An apology to Deann and a clarification

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
An apology to Deann and a clarification
11
Thu, 08-21-2003 - 8:13am
Deann I am sorry that I reacted so strongly to your response to my response to you. Everyone has subjects that are emotional and can not discuss calmy. I really was not upset with your clarification request I was trying to explain why some people may not want to get into a discussion about a controversial subject and what has happened now is a prime example. What got me seeing red was your comment about the Catholic priest situation. Somethings will never be seen lightly or joking by some people. I'm one of those people about the Catholic church and it's plight. You see my dh was one of the victims of a Catholic priest. This priest was a close friend of his mothers and my dh went to see him for advice about his mother who was mentally ill. What happened set forth a course of events that forever marked and changed my dh. The priest died of AIDS that he contracted from a male prostitute in Dayton Ohio. Thankfully, my dh was molested way before that and doesn't have AIDS. I'm also thankful that my dh has a handle on what happened and tries very hard not to be a victim now. After rereading your response I can see some humor but I also see a sharp edge to it. I know that everyone on this earth has some dysfunction I just try not to tread on it. My original intent was to welcome you to the board and I still welcome you and I apologize for any hard feelings. Becky

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 08-21-2003 - 9:57am
I am so sorry this happened to your dh. I also know someone who was molested AND I went to high school with a priest who went to prison for molestation - both were terrible tragedies. I can certainly understand your pain when this subject comes up.

You know, a lot of angry, mean-spirited people say things and then when we get angry or terribly hurt, they say "just kidding" or "can't you take a joke?" and try to somehow make it seem like their problem is ours. I have two brothers who do this all the time and it's gotten to the point that my sister and I avoid them whenever possible AND we have vowed to stick together when the two of them start in. But I've noticed over the years, they have fewer and fewer friends and other relatives who also avoid them (to the point that if they know either of them are going to be there, they won't come!)

Or...there are people whose mouth (or fingers) work much faster than their brains and they think anything that comes out is ok because they're "just being brutally honest" or "just speaking their minds." This doesn't fly with me either. Real friends filter what they say especially on a friendship board like this. You can disagree with someone and do it diplomatically OR you can email them privately OR you can just choose not to post. We do this all the time outside our cyber friendships, so why not here? (If you don't, I'm willing to bet you have very few friends - LOL!)

((((Becky)))), please know there a lot of people here to emphathize with you. The pain your husband and family have gone through is horrible.

love,

eldri

love,

Eldri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Thu, 08-21-2003 - 11:24am
This does explain your post, Becky. I was confused by your reaction but I see now why you saw red. Many hugs to you and your dh. I am so glad that he has come out of this terrible situation intact.

Darby


 



 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 08-21-2003 - 11:29am
Becky everyone one does have their buttons. I did know about this as you had told me before. I am glad that your dh is dealing with it and that you too the time to apologize to DeAnn. However this is the very reason why we try so hard to be careful and not bring subjects like this to our board.

Have a great day

Love

Mary

                          &n
Avatar for cl_cencia911
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Thu, 08-21-2003 - 1:50pm
Becky, I am glad your DH is able to handle and

move on, tho of course none of that should have

happened.

About your post to DeAnn, I was like Darby, confused

at first, but I understand now.

(((((((((big hugs)))))))))))

love,

Cindy

~*~*~All..things..work..together..for..good.....~*~*~



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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 08-21-2003 - 2:05pm
Becky and DeAnn,

Becky your post shows just what type of person you are I think. One I would very much like to call friend. Even in the pain that has been caused in your life you can see another side and consider other thoughts. I applaud you. The issue with cild molestors is something I share. Have been unfortunate enough to run across many in my youth. One a Spanish teacher who for a while everyone thought generous and kind. He took students to Mexico every summer. Then someone told.

DeAnn, you have recieved quite a response to your post about the personality of this board. In fact there are new ones even now. Seems to me you should have a good idea of what the individuals here are like now. As for me there have been many times I have chosen not to reply to a post. This for reasons of my own. What I've noticed is no one ever questions why one does or doesn't reply. Respect for others goes a long way.

