My father died this morning

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
My father died this morning
12
Mon, 02-25-2008 - 11:17am

Unfortunately, this is not as bad as it would be for many, but it's still not easy. He had a (genetic) disease that is uncommon and has the combined symptoms of Alzheimer's and Parkinson's. He was no longer "there."

I had not seen him since I was 12yo. This was 34 years ago now. Although, I had attempted to try to have a relationship with him again a couple of times, he didn't respond. He caused a lot of pain.

One of my sisters has kept in touch with him (out of 6 sisters, including me) and my brother has. She called me just a bit ago to let me know as I had asked to be informed.

One of my sisters is upset that the two siblings who have kept in touch with him are planning cremation. She has been trying to contact another sister who she says feels the same and will pay for a service and burial. If that doesn't happen this morning, the cremation goes forward. After that, there will be a family gathering in the summer rather than having a service now. This is partly due to where they live and the frozen ground.

I rather like the idea of waiting until summer. Because of my not wanting to see my father, I had to cut my ties to my father's side of the family. I have wanted to renew that in the last couple of years. My uncle didn't even know if I was alive for many years and had assumed I wasn't during that time. My grandmother is 98yo. I have seen one of my dizty (not trying to be mean, but it really does describe her) girl cousins, but that was several years ago now. I want to know them all again.

I am sorry that my children were not able to know him as a grandfather. My ds's have had no interest in seeing or knowing him. My dd's went to see him about a year ago. They are glad that they did even though he was not "there" too much even then. I'm glad that they feel that way.

The "child Me" has many good memories of him until I was 12yo. I have and will hang onto those, but I grieved for my loss of him long ago. I now know that there is a physical loss of him, but he wasn't a man that I knew. I do love him for the good memories he gave me.

 


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My posts are a matter of opinion based on research and personal experience and are not legal or medical advice.


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Avatar for capwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 02-27-2008 - 2:35pm


Many condolences Steph. The loss of a parent is never easy even if there are years of being apart and strong feelings involved. May you heal with pleasant memories intact and a new relationship with your family established.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Fri, 02-29-2008 - 2:49am
((((((((((((Steph)))))))))))...I'm sorry for your loss and I'm sorry he never reached out to you when you tried to contact him.

       


 


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