Doing some thing good 4 my racist MIL

Avatar for hulagirl_leilani
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Doing some thing good 4 my racist MIL
21
Wed, 07-23-2003 - 12:34am
Aloha Ladies,

People do the weirdest things when they know I am ill. Now I appreciate what people do for me and the lengths that they go through in order to get me back to being a happy sick person. People leave notes & flowers on my palm trees out front. Today William goes out to get the mail and here is a hula girl present. It was from my neighbors wishing me to get better soon because it's boring on the block when I am not out there stiring things up. ha ha ha Funny ha? I must be a terror when I am well? huuummmm..... ha ha ha... And plus people give me all sorts of ideas as to how to spend my down time and be productive without using up a lot of my precious energy. What realy gets to me is the fact that I am so transparent to people when I try so hard to look and act normal. I am having a rough time with this lupus flare because I was in remission for so long that I thought I was healed. Girls... Me being sick feels as though some one died inside me and left hula girl out here in the cold. I think I need to go through this mourning phase in order to move on but that is not acceptable to the significant others in my life.

Now girls I am not laying around here crying my eyes out but I do need to feel the lost of good health in order to reach the other end and grow. It is nice that people are concerned but they act like I am on my last hula skirt or some thing..... which is weird because the significant others in my life have gone through these flares with me for years.

I have been a little on the bratty side these days. And lately my life has gotten a little weirder. But then throw my racist mother in law into the mix and my wows takes on a whole new meaning. Most of you know my mother in law does not like me because I am not white. For me thats cool what ever gets ya through the day! Any how William comes home with this box. So I thought it was a present for staying alive another day! ha ha ha ha ha.. I am joking girls about the staying alive. But I did think it was a get well present for me... WRONG!

My mother in law had the nerve to go out and buy this "thing" to put in her garden and she wanted me to paint it for her since I had nothing else to do since I am sick. This chunk of plaster is in a form of a little girl holding flowers and on it ... it says "MOM'S GARDEN" My first reaction of course is negative! But I am working on not taking what ever any one says or does the wrong way. Working on it is the key phrase here because after I threw up I looked at the object again and tried to find a positive in painting this horrible little piece of poo-poo for my racist mother in law. And I think I have the best idea as how to paint this object. What do you Ladies think about me painting the little girl black! ha ha ha.... No joke! I am serious!!!!! ha ha ha ha ha ha.... What do ya girls think about that? I really would like your input on this...

Aloha,

Hula Girl with little tiny horns

Aloha,

Lei

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Wed, 07-23-2003 - 1:01am
I think you should paint her to look exactly like her Hula Girl dil...hee-hee...that will fix her. gabby

       


 


                              &n

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-23-2003 - 3:19am
With love, I would paint it as beautiful as

possible. I would do more than she asked for, even.

My first husband's mother did not care for me

much because I was "not Hawaiian enough" for

her.

Now this is just sharing what worked for me

and my other friends....I did not allow myself

to call her racist, not even in my thoughts or

heart.

I chose to focus hard on the good qualities she

had, as most of us have both.

Not overnight, but more like a year, she became

one of my best friends and today, some 26 years later,

she still is.

I simply knew that if I held steady to goodness

and love in my thoughts, heart and actions toward

her, that love would win.

It has worked for me every single time.

Anyway, just sharing that little tidbit. I am just

so stubborn about harboring bitterness in my heart

because then it starts to come out in my words

and actions. I absolutely refused to live that

way.

With your painting talent, I am sure it will

come out beautiful!!!!

HUGS and aloha,

Cindy


~*~ Aloha to all .... ~*~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Wed, 07-23-2003 - 12:52pm
You are a wonderful person dear Cindy!! Love, Gabby

       


 


                              &n

Avatar for hulagirl_leilani
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Wed, 07-23-2003 - 2:16pm
Gabby that is a great idea! Mahalo I never thought of that! All I thought about is that she has to be a white or black little girl but a brown little girl like me with black hair would be perfect! Mahalo for the idea that was a good one...