Glad both of you are here,

Rain

5360774911227568598063_610w

Avatar for cl_cencia911
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Thu, 08-21-2003 - 2:14pm
Eldri, I agree on what you said about the

"filtering", and that its not always important

to be brutally honest.

There are some on this board who can be brutally honest,

but they carefully choose their words and structure, so

as not to offend anyone, and I enjoy reading those

posts.

Hugs,

Cindy

~*~*~All..things..work..together..for..good.....~*~*~



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Avatar for cl_campmum_of3
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 08-21-2003 - 5:22pm
(((Becky))) Under the circumstances I can well understand how you would react to that Becky. I am sure that this will always be an issue in your families life and a very strong influence on you all. I am glad that your dh has beenhandling this all quite well

What I find that wehn a person posts here what they say may not be taken the way it is meant.. there is no expression behind the words because they are not spoken. Often I have read a post one way and others have taken it differently and after re-reading it I can see how there can be several ways that it could be taken.

I am just glad that this matter was cleared up and hopefully no hard feelings on anyones part.

I wonder how the controversy boards can actually handle it all because that is where I am assuming these types of questions and others probably much more heated are posted!

Guess that is why I like it here for the most part things although not perfect and not always as I believe in are good posts.

Hugs to Both Becky and DeAnn

Hugs, Lor

     

 

          

Avatar for bklynpeach42
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Thu, 08-21-2003 - 7:19pm
Becky,

No hard feelings.

This another one of those weird places where your life and mine intersects. I have 7 sisters. When we were kids one of them was raped by the teenage brothers of the kids we played with. Like your husband intimated it never fully goes away, and affects the entire family and anyone who becomes close. Just as those priests seem to avoid jail all to consistently, the judge said 'boys will be boys' and dismissed the case. There was no rape crises centers back then, and in fact there were animal protection services in America before there were child protection services. We sisters did not speak of it for literally decades and did not begin to speak of it until our 40s. We have repercussions from it still after all this time. Its like dropping a crystal vase. You can glue it back together, and it may hold water and flowers, but the little chips and glass dust you swept away are the parts of you that are still missing and you can't get back.

Last winter, after 38 years it almost happened again. One my sisters hired a man to redo her hardwood floor thru a national retailer and he attacked her. Luckily her ex boyfriend happened by. I shudder to think what would have happend if he hadn't.

My SO and I are both Catholic School kids. Different states. He sang in a boys choir for 8 years. I suspect he knows something, but he does not talk about it. We are both upset with the church for the coverups and its poor handling of the matter. I don't think God ever said folks didn't have to pay for their wrong doings. Bibles got plenty of people in jail.

When I said that everyone has some dysfunction, I meant that as a fact of life and living, not a personal judgement. I mean, I don't know ANYONE with an Ozzie and Harriet life where problems can be solved in 30 min minus commercials. If you know of such a person, please, give me their phone number, I want to know their secret. Maybe we can bottle it and sell it on infomercials. LOL.

In another odd similarity between you and I, we suspect his mom is manic depressive. She went "away" when he was a kid, but when she came back home nothing was ever said or explained to him or his brother. Wow, I just had this strange thought that we are like mirror images, the same but different.

In a previous posting I said that almost anything could be considered a hot topic or painful to someone. I think I used the illustration of talking about kids and how while that would generally be considered a "safe" subject, it could be painful for someone that may have wanted kids and couldn't for whatever reason, or like two coworkers of mine, had a child die. While some subjects like abortion can be assumed a hot topic, there is not always a way to know what subject will upset someone until its out there. I did not and do not wish you any ill will.

DeAnn

BklynPeach42@yahoo.com


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 08-21-2003 - 7:43pm
Yes DeAnn I agree but you see we avoid the really hot topics and handle the rest. We are prettty diverse women here and we do sometimes agree to disagree however we are careful sometimes where we step

Hugs

Mary

                          &n
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Thu, 08-21-2003 - 9:32pm
(((((((Becky))))))...I'm so sorry sweetie. I'm glad your dh has overcome what happened to him. I also know that when you are molested it is something we can never forget, this comes from my own experience (unfortunately). Big Hugs, Gabby

       


 


                              &n

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