Restless mother?
Find a Conversation
| Fri, 05-23-2008 - 5:17pm |
Hi everyone,
I'm new to this board and ivillage, but I am in need of some advice or different perspectives...
Let me give you some background, I'm currently a college student around 3rd year and I go to school kind of close to home. My mother just lost her job a couple of months ago. We discussed plans for her future together as a family and came to the conclusion that during these couple of months that she is unemployed, ie gathering her unemployment benefits, she would dedicate this time to learning more about computers and the writing/reading parts of her native language.
She told us that the best way she learns is through classes, by someone teaching her one-on-one. Otherwise, if she attempts to learn computers by herself it "just doesn't get through her head". Since I'm away at school and have my own activities to pursue, I don't always have the time to sit down with her on a regular basis to teach her things like Word or Excel. I try my best to teach her the few functions I know when I have time, but afterwards she doesn't seem to remember so asks for my help again. I usually tell her that I can't help her too much because what happens if I'm not here, then how will you get help? She responds by saying she can always ask someone at the library's computer center to explain it to her.
Since then she has been going to the library in the afternoons mostly to learn computers. The "instructor" is a guy who monitors people while they're working on the library workstations. My mom says he's helpful because he's always there to answer her questions.
About the language part, she already knows the speaking part of the language. She is just learning how to write and read now. She has attended a language class at the local technical college for about a month now. But, when I ask her how to spell certain basic phrases, she can't give me a clear answer.
When she asks me a direct question like "How do you attach this picture?" or "How do you spell this word?" I try to give her clues to lead her to the right answer, instead of telling her and then the cycle repeats later. I find that she often gets frustrated when I try to do this, and she'll say "What, are you just going to let me sit here like this?" to make me feel guilty. Am I being too harsh here?
I just feel that since she has lost her job, she hasn't been using her time efficiently to meet her own needs- like practicing computer skills or practicing language skills. Both of these things take time and discipline to learn but I feel that she isn't very patient with herself. Nowadays she will try to go out every day at least once to either "pick up food" or do some other small thing. While I don't have a problem with her going out everyday, I do want her to be spending her own time efficiently, especially for the benefit of her future.
Oftentimes she will sit at the computer writing emails for a good half hour, then turn it off and go out for 3 hours (I think to the shopping mall, she likes to shop). I think motivation plays a great role in whether someone is willing to sit down and practice something. What are your suggestions on how I can motivate my mother to do what's best for her?

Hi and welcome to our board
You mother is a
Hi and welcome to our group!
I
Hi, and welcome. I get the feeling your mom is depressed, but is trying to do whatever she can handle, right now, to please her family.
Is there a community college in your area? Those in my area offer low cost classes in many subjects, and can offer a lot of individual assistance. If English isn't her first language, they offer classes for that, too. There are resources available, but sometimes they can be difficult to find.
I know you really want to help her, but she may need time to work out what she wants to do. She now has many options available, so she may want to explore some of them. If there's something she finds interesting, or enjoys, maybe she could use the computer to further her interest. That would probably be a lot more fun for her than her thinking she's being forced to do something she isn't really interested in. Who knows, maybe she'll be able to find a job doing something she really enjoys.
Jan
chat cl for Your Well-Being 43-59 (Health) - Tues. and Fri. at 9 PM ET - other Y W-B chats every weekday at Noon ET and Sat. at 9 PM ET!
Jan
Hi I'm Doreen.Welcome in
I have a problem learning computer stuff on my own if I've never done before,have no idea.I have to ask for help.I am fortunate to have my best friend helping me.He's a computer tech at the local newspaper.
If some one gave me directions in written word.I CAN NOT comprehend what I need to do.If I watch him do it then I can do it.
Use to be different long ago.I remember reading things,comprehending,then being able to do what I need to do.NOT any more an I'm only 52
&n
Welcome to the board. If I interpret this correctly, I see a lot about what you want for your mother. What does she want? Much depends on what she did before becoming unemployed, what her interests and desires are now. Maybe what she needs now is support and a listening ear. In the end, only she can decide what is best for her.
Many oppotunties out there. Especialy with Federal employment for those of other nationalities. You might check out different opportunities and share them with her. Then allow her to decide.
Best wishes,
Rain