Wow, this is so out of my usual comfort

Avatar for susiegail
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wow, this is so out of my usual comfort
9
Wed, 05-06-2009 - 8:20pm

zone, and maybe I shouldn't even go here, but what with the Mother's Day "Thing", maybe I'll just throw out what happened yesterday to me. What with having Mommie Dearest for a mother, I have always had baaad feelings about Mother's Day. Even though I had my own children, my mother's woeful spirit was ever-present.  Then my mother died suddenly and I walked to Hell and back getting rid of the huge boxes of toxic rocks I had been carrying for years. So, I finally thought I was done. As I mentioned in my earlier post, the last couple of years have been just fine. However, yesterday I was reading a little kind of reflection book called Writing Yourself Into The Book Of Life and the question was asked, "Is there anyone who caused you physical or emotional damage that you can now see in a positive light, as one who helped your personal growth?" I'm thinking "uh, what" and suddenly Mother came to mind and I couldn't just dismiss that as wow, how ridiculous. It dawned on little Susie here, like a 2x4 between the eyes, that if I had not had this adversary, this thorn in my flesh, (which I do truly believe she couldn't help) which certainly made me a really strong person, what my BIL calls "an amazing survivor", maybe some of the other stuff that has happened to me (as things have to all of us)would have destroyed me instead of empowering.  Does that make sense? It doesn't mean I'm happy that I had an abusive mother any more than others are going to be happy that their loving mother died young or that they don't have children or any other of the myriad things that all of us have had to face...at least I don't know anyone whose life has just been a bed of thornless roses...it just means that, hopefully, I can truly get past something that caused me one heck of a lot of pain for more than fifty years...and I never expected that to happen. So, I'm sending love to all of the strong, luminous women on this board, who have withstood their own particular personal pain and reached out to love someone(s), no matter who they may be.


Sue

 

 

Avatar for hulagirl_leilani
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Wed, 05-06-2009 - 9:16pm

Sue you are absolutely

Aloha,

Lei

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-1998
Thu, 05-07-2009 - 12:38pm

Well said, Sue! It's a good message for all of us who at this stage in life are still trying to make sense of who we are. Thanks for writing that.


Red

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Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 05-07-2009 - 2:29pm

HI Sue


Funny sometimes isn't it how somthing will suddenly just hit us over the head like that. I am glad you got to realize that even though your Mom was not the best she is responsible for making you a strong person. I think we all have those hurts in life that sometimes are very hard to bear. You have to let them go and live life in the now not the past. I am an adopted child and when I was younger always felt rejected by my birth mom. After all how could a Mom give up her child. My adopted Mom was simply the best. Without her I would not be the woman I am today that is for sure. It took a while for me to realize that my bio Mom give me away because she did love me and wanted a better life than she felt she could give me. I lost my "Mom" (adopted Mom) in Dec of 1996. She was 96 years old. I miss her but

                          &n
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2009
Thu, 05-07-2009 - 2:40pm

Thank you Sue for saying what I've been trying to say but I don't have the talent you have.


I know I was a better mother because mine walked out.


Avatar for susiegail
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 05-07-2009 - 7:55pm

You are all awesome. I've always been very hesitant to reveal the me "inside" - I guess another legacy of good old Mom who ridiculed everything I ever thought or cared about...but, then again, I'm starting to see that the "awareness" that dawns on us may not be "just for ME"...


Hugs,


Sue

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 05-07-2009 - 8:04pm

Hi Sue


This group of women on this board are indeed awesome!! I am so happy you decided to join us.


Happy Mother's Day to you!!


HUGS


                          &n
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-1999
Fri, 05-08-2009 - 12:48am

Thanks for all of you for talking about your Mothers.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 05-08-2009 - 12:34pm

Hi Suz


Well you were just there to visit with her and even though she was injured you had a wonderful time with her.


Going to the nursing home will help her get the rest she needs and will give that arm time to heal up properly. She knows you love her. Mother's day is such a hard day sometimes but I think we need to be grateful for the times we had with those Mom's that have passed and if those times were good then try to forgive her for the mistakes she made in you life.


My dh always worked on Mother's day before he retired and it seems my children while they were living at home were either also working or off doing something on that day. So we just never made a big deal of it. As long as I don't have to cook fine with me LOL.


Have a good Mother's Day Suz.


Love ya


                          &n
Avatar for cl_campmum_of3
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 05-08-2009 - 10:11pm

Wow Sue, that was