Aloha,

Hula Girl

Aloha,

Lei

 

Avatar for hulagirl_leilani
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Wed, 07-23-2003 - 3:21pm
Yeah I hear ya Cindy. My step-mother use to lock me under the house with no food or water. This is the truth... One time she did this I was rushed to the hospital with kidney failure because I had nothing to drink while I was under there. If that was not bad enough she use to sneak up behind ya and stick a needle in my back and if I screamed or cried she would do it again until I learned to keep the pain inside me. I won't even go into what she use to do with knives. Now if that was not bad enough... I would say I have had almost... no lie... every bone in my body broken because of her terrible abuse. One day the neighbors could not take it any more and the police came arrested her and I was made award of the court... foster kid... now that is another awful story... but I won't get into that.

Any how I got professional help as a child because I was totally freaked out and use to scream in terror in my sleep or if any one sneaked up behind me. Then about ten years ago my mean ole step mother had a stroke and she could not feed herself, walk or talk and I thought God had answered my prayers because now she was at my mercy. I use to go over to Dad's house and it would be eighty outside and in the house it had to be at least 10 degrees hotter. I asked where Janet/step mother was and my 3 sisters and one brother told me that they locked her in the bedroom because they couldn't stand her any more. Now Cindy I had all sorts of options to choose from to do to this woman but I choose to get her out of the bed all the time, clean her up, and fix her some food, and give her the meds she needed. She looked up at me and cried like a baby when I took care of her. Funny how life is... the person she abused the most probably because I am ADD was saving her life. To see her cry was heart breaking because I knew she knew what she had done to me and I choose not to go down the same path and take care of her any way. I use to sit on the side of her bed and talk about the bad times with her which was great because she could not talk back just cry. I came to peace with the woman because she did not have to say any thing because I knew my act of kindness, and hugs, and kisses I gave her was the worst punishment I could of done to her. She died and I did not go to the funeral because I was to busy celebrating her death. She was a cruel and evil woman who should of never been able to walk this earth but I choose then to surround her with kindness. To be honest with ya after taking care of her for a while the hate for her slowing molded into pitty for the woman. Yup I agree always kill them with kindness.

But come on my mother in law......give me a break. This woman all she can do is talk about the "Ns" did this or that or they are getting a break because of this and that and the white people of the world should do this to all of them. She is proud of her beliefs and if she red this she would agree with pride all that I have told ya. I am sorry but after disrespecting me by talking about people who are not white in front of me for so many years just gets my goat! She has a horrible name for all the different races out here in the world. I have listened to her bull for twenty years! Yup I tried the Janet/step mother routine with my MIL... ya know drown her in kindness and love. But ya know where that has gotten me.... she thinks since I choose to treat her with love then that is what I should do since I am on the bottom of the food chain. According to her my role in life is to be submissive to her because she is white and I am brown. As a result, the more love I give this woman the more racist she gets. One time she told me that I am acting the way all the "N's" in the world should act ya know subservant to her. She totally believes in white power! To call her a racist is being kind I can think of other words that fit her better but I am not going to lower myself to her level. Some times ya got to call it the way it is in order to bring about change in the world.

So far I like Gabby's answer the best... to make the little girl to look like me! That would be funny...

Mahalo for your input Cindy. Some times I just write to get it all out of my system.... and then I come back and read the responces you girls give me.... roll them all over in my head... calm down... and then do the right thing with love. I am really not as mean and nasty as I sound... my bark is always worst then my bite... ha ha ha ha ha ha I am good person just ask Kat!!! ha ha ha ha ha

Aloha,

Hula Girl

Aloha,

Lei

 

Avatar for hulagirl_leilani
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Wed, 07-23-2003 - 3:22pm
I second that motion!

Aloha,

Lei

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2003
Wed, 07-23-2003 - 5:28pm
Your MIL does not deserve you! I agree with Gabby. Paint her to look just like you. that would look nice!

Good luck.

LM
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Wed, 07-23-2003 - 9:28pm
(((((((((Leilani)))))))

       


 


                              &n

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 07-24-2003 - 2:49am
I see those horns, Leilani!

Funny that she should have you do that. Just a few weeks ago, Zana and I were in a shop and she found a little white clay bird feeder with a fairy on it. It was discounted way down and I think she got it for $3 or something like that. Anyway, she painted it and was so proud of the result...especially since she's never done anything like that before. I would say just put yourself inot it and it will come out right, whatever.

Hope you're feeling better soon.

Kat

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 07-24-2003 - 8:13am
Leilani, you are so talented in that area. I agree that you should just do your best...I have no problem with you making her look like you, after all that's probably what you do best. Go with your heart and she'll come out looking lovely. Charlie

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