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| Thu, 05-29-2003 - 11:41am |
This is tip of the iceburg... there has always been rivalry between the two oldest, as is typical of siblings who are two yrs apart. (Like old Smothers Brothers bits!) Then a gap, then #3 and #4 (me) are okay, we are only one yr apart. Anyway... keep in mind Mom lives with Sis#2 in Fla.
Sis#1 (age 56, Colorado) is New Age-y, Drum Circle etc. Also strong personality, typical in charge first-born type.
Sis#2 (age 54, Fla) is Born Again Christian or Committed Christian as she puts it. Very capable and competent persona and doing all the caretaking of Mom at this point (Mom is NOT ill, just old and frail).
Sis#3 (age 48, Houston) is also Christian, a little more flexible personality, tends to be Mediator but trying to break out of that role.
Sis#4 (me, age 47, Houston) Im agnostic. Tend toward Comic Relief, family mascot in therapy terms.
P.S. Mom is classic Irish Catholic. P.S.S. Dad died 4 yrs ago (Methodist, nice service too).
Okay... tension is btw #1 and #2, battling for Top Dog, control etc in many ways. That is lifelong. You couldnt find two more different people. Mom lives with #2 in Florida but has designated #1 in COlorado as Executor and Power of Attorney. What a set-up. Why? I have no idea, but Mom apparently trusts #1 with that and needless to say #2 not only resents it but is concerned. Mom did finally (after much coaxing and help from some social worker) finally sign papers for #2 to give (or refuse) consents for medical interventions, Mom signed a DNR, etc. But the resentments are there and simmering.
So... issues.... ONE... Memorial Service... well of course it will be a Mass in a Catholic Church. Duh. But both two knuckleheads tell me they have fears that the other will try to impose their goofball religious rituals or twists to it. (Im convinced neither one will but they have those fears.
TWO... "well SHE (#2) got all the china and silver, blah blah blah." Sis#3 and #4 (me) also have some things, mostly sentimental value, but truthfully, Sis#1 has nothing of that. Mom has no intention of putting anything in writing, as far as she's concerned she has ALREADY given her stuff to us and has nothing left to "leave" to anyone, really. She started giving us these things after Dad died. BUt neither Dad nor Mom gave anything to #1... and she really WAS Dad's favorite.
anyway thats enuff for now. Any suggestions for Ground Rules for 4-way email dialogue btw us? Thanks, KC

First, it seems reasonable for all concerned to agree to just set aside religious differences and just honor mother the way she would want her services to be. Reasonable?
Second, it does seem like #1 was left out. Is there anything that you and #3 would be willing to give up to her and then maybe #1 would follow suit? (you know, peer pressure)
Hope this helps even just a little. It's easy for us all to tell you what to do, I imagine, but you are there with all the personalities and the drama that goes along with it.
Good luck,
Red
Good Luck...... kaci
In my opinion, not the best for anyone. Try to remember it's stuff, just stuff. You have memories which no one can touch.
Well, thats my 2 cents,
Rain