My father died this morning
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| Mon, 02-25-2008 - 11:17am |
Unfortunately, this is not as bad as it would be for many, but it's still not easy. He had a (genetic) disease that is uncommon and has the combined symptoms of Alzheimer's and Parkinson's. He was no longer "there."
I had not seen him since I was 12yo. This was 34 years ago now. Although, I had attempted to try to have a relationship with him again a couple of times, he didn't respond. He caused a lot of pain.
One of my sisters has kept in touch with him (out of 6 sisters, including me) and my brother has. She called me just a bit ago to let me know as I had asked to be informed.
One of my sisters is upset that the two siblings who have kept in touch with him are planning cremation. She has been trying to contact another sister who she says feels the same and will pay for a service and burial. If that doesn't happen this morning, the cremation goes forward. After that, there will be a family gathering in the summer rather than having a service now. This is partly due to where they live and the frozen ground.
I rather like the idea of waiting until summer. Because of my not wanting to see my father, I had to cut my ties to my father's side of the family. I have wanted to renew that in the last couple of years. My uncle didn't even know if I was alive for many years and had assumed I wasn't during that time. My grandmother is 98yo. I have seen one of my dizty (not trying to be mean, but it really does describe her) girl cousins, but that was several years ago now. I want to know them all again.
I am sorry that my children were not able to know him as a grandfather. My ds's have had no interest in seeing or knowing him. My dd's went to see him about a year ago. They are glad that they did even though he was not "there" too much even then. I'm glad that they feel that way.
The "child Me" has many good memories of him until I was 12yo. I have and will hang onto those, but I grieved for my loss of him long ago. I now know that there is a physical loss of him, but he wasn't a man that I knew. I do love him for the good memories he gave me.










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HI Steph
I am sorry to hear about the death of your father. Even though as you said you were estranged from him I am sure you feel the loss. I do hope you get the chance to get back together with that side of the family.
((((HUGS)))))
Steph,
Though you no longer "knew" him, its still a loss and please accept my sympathy.
Steph,
My condolences on your loss. Sometimes it can be worse because you didn't have those years. Hope you get to enjoy being with family again.
Rain
Steph,
Sorry to hear of your loss.
Thank you all!
They are going ahead with the cremation as soon as it's legally possible. That will take a couple of days. It's a mess and complicated and unnecessary to explain. This means that we will be having a family gathering in the summer. I've already called my kids to ask them if they will, please, come to that. I told them that I don't ask for much from them any more, I really need them to do this, for me, if not for themselves. Three of the five will come. My ds who is in the Navy will come if it is when he has his leave upon returning from his deployment.
I did find out that my uncle, who lives near the nursing home my dad was in, just lost his wife of 30 years to a long, horrible battle with cancer last month. I can't even imagine what this must be like for him! I wish I could be there to offer him hugs.
In the meantime, my *stupid,* ditzy, weird dil did not really help. All I asked her to do was to let my ds know the next time he calls her. He's in the Navy and on deployment, just left last week for a six month tour. She took it upon herself to call her ombudsman who then called the Red Cross and contacted the ship. Before he got the opportunity to talk to anyone, his buddy talked to his w who is friends with dil. His buddy went and told him that he needed to call his w because there was an emergency. Since ds's 6 week old ds just got out of hospital last week, on the day he left, with a meningitis scare, his first words were, "What happened to my son?" OMG! I can NOT believe that she did this! Now, with the Red Cross involved, they will want to send him home... to ME, not to his w and ds. While it would be nice to have his support, this is totally unnecessary, to say the least. I finally just told dil that I had emailed ds to tell him that it was not necessary for him to come home, that he has a job to do, and then, I told her several times that I'm feeling caught in the middle of something here. I can't deal with this drama right now. It's in their hands to do whatever it is they do. I REALLY do not need this! I am trying to leave it in their hands since they are "adults;" well, in some senses of the word, anyway. I am NOT very happy with her right now, to say the least.
Other than her, I have had nothing but support and love offered to me today, all the things I needed. It's coming in waves after I did cry the first time (which took some time). I'm doing okay, though.
Again, thank you all so very much for your caring, your support, and your PATIENCE with all this stuff that's been happening lately!!!!
I am sorry to hear of your complicated loss....difficult in many ways...he was really "lost" before...but then your grieving process was mostly complete!
I still offer my condolences......
hugs
Dutch
Dutch
Sending you hugs and prayers Steph.
Steph, I am so sorry to hear your sad news.
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