Life changes....

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2009
Life changes....
Fri, 08-27-2010 - 7:40pm

Did anyone ever find themselves at a certain age and still wonder at the way things are? I am 43 and generally happy with the way things are going in my life in relation to: my career, my weight loss and a few other things. But the questions that have plagued my for most of my life are still there: when will I find a man to love me? At this age I still did not have what I consider to be a beautiful, loving relationship with a man. I have felt lots of rejection by men; men that I have liked or more than liked have not reciprocated. I know what they say - don't fall for the wrong guy, but it hasn't been like that. They weren't bad people, the relationship just didn't go the way I hoped. And they lasted 3 months, or 8 months. Fast forward to a marriage to man that lasted roughly 12 years, not counting the separation. He told me he wasn't attracted to me almost from the beginning of our marriage and this was after I got pregnant so I stayed on. We were basically living a celibate life (at least on my part, though I don't suspect he was cheating.) I just recently saw a show on a topic called "sexual anorexia" and found out he displayed every single one of the characteristics. At this point, we are not together but I see that that's what he had and I know why it would be this way for him due to the way he grew up.

My point is: I've come to a place in my life where I feel good about myself. I've always felt good about myself, but I am now at the place where I refuse to let unhealthy people in my life. I am happy with what I am doing. But I am still no closer to finding a man to be with. It has, to my great surprise become a lifelong quest, since what I thought to be a passing phase, turned into a long, long search. At this stage I am so eager to share my life with someone. I just feel like if he hasn't shown up till now, I should stop looking. I am not going to clubs or meeting someone through work (there is not much chance where I work now). It is not like I am actively searching, but I wonder where is he? Has anyone ever gone through this, and what is the answer?  I cannot believe I am not closer to finding love in what I consider to be my wisest years than when I was younger. I am not a pushy person or aggressive in any way. I am what I consider to be pleasant and appropriately funny. I am not nor do I feel desperate despite being many years without a man and this includes my marriage. I just feel like it would be so nice to share this time in my life with someone and I feel like it would be a great addition to my life. Thanks for any help.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2003
Sat, 08-28-2010 - 12:01pm

I am married so I can't totally relate to what you are going through, I thought I'd respond anyway.

Do you date?? Do you go to any social events? How about volunteering for something that you are passionate about? You can meet like minded friends that way too.

You sound like a very loving, giving person that knows what she wants. That's a great asset! I'm not going to say, just be happy with what you have. I personally feel that you should share your life with a partner. It's much to lonely to do the things you love, alone.

Good luck in your quest :)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Sat, 08-28-2010 - 12:17pm

Hi and welcome to the board.