Empty nest syndrome???

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2005
Empty nest syndrome???
6
Tue, 08-24-2010 - 12:11pm

Hi -

Well - even though I'm not 50 yet (I'm 32, so don't card me for this board ;), I sort of feel like it with what I'm going through. Due to my divorce & location, my X will have the kids a lot now & I haven't been childless since I was 19. It's such a crazy & scary time for me - I really can't believe this is my life now. Less than 6 mos. ago we were talking about working things out, but now he has a new live in GF/nanny & I think it's pretty much a done deal.

I've got plenty to do right now to keep my mind off things - but of course it's pretty hard to focus or concentrate on anything right now. The kids will start school next wk & then I will begin to be a wkend/one night a wk mom. I have my sad moments, but know that it's just something I'm going to have to get over & adjust to with time. I know that I never want to have anymore kids and am very hesitant to get into another marriage (actually don't ever plan on remarrying), so it's not like I plan on filling my time w/lots of dating etc. Fortunately I enjoy writing & it helps to put my heart into that, but I still can't help but feeling a little lost right now. I mean everyone knows about the empty nest syndrome in your 50's, but when it happens unexpectedly in your 30's, it's definitely a major life blow. Sort of feel like earth knocked off it's axis if you know what I mean.

Anyway - thought maybe someone here could possibly have some insight that would help -

Laurel




Edited 8/24/2010 12:12 pm ET by ivill_laurel
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2005
Tue, 08-24-2010 - 4:49pm
Thanks Jan - I definitely agree that outside things will help & I do look forward to rebuilding my life in some ways- from scratch it seems....
Avatar for jan_magee
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 08-24-2010 - 4:44pm

Hi Laurel, welcome! I don't have any kids, but not too long ago, dh traveled a lot for his job, leaving me home alone for a few weeks at a time. I know, not quite the same thing, but it did force me to find things to do on my own.


Do you have any hobbies? Many of the local craft stores offer classes, where yoiu not only learn to make interesting things, but also make friends. I'm into genealogy, and belong to a couple of societies that help keep me busy. You could also volunteer. One friend is a literacy volunteer, helping people learn to read. She really loves doing that, and even has a couple of students that she teaches on her own, outside of the classes. I volunteer at a library. There are many things out there that will help you keep busy, and that you'd be able to share with your children, too.


You're probably going to have some sad times, but know that you are doing things for yourself, becoming the person you were meant to be.

Jan


Jan


 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2005
Tue, 08-24-2010 - 4:07pm
lol - thanks, those are great suggestions & I will be looking into them more & more as time goes on.
Avatar for cl_coldfingers
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 08-24-2010 - 3:16pm

Is there a community college near you?


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2005
Tue, 08-24-2010 - 3:06pm

thanks for the response - and yes, I am actually taking a class online for an eventual certification. I'm also seeking employment - so on "good days" I am pretty busy. It's just the occasional setbacks - like yesterday, I had to be around them w/orientation for school, that I end up thinking so much about things. And being that the actual new schedule doesn't start til next wk, I know that it'll be quite awhile before everyone is re-adjusted to it.

Hopefully I will be able to create more of a life outside it all soon.

Avatar for cl_coldfingers
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 08-24-2010 - 2:37pm

Hi Laurel and welcome to the board.