Feeling out of sorts

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2004
Feeling out of sorts
11
Thu, 09-25-2008 - 12:25pm

Hello,


I just don't really know what is wrong with me.  I am being treated for depression but usually don't feel down until pmdd rears it's ugly head.


I did turn 43 in August.  I'm married and have 2 children, 17 and 16.  


I know it just hit me recently that it's gone by all too fast, my kids growing up.....


A couple weeks ago,  I took my lunch by a park.   The kids and I would go to this park every time they had an appt. with the pediatrician.   I sat there and watched the toddlers and caught part of the conversations of the mothers.   And I reminisced.   


I would gladly live all those moments all over again!!!!   It just hit me that I do really miss those times.


My daughter turned 16 on the 22nd.   I  have a hard time with her being a teenager.   It's easier with my son.   I don't feel as if my son shuts me out the way my daughter does.


She came into my room and we were chatting one night earlier this week.    And it was a happy conversation.   But I called my mother and asked her if she had cried when I turned 16.   I had gone thru old photo albums and just cried before my daughter came home.


My  mother said she only felt like that when I got married and when my brother got married.   And that is when it hit her.


I don't know if it is the changing of the seasons,  the kids growing up,  the issues in my  marriage- but I've been feeling down and out of sorts for a few days.


I have today off and can't seem to get movivated to do much of anything.   But I am going to clean the living room and take my dog for a run and go to my mother's later to help her w/her computer.


The thing with my marriage is my husband is boring me to death with his talk about money and bills.   It is a constant thing!!!!  When we get up in the morning and then when we get home from work.   I just can't take it.  


In last Sunday's post secret, there was a postcard that had stocks in the background and the wife wrote "You're so worried about losing money, you're losing your WIFE."


I showed my husband this.  He knows he does this.  He's just like his father.  But I didn't know his father for long and so didn't know his father was like this. 


It's difficult to go out on the weekends and do something fun when it doesn't seem to be in his vocabulary.  


Well, I am going to try to push myself to get out off my butt, especially before my son comes home from school.  (he gets out early)


ISLCutieHugs-vi.gif image by Idealsummerluvv

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 09-25-2008 - 1:22pm

Hi ILS


Welcome to our board. Ah the teenage years!! My name is Mary one of the cls here. My children are now grown with children of their own but I remember those years when I found my daughter and son growing up and I knew they were soon to be on their own.


It was hard especiallywith my daughter. She was my youngest but I seem to feel it more with her than with my son. What you are going through is pretty normal. I felt it when they were teens as well as when they both got married. The loss of those childhood years when you were the most important thing in their lives. In fact I think when our children get to be teens it is very hard sometimes to remember how sweet they were as little children. It gets better and after all we want them to grow up and become adults and live their own lives right?


As for your husband sounds like you need to talk it over more with him. Even if his father was that way too doesn't mean he has to follow in his footsteps all the time.


Money is a very big concern for everyone these days but we also have to have fun sometimes too.


Hang in there and just remember there are lots of women who are going through the same thing you are.


HUGS


                          &n
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-1998
Thu, 09-25-2008 - 6:23pm

Hi ISL, and welcome to our board.


I'm sorry you are going through such a tough time. Sounds like your life could use a bit of a shake-up.


I never went through that sad time with my DDs. Frankly, I was glad to see them go from the nest because they were tough to handle! When they started having babies I did get pretty wistful. I think when they are having hard times, that's the worst for me. You never want to see your kids having a hard time.


Yeah, the money thing....with my DH, it's his work. Sometimes I have to remind him that there must be other things to talk about than work. It gets boring, for sure. Don't know how to help with that, other than to say you're not alone. Lots of us are having money problems and it is worrisome. But we can't let it take us over. Maybe you should turn it into a $-related game...when you go out, if he starts talking about money, he has to put 50 cents in a cup or something! Make light of it, if you can, to draw his attention to it. The cartoon was good. Put it where he can see it often! LOL!


My and DH's life gets pretty boring too sometimes. We sometimes will take a drive or a day trip just to shake things up a bit. He has begun a new hobby that occupies him some. I try to keep busy and distract myself from worry with projects, too.


Again welcome....hang around and let us get to know you better. They call me Red here on the board and I'm from Washington State.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 09-25-2008 - 11:06pm

Welcome to our group ILS!


     

 

          

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2003
Fri, 09-26-2008 - 7:45am

i think as we and our children age,

    

                      

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 09-26-2008 - 8:56pm

Hi and welcome to the board. What you are experiencing has happened to many of us, me included. Its hard seeing our babies growing into adults. You grew and started your own life and as hard as it is they must too. From the time you gave birth you have been teaching your children to achieve just that...independance.


As we near the time when our children leave we experience regrets and want to try and recapture those years. Instead of regretting revel in the fact you have raised happy healthy children and embrace their new experiences. If you do they will keep you close and not shut you out as so many teens do.


As far as your dh goes I'm not the best expert. My ex was work and I felt abandoned as he was a work-a-holic plus abusive. We became very distant and I thought if he doesn't want to spend time with me I'll find my own circle of friends. I did this after years of pleading for him to let me into his life...didn't happen.


A friend once told me to try and find something that attracted you to him and work on it...it does work. You and dh need personal time. If he's not willing then he needs to know you are at the end of your rope and this is it. A threat like that is usually all that's needed.


I wish you luck and please come back and let us know how it goes.

Hugs, Bernie
Hugs, Bernie
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2004
Sun, 09-28-2008 - 7:16am

Mary,


Nice to meet you.


I also have a stepdaughter who is almost 27 and we have a 5 year old grandson.


She is the one who told me that teenagers are so "rotten" because it has to be that way or else it would be too difficult to let them leave home.


I've been looking at things from different angles.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2004
Sun, 09-28-2008 - 7:23am

Hi Red,


Nice to meet you too.


I do know that having a 16 year old daughter has made me appreciate my own mother more.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2004
Sun, 09-28-2008 - 7:25am

Yes,

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2004
Sun, 09-28-2008 - 7:34am

Mindy,


Yeah, that's another thing: to realize how long I've been with this husband, ha ha!


I think I'm just gonna try to interject some humor whenever the need arises.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2004
Sun, 09-28-2008 - 7:39am

Bernie,


My husband is kinda thick.

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