Okay...now I'm need a hug!

Avatar for sassysooze
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Okay...now I'm need a hug!
36
Fri, 01-11-2008 - 3:21pm

Hello cyber sisters,


I know I've come to the right place for a hug and I need one!


A little background......most of you know I am a busy lady, but, though my mother does not live with me in my house, she lives in the same community and I am nonetheless pretty much in charge of my mother's care.  I am in her apartment at least two days a week......I pay her bills, handle her finances, get all of her groceries and household needs, take her shopping and to doctor appointments....etc....etc.


My brother, on the other hand, lives 500 miles away and with him it is basically "out of sight, out of mind".  The last time he had any kind of visit with her was last summer when dh and I  PAID FOR and accompanied her flying to attend his son's (my nephew) wedding.  Of course we were the ones who looked after her at the hotel and got her where she needed to be etc.  SHE paid for her hotel (not my db). By the way....he does have the resources to help out!!!   He calls her every month or so, but his life is "really too busy" to make a trip down here.


So....thats the background.


This morning, I pick up my local paper and read that our Empty Pantry Fund has far exceeded its goal for the year and as usual, they list the latest givers and amounts.  Much to my shock I see that my mother has sent them a $500 check "in honor of".........you guessed it......my brother.  Now that is a worthy cause for sure and I saw in her checkbook last week that she had written that check.  Although it is fairly generous for her income, she explained she wanted to help those less fortunate.  Okay......BUT......she neglected to tell me that it was an "in honor" gift and WHY TO MY DB????


My relationship has gotten more strained with mother as she has aged and become so much more self centered and demanding.  She also never passes up an opportunity to criticize the way I look or a number of other things.  She is openly jealous of the little time that I eak out to spend with my dgd.  I actually would have pulled further away, if I weren't the only one around to take care of her needs.


BUT.....does this seem like the slap in the face that it felt like to me this morning?


I know I should just let it roll off, but as the day goes by, I am having a hard time not thinking about it!  So....that's my vent for today!    Pouty 





Hugs bugsSooze
Susan siggie

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 01-11-2008 - 4:35pm
Sorry but boy does that sound like something my mom would have done. lol The child that is further away glows in comparision. Ask my sisters who lived near her. Now that doesn't work with my fil, he is the one who it doesn't matter what you send him, if you aren't visiting twice a week, then you don't exist. Not that my bil actually does do that but some didn't know he had a second son because he and mom never talked about dh. As I've said before...family can't shoot them and they are the ones that know how to hit your buttons with their eyes closed and say "Whaaaat? I didn't do anything!" So many hugs my friend cuz it won't get better. xoxox BB
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-1998
Fri, 01-11-2008 - 5:12pm

Aw, ((((((((Sooze)))))))) here are your hugs from here. I can just hear the hurt in your words. I'm so sorry. What a punch to the gut.


I know you will reap the rewards of your kindnesses someday, but that doesn't help much for now, I know. Anyway, WE all here think you're the best!


I can't begin to explain or try to figure out

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2007
Fri, 01-11-2008 - 6:20pm

I'm really sorry to hear about the situation between you, your mom and your brother. I can definitely understand it, because my brother (who is 6 years older) has always been treated like the golden child while I've always been the black sheep. He and I really aren't on speaking terms right now and haven't been for almost 8 years. My mother is 84 and DH and I live with her right now. My brother and SIL are in Florida, about 5 hours away. They come up a couple of times a year to visit my mother. DH and I always make sure that we aren't around much when they are here. They'll stay for a weekend and my brother and I might say one sentence to each other the whole time. I've noticed that since I've been here at iVillage that I am definitely not the only person who has major problems with a sibling. And you're not alone either. And we'll give ya lots of hugs here!


Nancy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2006
Fri, 01-11-2008 - 6:58pm

Well (((Sooze)))


you got 'em ! hugs that is ....it does seem like a slap in the face..would seem she is thinking more about db..


but...she is old....and..could she be trying to ..how shall I say this?...suck up to db..to MAKE him pay more attention? she actually sounds more childlike!


what is it they say? "a prophet is without honor in his own home?"


and you say she is critcial of you? wonder what would happen if you just didn't show up! ..just kidding..I know you couldn't/wouldn't do it!


how about this: bring in the paper and APPLAUD

Dutch

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-1999
Fri, 01-11-2008 - 8:20pm

(((((HUGS)))) and more(((((HUGS)))))....I will never know what possesses some people to be kinda mean to those who do the most for them.......You will be rewarded for taking care of your mom.


 


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Sat, 01-12-2008 - 3:05am
OK my friend, you know your and my situations are very simliar with our mothers, except I do not have siblings.

       


 


                              &n

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2003
Sat, 01-12-2008 - 8:00am

((((((((((((sooze))))))))))))) sending many hugs to you..seems like the one that does and is there the most is the neglected one...i think all of us as siblings have faced the same situation with our parents! take comfort in the knowledge that god knows your heart and thats what is important! he does throw us situations at times perhaps to see how we will react to them perhaps to strengthen us for more trying times...! he is constantly testing us..its easy for anger to burn and frustrations to build and hurt to cloud our reasoning...in the meantime...if you want to kick

    

                      

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Sat, 01-12-2008 - 12:32pm

Hi Sooze


Seems our aging parents can sometimes cause us a world of hurt no matter what we try or do for them. Also seems the one that is doing the least for them often gets all the glory.

                          &n
Avatar for sassysooze
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sat, 01-12-2008 - 12:34pm

BB,


As I read responses, I see that this is a pretty common issue.

Susan siggie
Avatar for sassysooze
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sat, 01-12-2008 - 12:39pm

Thanks Red,


I know I can count on the love and support from this group of special ladies.

Susan siggie

Pages