guy, the ph.... you made me laugh so hard!!!!

Hope to see you in chat tonight...or do what some gals

do and chat during your lunch hour...chat is 12 noon eastern.

love,

Cindy


~*~ Aloha to all .... ~*~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
In reply to: karidad
Tue, 05-06-2003 - 1:20pm
Kari I hate to tell you but I let my grown children live their own lives and I moved far away from the believe me the less you know about their lives the better it is. I actually really have no idea what to tell you except to let them take care of their own problems and try not to worry.

Sure hope it gets better for you soon

Love ya

Mary

                          &n
Avatar for grams2many
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: karidad
Tue, 05-06-2003 - 2:02pm
Kari, If I had all the answers I would have a different name. LOL

Throw your hands in the air and run out screaming as fast as you can. My brothers had trouble adjusting to civilian life especially after 20 yrs. It will take a while, as for the daughter, think about your own mother going crazy worrying about your choices. I'm sure there are days when she considered smacking you upside the head. I know mine did.

Boyfriend, no rush sounds like you could take or leave this guy.You are more in control than you think. Your life sounds like its about normal. Complaining about our grown children, men who expell too much gas, and dil who's a pain. Working too hard and playing to little. Just par for the course. Sit down, take off your shoes get a drink in hand, and let out a large sigh and hope tomorrow gets better. Hugs!!

Love Mary

Grams

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: karidad
Tue, 05-06-2003 - 4:48pm
Boy Kari, sounds like you have your hands full. When my youngest dd was a teen she was staying out late, school marks were slipping, she was dating a convicted thief and we were always at odds. After graduation things were getting worse. I told her it was my house, my rules, I paid the bills and if she didn't like it she could leave. She did.We are not close to this day but eventually she will leanr when she has her own kids.No matter how hard we try to spare our kids the mistakes we made they still have to learn on their own. We teach them values and trust that how we raised them will kick in sooner or later.

As for ds maybe you could call the VA and tell them he is having seperation anxiety and se eif they can suggest somthing. The military is more understanding about these things now than in the past.

Next time you date Mr. Blow Hard make sure its an Italian restaurant so there's no corn:)

Glad to see you back posting again. Hugs, Bernie
Hugs, Bernie
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: karidad
Wed, 05-07-2003 - 1:18am
Kari, this does not sound like a very good time for you at all. I'm sorry that your kids are making your life so difficult right now. There's nothing worse than making yourself stand back and let them make their own bad decisions when you're sure that if you could just find the right words, you could turn them around. They're going to have to make their ways through all this though, and you're best bet is to try to strp back a little bit from their lives and concentrate on making yours as good as it can be. You'll be there when they need you...for the right reasons. Take care of yourself while you're taking care of everyone else!

Kat