A little tee-hee for pet owners & others

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
A little tee-hee for pet owners & others
4
Sun, 10-05-2008 - 3:59pm
This came to me by email and i just had to share it......

 

Those of you who have/had animals will probably appreciate this more. It is a story that is hilarious in itself and the person that wrote it is a good writer and made the story even better. Enjoy ...

 

Jasper and the Unbaked Yeast Rolls

 

We have a fox terrier by the name of Jasper. He came to us in the summer of 2001 from the fox terrier rescue program. For those of you, who are
Unfamiliar with this type of adoption, imagine taking in a 10-year-old child about whom you know nothing and committing to doing your best to be a good parent.

 

Like a child, the dog came with his own idiosyncrasies. He will only sleep on the bed, on top of the covers, nuzzled as close to my face as he can
Get without actually performing a French kiss on me.

 

Lest you think this is a bad case of 'no discipline,' I should tell you that Perry and I tried every means to break him of this habit including locking him in a separate bedroom for several nights. The new door cost over $200. But I digress...

 

Five weeks ago we began remodeling our house. Although the cost of the project is downright obnoxious, it was 20 years overdue AND it got me out
Of cooking Thanksgiving for family, extended family, and a lot of friends that I like more than family most of the time.

 

I was assigned the task of preparing 124 of my famous yeast dinner rolls for the two Thanksgiving feasts we did attend.   I am still cursing the
Electrician for getting the new oven hooked up so quickly. It was the only appliance in the whole darn house that worked, thus the assignment.   I made the decision to cook the rolls on Wed evening to reheat Thurs am. Since the kitchen was freshly painted, you can imagine the odor. Not wanting the rolls to smell like Sherwin Williams #586, I put the rolls on baking sheets and set them in the living room to rise hours.

 

Perry and I decided to go out to eat, returning in about an hour. The rolls were ready to go in the oven.   It was 8:30 PM. When I went to the living room to retrieve the pans, much to my shock one whole pan of 12 rolls was empty. I called out to Jasper and my worst nightmare became a reality. He literally wobbled over to me. He looked like a combination of
The Pillsbury dough boy and the Michelin Tire man wrapped up in fur. He groaned when he walked. I swear even his cheeks were bloated.   I ran to
The phone and called our vet. After a few seconds of uproarious laughter, he told me the dog would probably be OK, however, I needed to give him
Pepto Bismol every 2 hours for the rest of the night.   God only knows why I thought a dog would like Pepto Bismol any more than my kids did when
They were sick. Suffice it to say that by the time we went to bed the dog was black, white and pink. He was so bloated we had to lift him onto the
Bed for the night.

 

We arose at 7:30and as we always do first thing; put the dog out to relieve himself. Well, the dog was as drunk as a sailor on his first leave. He was running into walls, falling flat on his butt, and most of
The time when he was walking his front half was going one direction and the other half was either dragging the grass or headed 90 degrees in
Another direction.

 

He couldn't lift his leg to pee, so he would just walk and pee at the same time. When he ran down the small incline in our backyard, he couldn't stop
Himself and nearly ended up running into the fence. His pupils were dilated and he was as dizzy as a loon. I endured another few seconds of laughter from the vet (second call within 12 hours) before he explained that the yeast had fermented in his belly and that he was indeed drunk. He assured me that, not unlike most binges we humans go through, it would wear off after about 4 or 5 hours and to keep giving him Pepto Bismol.
Afraid to leave him by himself in the house, Perry and I loaded him up and took him with us to my sister's house for the first Thanksgiving meal of the day.  My sister lives outside of Muskogeeon a ranch, (10 to 15 minute drive). Rolls firmly secured in the trunk (124 less 12) and drunk dog leaning from the back seat onto the console of the car between Perry and
I, we took off.

 

Now I know you probably don't believe that dogs burp, but believe me when I say that after eating a tray of risen unbaked yeast rolls, DOGS WILL
BURP. These burps were pure Old Charter. They would have matched or beat any smell in a drunk tank at the police station. But that's not the worst
Of it.

 

Now he was beginning to fart and they smelled like baked rolls. God strike me dead if I am not telling the truth! We endured this for the entire trip to Karen's, thankful she didn't live any further away than she did. Once Jasper was firmly placed in my sister's garage with the door locked, we finally sat down to enjoy our first Thanksgiving meal of the day. The dog
was the topic of conversation all morning long and everyone made trips to the garage to witness my drunken dog, each returning with a tale of Jasper's latest endeavor to walk without running into something.

 

Of course, as the old adage goes, 'what goes in, must come out' and Jasper was no exception. Granted, if it had been me that had eaten 12 risen, unbaked yeast rolls, you might as well have put a concrete block up my behind, but alas a dog's digestive system is quite different from yours or mine. I discovered this was a mixed blessing when we prepared to leave Karen's house. Having discovered his 'packages' on the garage floor, we loaded him up in the car so we could hose down the floor.  This was another naive decision on our part. The blast of water from the hose hit the poop on the floor and the poop on the floor withstood the blast from the hose. It was like Portland cement beginning to set up and cure. We
finally tried to remove it with a shovel. I (obviously no one else was going to offer their services) had to get on my hands and knees with a coarse brush to get the remnants off of the floor. And as if this wasn't
degrading enough, the darn dog in his drunken state had walked through the poop and left paw prints all over the garage floor that had to be brushed, too.

 

Well, by this time the dog was sobering up nicely so we took him home and dropped him off before we left for our second Thanksgiving dinner at Perry's sister's house.  I am happy to report that as of today (Monday) the dog is back to normal both in size and temperament. He has had a bath and is no longer tricolor. None the worse for wear ... I presume.

 

I am also happy to report that just this evening I found 2 risen unbaked yeast rolls hidden inside my closet door.  It appears he must have come to his senses after eating 10 of them but decided hiding 2 of them for later would not be a bad idea. Now, I'm doing research on the computer as to:
'How to clean unbaked dough from the carpet.'
And how was your day????
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 10-06-2008 - 1:06pm

Roflmao!!! Thanks for the laugh Lor


Love ya


                          &n
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Fri, 10-24-2008 - 4:05pm
OMG..... I was picturing this dog the whole time I was reading and it made me laugh like crazy.....



       


 


                              &n

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2007
Mon, 10-27-2008 - 3:42pm

ROFL!


After suffering through the consequences of one of my dogs eating a bbq beef sandwich last week (oh, she was so sick for days and is only now able to eat without getting sick again, we're sticking with white rice for her meals for another day, lol) it's nice to know that we're not the only ones with a dog who'll eat just about anything.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-1998
Fri, 11-14-2008 - 2:15pm

Just now saw this! OMG Lor, that is so funny! Good ol' Jasper...a dog after my own heart!


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